<small>[ September 25, 2004, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

Hi pem!

I was hoping things would go differently for you last night. I'm sorry you are seperating.

The one positive thing I see out of your conversation with your H is...at least he's not going to string you along lying and denying. Whether it's how he really feels or some fog babble, he put it right out there on the table that he's thinking of himself, gonna work on himself and he can't promise faithfulness.

I never had to do Plan A or B so I'm not sure what advice I can offer. It seems as though you could Plan A while you are still in the house together...to let your H know that you love him and do not want to be separated or possibly D'd. I'd be careful of SF without protection, however. I suspect your H has been involved in PA's from your previous posts.

I'm sure others more experienced will post and guide you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry your discussion went the way it did.

Take care.

sss

<small>[ August 24, 2004, 08:05 AM: Message edited by: stillsosad ]</small>

Dear Pemberley,

Your post touched my heart and as a FWW I can’t imagine how any WS can react so negative & ignoring towards the loving and caring actions & expressions from a BS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Since I’ve not been in a similar situation and ever felt & react the same way towards my dear H while I was in the fog and withdrawal, I don’t have any advice to offer… I can just pray that your H will open his eyes and realize how lucky he is to have such a forgiving & loving W…and that he will start to appreciate you for this… Pemberley, I have great admiration for your unconditional love towards your H and M in spite of the difficult circumstances. May God bless your for this…and may he grant you continuous guidance and strength during this difficult time.

Blessings and prayers to you, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

pem -

You really need to do what feels right for you. You could plan A your heart out for the next 3 1/2 weeks so you know that you gave your all to saving your M. It will be hard to do because it sounds like you probably won't get anything (EN's met) back.

I think I would probably leave as quickly as possible since he's not really showing any interest in rebuilding your trust, M, relationship or anything. But I'm not you or the one in your M, so that's easy for me to say. It's possible that leaving could be a wake-up call for your H.

Have you considered talking with an IC, MC or SH to see what to do? You could probably use some professional advice on this.

Take care.

sss

pem, i would really like to say a lot and address everything you've said but unfortunately i have to be brief because of things going on in my own situation.

what i want to say is that i think you will find a common theme among folk here to ALWAYS plan A until plan B or D. you always want to paint an attractive picture of yourself and never give your H any reason (or ammunition) to D or justify his behavior (even though we all know he's not justified in what's he's doing). also what someone else said is that you want to be able to look back and know that you have done everything, even if it was for 3 weeks. i have done siginificant counseling w/SH and have been diligent to post our session here on the forums. if you want or have time you can always read my threads, just do a search by my member #.

as far as moving out, IMO i don't think you should move out, let him. as far as affection, etc. that goes more to your comfort level. but also keep in mind how he might perceive things (you being needy). it's been since last october for SF for me even though dday wasn't until feb this year and it has never been an issue since but i'm not even in the same state as my H. okay, i'm talking about me too much. my point is that i spoke some about this w/SH (mostly about hugging) and he said if my H approached me that it's okay to go ahead and hug him. it was even okay for me to offer a hug to my h but not to over dramatize things.

start and end each day w/prayer and for wisdom to do what is needed in your situation and always seek the counsel of God. but i do think it would benefit you greatly to get into counseling w/a professional. my opinion is to counsel w/the harleys (SH preferrably) but i know that it's terribly expensive. my second choice would be a pro-marriage counselor who does both IC and MC. that way you can use them for IC and when/if the time comes you can bring your H on board for MC and even his own IC.

God bless and continued prayers to you, RR