Hello everyone.
I posted this in the divorce are and I was advised to post in this area. I would really appreciate any support.
Recently my wife left me. She went back home to be with her sister and her family, she said she needed some time to be on her own. She just told me that she doesn't think she wants to be married anymore. I asked her if it was because she wasn't near her family or if she would want me to be there with her, but she said no. She also told me about some things she did while we were married and before that she lied about. I don't know what to do. I told her that I am more than willing to forgive and forget, I love her so much and only want to be with her. I don't know how to handle all of this. When she told me she was leaving, I tried to be supportive and let her have some space. I don't want her to hate me. Now that she is gone...I didn't know I was going to feel like this. I didn't know it would be this bad. I can't sleep, I can't do anything. I don't know what I can do. She says she loves and cares about me, but that she isn't IN love with me anymore. I am so in love with her, she is everything to me and now I have lost her. Please, any advice, anything. Thank you all.

Greetings...

God, it is amazing how similar your story is to mine. My H had an affair last fall, ended in Jan '04, and then dropped the bomb on me in May, leaving before I had time to respond. He now has been gone for 3 months and I have been a wreck...tried sending him letters, e-mailing him, talking with him to see what we could do to try to work our marriage out. He failed to communicate and refuses to seek out help and now I am left hanging...and I know he is actively dating another woman now....grrrrr.

He also stated that I was the same wonderful woman that he had fallen in love with and married in 2001 but that he had changed. That he loves me dearly and thinks that I am wonderful but is not "in love" with me anymore. I never quite understood that quote but it seems to happen to a lot us on MB. I lost 10 lbs in the first month from crying so much and spending all my emotional energy on him...it didn't work. He tried to drive me harder away (easier to deal with than the real issues that lay ahead of him).

I am in a stage of "no contact" which I am finding very hard...I desperately want to talk to him. However, in the past, everytime I would try to reach out to him, he'd push me further away. What I have been told to do is let him be...what I don't see or hear, I don't know. This time, this space apart will allow him to get a taste of life without the love and support I have provided as well as give myself time to grow as an individual. The word "fog" is used a lot...our cheating spouses may not be thinking clearly during the initial stages of separation and are pretending to be ok with moving on. I wish I did know what emotions, what thoughts were going through my H's head but I have to continue to try to let him live his life in his own space. I am focusing on positive in my life, hanging with friends, trying to get out of the house to avoid those "crying" episodes as much as possible, and spending energy on me rather than him. I advice you try to do the same.

Believe me, I can totally relate to your pain...our stories sound so familiar. I have been spending literally all the energy trying to salvage our marriage even though I am the betrayed spouse...it sucks and doesn't make any sense but I truly want to try to rekindle what had been a wonderful marriage together.

Me: 28 yo faithful wife
Him: 30 yo unfaithful husband
Married 06/01
His Affair: 09/03-01/04; he ended it
Told me of affair 05/04, left without giving me time to respond, starting being verbally abusive to me (trying to drive me away) when I tried to contact him, has been more curious about what I am doing when I have ignored him. I am trying to protect the love I have for him and live my own life, letting him be for the time being with the hope that he will realize that he misses the life with me that provided so much passion, love, and emotional support. Hopefully the "fog" will lift and he'll share some of the work I have done to try to salvage our marriage.

Good luck ( :