WH moved his stuff out of OW apartment and gave NC letter. He said all the right things but in the end no actions. My son is now 12 days old. I had to return to the hospital for two days because of an infection from breastfeeding. My mother and son came with me. While I was sick my WH and I were supposed to be trying to find a connection. He was not trying at all and I needed him to love and support me as I had a fever of 104. The last straw was when he told me "atleast I am here"
I was like you are supposed to be here you are my husband his father ect. I talked with him and he said he just doesn't have any love for me. I told him what was the point of him being around? He finally said I won't waste your time and left. I went into the hospital that night. He starts the visitation schedule today. He will see his son 5-7. I feel relieved about our relationship as I know that I don't deserve this treatment. I just hurt for my son. I am trying to stay strong, be a new single mom, and look to a better future with someone else. I am going back to my attorney Wed.
Any advice from veterans on how to hold head up through divorce proceedings? Also many of you know he has visitation at me home only. Forget the OW!

Durham -

Sorry you are still having to put up with his stupidity. I know how painful those infections can be. Hope you are feeling better.

I would just plan a life without WH with my child. Then if he comes around it will be a nice surprise.

Dear Durham,

Believer seems to see some possibility that H will come around. Fog Talk is difficult to listen to, and more difficult to respond in a non-escalating manner.

If H is following NC with OW, then you have a major ACTING AS IF component. In several self-help programs, ACTING AS IF is given high value. It often takes a sustance abuser several months, at least, to change his thinking about not loving to have another drink.

You have a choice to insist upon no FOG TALK, but you also have a choice to find anything positive in H's statements and relate to them as positively as possible. "AT LEAST I AM HERE" can be your grounds for divorce, or it can be a positive step in recovery.

"Thanks for being here." Recovery is difficult and takes time, thought and consideration. The recovery board has many examples of how recovering spouse's deal with Fog Talk in Recovery. Have you read Orchid's reference thread?

Orchid's Thread on Recovery Responses to Fog Talk

Blessings

I am not interested in recovery at this point. He is not showing any signs of wanting our marriage. I am sure he is back with the OW since he left my home. He planned a new life with her: marriage and children.

Durham,

First of all, I would like to congratulate your on your new bundle of joy. I'm so glad that everything went fine with the birth and that you were able to greet your new healthy baby boy.

I'm so sorry that your WH continues to be so fogged out and that he is bringing sorrow to those times that should be most joyous for you and your little one right now.

I do not understand why he wishes to have a marriage and children with OW when he has clearly shown that he is ill-equipped to handle his responsibilities to his current wife/son, hence I assume that he is still deep in the fog.

The best thing would probably be to go back to a very dark Plan B, if indeed you still have hope for your marriage. I hate to see you subject yourself to further hurt and pain. I can also truly understand when you say that you are finished fighting. You are still very young and you certainly have a chance of meeting someone great who will be a terrific husband to you and an even better daddy to your little boy.

Take good care of yourself and the little one. You deserve so much more.

Kati

First off, congratulations on the baby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WH moved his stuff out of OW apartment and gave NC letter. He said all the right things but in the end no actions.
He has shown plenty of action by moving out from OW and sending NC letter.

He was not trying at all and I needed him to love and support me as I had a fever of 104. The last straw was when he told me "atleast I am here"
Are you expecting him to immediately start loving you completely and wholeheartedly? That’s not a realistic expectation by any standard.

I told him what was the point of him being around?
Because you have to start somewhere.

Any advice from veterans on how to hold head up through divorce proceedings?
Yeah. Do Plan B

I am not interested in recovery at this point.
So go to Plan B. This is what it is for.

He is not showing any signs of wanting our marriage.
Again, he moved out from ow and sent a NC letter. You proceed to tell him to get lost. How would you expect him to react?

First end the affair. Then you have to start the long process of withdrawal and recovery. It’s far from easy, even under the best of circumstances.

Durham...please your heart. I remember those first days that the baby is home. Your stressed just with the baby and hormonal beyond belief. (I remember crying what seemed buckets of tears!) Add to that an alien husband in withdrawal! I too believe about all he can do at this point is be there. Men generally feel left out at the birth of their child as it is. The focus is on the baby and mom.

Considering the situation with your hormones and his inability to do much of anything at this point, you might want to rethink ending it. Everyone is stressed! Give it a few days and see how you feel. I'm sure you've spoken with your doctor about the stress as well.

Take care. You're in my prayers...