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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 20 |
I recently wrote a letter saying that i had an affair on my husband of 4yrs and also said that the person i had the affair with is someone from my past that maybe i should never have walked away from.My husband knows everything of this affair i have hid nothing.I am trying to rebuild my marriage i even sent my ex a no contact letter still neither of us can stay away from each other but the sexual affair is no longer happening and it won,t.I don,t want to hurt anybody and i don,t want to have my cake and eat it to.as a person that has had an affair i to have feelings and i to feel pain.I really am in a situation that i care so much for both and i don,t know what to do.My husband and i are both on here.I don,t know how to get this other man out of my heart.Please help.R.M.U.
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
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Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
RMU:
Good, your husband knows.
You still must choose.
My wife, who had a 11-yr affair with a coworker, recently said 2 me (again) that I can't expect her 2 stop caring about RM, that she can't change how she feels. I agree: She can't change how she feels, but her feelings WILL change. She can CHOOSE 2 follow what she knows is right.
You can choose 2 recommit 2 your marriage. You will have 2 end all contact of any kind with your boyfriend for the rest of your life. THEN, your feelings will about him will start 2 change.
Just know you're in for a long haul here. It can take 2-5 YEARS 2 recover from infidelity. Both you and your husband.
-ol' 2long
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
We have had lots of women here going thru the same thing. I know you don't want to hear this, but you are now like a heroin addict. How does a junkie stop? By staying completely away from the heroin.
I'm sure that you think that you and OM have a special relationship, and are soulmates that were meant to be together. Keep reading here, and you will see that your love for the other man is so common and base, you will see your sit over and over.
And if you "just cannot stop", let me tell you the statistics of an extramarital relationship lasting. Of all relationships that begin like yours did, only 5% lead to marriage. And out of the 5% that do get married, there is a 75% chance of getting a divorce.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 20 |
Thank you for your reply.Its not easy being on either sides of the fence.My ex and i still keep in contact im trying to walk away but i really don,t know how to do that.Everybody tells me im strong enough to do anything.But long before this affair happened we were having serious problems already i still love my husband but its just not the same and i don,t know how to get back what we once had.Love can be a very painful thing.Im worn out and exausted by my own doing i might add.I really am sorry for your pain and i truly hope your marriage can overcome this pain and get back to where you once where i know i do with mine.God Bless You.R.M.U
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 20 |
Thank you for your reply.Its not easy being on either sides of the fence.My ex and i still keep in contact im trying to walk away but i really don,t know how to do that.Everybody tells me im strong enough to do anything.But long before this affair happened we were having serious problems already i still love my husband but its just not the same and i don,t know how to get back what we once had.Love can be a very painful thing.Im worn out and exausted by my own doing i might add.I really am sorry for your pain and i truly hope your marriage can overcome this pain and get back to where you once where i know i do with mine.God Bless You.R.M.U
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