Friday everything came out to the open.....

Wife went crazy when I told her what evidence I had and she just tried to make me feel guilty...
I gave her a chance to leave and she wanted full custody of our kids and I said " NO"....
She wants to put it behind us and work on the marriage. She also promised that it's over with the both OM's but still does not confess to a PA even that the evidence show their is.....
She even threw in my face about privacy and I did not see her actually have sex......

So far she is showing some improvements but it's too early to tell....

I reaally need some help to what to do next to help this marriage....
Please help.
Thanks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by deeppain:
<strong>
She wants to put it behind us and work on the marriage. She also promised that it's over with the both OM's but still does not confess to a PA even that the evidence show their is.....
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, the next step, if she's serious about working on your marriage is to end all contact with the OM by sending him a no contact letter. She should never ever see him again. Secondly, she will need to open her life to you, so that you know where she is at all times. She should give you cellphone passwords, voicemail, etc. In short, she should be doing everything in her power to earn your trust again.

I would also suggest getting into marriage counseling to find out why she had an affair. Unless that problem is addressed and fixed, she is likely to repeat it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She even threw in my face about privacy and I did not see her actually have sex......

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But you don't need to have "seen" her have sex to know she did, you know she did. Even if she won't admit it, you know she did. Just tell her you already know this.

Also, she is not entitled to the privacy to destroy you behind your back. Tell her married people have no privacy, especially to carry on an affair and that you will snoop if you have to in order to protect yourself. Dont' let her make you feel guilty for catching her.

<small>[ August 23, 2004, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

thank you for your comments...

yes she has to earn the trust again....
She does not want to go to counsiling , i guess due to she was imbarrissed on what she has done.....
I told her that she has no privacy to what she has done....

Tonight she is going to the gym and I am not comfortable with that due to I found out she meets the OM when she goes their????
How should i tell her this....

thanks.

Don't you need a good gym work out yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Put on your sneakers and your shorts, grab your towel, and go with her ... don't ask, just go.... and have fun together.

Pep

Good thought but I go to the gym every morning before i head for work ....
I also have three kids that I do not have anyone I could leave them with....

I would love to go with her...

TAKE THE KIDS to the gym!

Are the OMs married?? EXPOSE TO THEIR WIFES!!

Time to get PRO-active. Besides it feels better than moping around feeling sorry for oneself.

She wants to work on the marriage?? GOOD!! A good marriage counsler is a MUST. And they are very helpful.

Is she truly remorseful?? The enormity of what she has done probably has not totally hit her yet.

DO YOU WANT TO SAVE THE MARRIAGE?? You have to answer that one.
k

Im just trying to figure this out...

Some how it still feels the same, she has not said she is sorry or how much she has hurt me....
she still goes for her bike ride and to fitness...

We were intimate this morning, it has been better than I had for years but I dont know...
I feel that maybe I screwed up when I exposed it .....
I dont know.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Deep.....

Listen to me very carefully...I am going through this as well...Im about 2 weeks ahead of you. Recently everything came and she said she was sorry for being selfish and she wants to work on our marriage. We went away alone together and everything seemed great. We also have 3 kids..

A week later she was back at it again. The fog dropped again because she was in withdrawal and she fell off the wagon. Much like an alcholic.

Currently she is in the fog and as asked for custody. There is no way im leaving let alone without my kids.

I am on A-d and am seeking legal advice and action to protect myself and my kids.

If she wants to separate so badly then let her go but under no circumstances should you leave. This will be seen as abandonment.

hope this helps.

thanks for stopping by....

We are similar.....
It was 5 days ago for my D-day and she did not say sorry to me but she said she will try and have no contact with them.....

She has shown some improvements like alittle more talkative,and buying new bed and furniture for our new house which we will be moving in in a few months.....She even made love to me yesterday morning and has given me a intimate kisses that she has not given me for 3 years....not even a kiss.....
She has jokes arrouns abit but something I still get worried on.... she seems not to spend time to regain my trust in her.
The thing I do not know if she is still in contact, she goes out on a bike ride like last night...She went last night on a bike ride foe 1.5 hours and came back in a normal breathing?????
I would thing that long you would look tired....
She has noticed that I did not looked pleased and she asked, I just got up and walked away....Maybe that was a wrong thing to do????

I told her on D-day that if I find out that you are lying to me , it's over and I will give no mercy......
her parents has figured it out but I do not know what they are saying to her, I just know they told her that you have a family and you should look at what you have done and fix it!!!!

I was also on A-D and had to stop due to it was making me sooo sleepy that I was worse of with them.....

I am feeling to start investigating her again to see if she is not lying and continueing the A's with both men.....
I kind of feel that I screwed up but I have no Idea how to handle it.....

Thanks you for commenting, i really need some advise.

Deeppain, I hate to tell you this, but I suspect she is still in contact. I hope I am wrong, but you should be watching her like a hawk right now.

Has she sent NC letter to the OM? Have her parents been told? If not, I would make sure that they know about this. If you want this to end, you need to expose this to family and friends.

I am a married woman who had an affair on my husband over a year ago.He never would have known but the guilt and shame overcame me and i told him everything about it.I knew that if my M were to survive i had to come clean and admit the affair.Your wife needs to come clean and accept what she has done.What i had done to us was so painful you can,t describe.I cry all the time i don,t sleep well and can,t eat either.Being the one who has had the A i know the stage your wife is at.She does not want to take responsibility for her actions.As far as privacy goes she is hiding something she does not want you to know.Possibly the A is still going on?.I feel that it has not stopped and until she admits this and comes clean your marriage will only get worse.Be careful and good luck.R.M.U.

Thanks everyone.....

I am going to investigate more to see if it's still going on.. she knows that if i catch her again their will be real bad consiquences and I will expose everything.....

I just have one question, if she is trying to reconsile and she initiates sex. should I have sex with her or should I stay away...
I am worried if she is trying that not having sex with her may make matters worse. She has been initmate yesterday and it was really good sex and she also was giving me intimate kisses which she has not kissed me for 3 years?????
What are your thoughts..
Thanks.

bump

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Originally posted by deeppain:


I just have one question, if she is trying to reconsile and she initiates sex. should I have sex with her or should I stay away...


</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ohohOH !!! (((pep jumping up and down waving arm in air))) "I know" ooh "I know" "Call on ME!"

Sex with your wife... why YES!

and go further than that ... do something completely OUT OF THE ORDINARY when you do have sex with your wife...

get new exciting underwear

new aftershave

new longer and slower foreplay (reeeeealy sloooooow)

new kissing position

new toy

new massage oil

new scented candles

new music on the CD player

new dirty words you never tried before

YOU be suspiciously different than she expects!

Pep (aren't you glad you asked?)

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>