One thing that became very apparent to me after my discussion with Steve Harley, was his surprise that that the counselor my H and I have been seeing seems to be working on how to end the marriage, rather than how to save it. He seems to have taken the attitude that our marriage is hopeless, a lost cause, due to my H's MLC and desire to find a woman closer to his own age. Instead of working with my H to emphasize all the positive aspects of our relationship and marriage, he and my H came to the agreement after only one session that obviously, because of the age difference, "my H does not want to be married to me", dispite the fact that we love each other, get along great, wonderful sex life, two great kids etc.
So the counselor has been urging us to "begin to grieve" the end of our marriage, even though my H has not moved out yet, and H has said he is in no hurry. I almost think that the counselor has never dealt with this kind of older wife, younger husband situation, and cannot really accept it himself, maybe because he is around my age and the idea of a woman my age prefering a younger man is not comfortable to him. Maybe I am just reading things into the situation, but he asked if I act like a mother to my H (not the case, H rules the roost") and if this was a "Mrs. Robinson" type scenario at the start (it wasn't, H pursued me". He also reminded me that I am technically old enough to be my H's mother (like I never thought of this after 16 years together!)
Anyway, I feel a little frustrated that my H, who was ambigious about staying in the marriage after his recent flare up with the OW, walked out of he first session ready to end the marriage, after almost 14 years and many good features, regardless of what this will do to our kids who are totally unsuspecting.
The last session we had with this counselor was together as a couple. The counselor actually took our picture together like we are a case study! Anyway, the counselor seems to have less hope for us than we do as a couple, even though my H is now using the counselor's opinion as his guidance to choose to leave the marriage.
And of course, OW is still in the picture - H says she is the only person that he can openly discuss his problems with, since she knows the whole story, so he still talks with and sees her. She is definitely not the unbiased observer, as she rationalized going after him in the first place due to our age difference. I'm sure she fuels the fire and is incouraging him to leave. She also has hinted that if she doesn't get pregnant by her H in the next few months, she will divorce him and then the two of them can end up together.
So the whole family just got back from a wonderful, relaxing week long vacation. No plans were made in relation to his impending move, although we touched on the fact that it will eventually happen. I may be grasping at straws, but I feel like these next few weeks (or how ever long it takes for him to make that move) is my last chance for Plan A, last chance that maybe he will change his mind and realize he is leaving his best chance for his best happiness, not some "maybe I'll be happier" with OW or another younger choice. Then again, I know that his actually leaving may be the only thing that will really prove this to him, but even if he comes back, for how long until he has another MLC?
Its just frustrating that the counselor is not saying anything about "age doesn't matter" if you have everything else going for you in a marriage. We don't have any other choices through our company referal, and I am afraid the damage is done.
