I admit it...I am human. I am giving into my need to vent on petty issues and relieve pressure that is building up in my mind. I have been holding it in and I need to get the anger off my chest. This is my only outlet because no one else understands....not family or friends.
I must be doing a good Plan A and because I have footprints (aka doormat) on my face. For the moment, I will stop working on me and filling his EN's...onto venting.
For months, I have been patiently waiting for the A to end. I listen to the WH talk about the OW is physically unattractive, dresses poorly, cannot speak English very well, been divorced twice, lies, stands him up, doesn't drive more than 10 miles or on freeway (in major metropolitian city) and cannot fill his SF...and yet contact continues.
As for me, I work full time and make enough so WH could retire at 55. I pay all the bills and keep house. WH has admitted that I fill SF, his most important EN and am physically attractive, his 2nd EN. He started his own business without a plan and when it floundered, he blamed me for not supporting him. After four years, shouldn't a business be self-sustaining? I helped take care of his mom with alzheimer, my mom with a stroke and his brother with a heart attack. I realize these things lead to his mid-life crisis--all this responsibility and all he wanted to do is runaway so he hooked up with the first friendly greeting.
I looked at him last night and do you know what it is like when you are trying to distance yourself from someone? I looked at him eating a chili burger, licking chili off his hand. He had not showered in two days after being in 100+ degree heat and had not shaved in that same amount of time. Him and his ear hairs in all of their glory. I asked myself, what am I saving?
In the very first days after D-day, I had a saying, "DTD" which means "Drop the Dweeb". I have also thought how easy he would be to replace because I like dweebs.
Am I saving the M because I really love him or because someone just said I can't have him? What is love anyway?
Ok, enough venting, I had to just get it off my chest. Thanks for letting me vent......whew...I feel better. If anyone else would like to adjust their attitude by venting, please feel free....you do have to promise to go back to MB work, however.
<small>[ August 28, 2004, 10:40 PM: Message edited by: SureSurvivor ]</small>
