I have 3 questions:

Why is it that the Church (in my case the Christian Church) rarely addresses infidelity, outside of the context of sin? e.g Sex outside of marriage is sin!!!! End of instruction?

Also, why am I having such a hard time dealing with something that happened almost 30 years ago, before Christ? I consider myself a strong Christian woman, but my faith has been rattled to the core.

I may have to turn to prozac to deal with this at the same time as dealing with menopause. What kinda bad joke is this God? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jce052:
<strong> I have 3 questions:

Why is it that the Church (in my case the Christian Church) rarely addresses infidelity, outside of the context of sin? e.g Sex outside of marriage is sin!!!! End of instruction? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe it depends on what church you attend. Our pastor often talks about how even the strongest marriages can fall to infidelity. We have classes for married couples who want to learn how to safeguard their marriages, and make them better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jce052:
<strong>Also, why am I having such a hard time dealing with something that happened almost 30 years ago, before Christ? I consider myself a strong Christian woman, but my faith has been rattled to the core. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not sure what your story is, jce052. Forgive me. If you are saying that you just discovered this infidelity from a long time ago, even before you were a Christian, I can only say that the pain of infidelity has no time limitations. It hurts to find out about it as deeply as the day after it occurred, or thirty years later. My walk has also been extremely challenged, but I can say that God has never let me go. He won't let you go, either.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jce052:
<strong>I may have to turn to prozac to deal with this at the same time as dealing with menopause. What kinda bad joke is this God? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am the Prozac queen, jce052. Took it long before the affairs and, guess what? It helped the incredible PMS I used to experience. Now doctors prescribe Prozac for Premenstrual Syndrome. I am just heading into menopause myself and I wouldn't think of doing it without Prozac.

Lots of people take anti-depressants to help them deal with infidelity. There is no shame in having a take with your doctor about it and consider his or her recommendations.

Hang in there.
~ Snow

Thanks Snowbelle;

At the time of A, I, H & OW were all drug addicts, almost 30 years ago. Hence my fear of drugs i.e. prozac. But I am not doing well on my own. My mood swings are becoming very serious.

My church does not offer anything right now that would be helpful to me. That is why I am here. I'm grasping for help.

How does Prozac affect your ability to function and what does it do to your sex drive?

jce -

WOW! My favorite subjects, Christianity, Infidelity, Prozac and Menopause. Been thru them all.

Gosh, where do I start? First I guess with Christianity. My Church has lots of talks about infidelity. So maybe you need to change churches.

Now on drugs - I'm the same as you. In my teens I did a few drugs. But the anti-depressant drugs are helpful, not for escape.

Menopause - Not fun, but so glad I'm done with that. It was awful while going on, but how nice not to have "that time of the month".

Please give us more information. We can help you.

believer...menopause? You don't look a day over thirty on that bike!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

jce, OK, religion. Sorry, can't help. I spent 10 yrs as a Jehovah's Witness... prolly a bit like your experience with drugs.

Infidelity. Church does say more. God replaced the ten commandments with two new commandments. Firstly to Love God, and secondly to love your neighbour as yourself. If you loved your neighbour you would not engage in something so harmful as infidelity. Another Christian rule of thumb is "do unto others". It's pretty damned basic to Christianity.

Prozac. Yep, will totally mess with your sex life. Most SSRI's do, unless you are in the small minority of folk who escape this side effect. Wellbrutin doesn't. Actually my dad has just started taking one that is for anxiety, that would help mood swings. It's call Avanza, which is some other name in the US. Look it up on Google. It doesn't inhibit sexual function but makes you gain weight. I'm sure you'll be racing to the doc to get some of that. <sigh>

menopause. I was 49 11 months heading into a lovely quiet menopause, with my PMS finally a thing of the past. I was happy, peaceful, fit and healthy. Them bam! Husband of 30 yrs, light of my life, found with 26 yo asian trash.

I'm 2 yrs past discovery and my mood swings are formidable. I have regressed into strong hormonal gyrations - with the moods to match. It's like PMS, but the worst I've ever experienced. On the net there is a condition like PMS but worse. (dysphoric something) It's cyclical deep depression and terrible anger - when I read it I thought it was me exactly. Forgotten the name. You can read about it under PMS on Google. For PMS they say anti depressants are the only treatment.

I have in front of me an article that I tore out of a newspaper on the plane last week. I saw the bold heading. Pine bark pill for PMS. Subheading: Pill made from pine tree bark is proving an effective treatment for women suffering pre-menstral sydndrome. It's called Pycnogenol. There's loads about it on Google, but not in relation to PMS. (it's an antioxident I gather) The research about it says it cures PMS, even sore breasts, in 100% of cases it was trialed on. It's so annoying for me as I was on a plane leaving the UK and I could have bought it while I was visiting. Now my big problem is getting it (i live in asia). I suspect it would help me enormously. The article was not an advertisement. it was a long article about PMS and how good this stuff was. I'm so desperate, coz I'm ready to walk away from 32 yrs of marriage - and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my moods, which are all over the place.

The shock of infidelity can throw anyone's moods into chaos, but if you are suffering PMS/menopause? God help us!

Oh, and I have refused anti depressants, but did find St. John's Wort good. I've stopped taking it because of extremely painful breasts and I'm fearing that it's a plant estrogen and I can't take phytoestrogens because of a strong family history of breast cancer. If you are happy to try St. John's Wort and you can get one that has an excellent reputation, then take it. It's very good. And if you find the pine bark stuff, lemme know PLEASE!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> Why is it that the Church (in my case the Christian Church) rarely addresses infidelity, outside of the context of sin? e.g Sex outside of marriage is sin!!!! End of instruction? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jce052, I understand exactly what you mean… I was raised with the perception (and by my father’s example) that there is nothing wrong with close opposite sex friendships as long as there is no physical involvement, declarations of love towards each other etc. I was raised in the church and in a religious family, I know the rules about physical adultery which is explicitly prohibited in the Script, but I didn’t know (and there is not clear guidance in the Script) about EA’s and opposite sex friendships. In the Script Jesus teach about ‘adultery of the heart’, but this is where the discussion stops and I always interpreted this verse in the Bible as lustful and adulterous thoughts about an opposite sex person... I first learn about EA’s and that I was involved in one after I’ve discovered this website on MB and after my own inappropriate involvement corrected all the wrong perceptions I had about opposite sex friendships. I recognize these kinds of friendships all around me now (because of what I’ve learned from my own experience) but it seem people (even good, religious people) don’t even realize that they’re on dangerous grounds and as you've said, many churces don't addres and teach about these things...

Regarding A/D’s… I you feel you need it and your doctor feel it’s necessary, then make use of it! Many people here on MB use these drugs (I use it myself). If you use it safely and correctly, it can be of much help in your personal recovery and during this difficult time.

Blessings,
Suzet