* oops ! Double post ! *

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Just had another one. My WW spends her life watching romantic movies and siging lately..

Just watched 'Runaway Bride' ( again).

WW * sigh *
bob " Whats up ? Anything I can help you with ? "
WW " You stole my romance from me * sigh *
bob " Thats right, I stole it 17 years ago when we had a white wedding in front of God and Family just like Julia and Richard on the TV !"
WW " no I mean properly romantic. With OM.
bob "Yes, I am sure all of OMs three weddings have been very romantic"
WW " no you don't understand, all three were mistakes. He loves me like no-one else ever "
bob " Why is he still with his GF then when she offered to split everything down the middle last week ?"
WW " I told you - he's calming her down for when he leaves her for me"
bob " my hovercraft is full of eels"
WW * sigh *
bob ( silently) God give me strength to not beat her soundly about the head with the TV remote control.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When do they stop all the romantic teenaged sighing humiliating cr@p? I may have to kill her and bury her in the garden if it lasts too long <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

" I know what you're trying to do you know - trying to buy me off by being as nice as ever. It won't work !" ( after I bought WW a bouquet)

OMG OMG OMG

YOU do know what this means, don't you????

This means your Plan A efforts ARE HAVING AN EFFECT ON HER!!!

She is noticing your niceness and your core goodness, and it annoys her enough to have to deny it is genuine ... and it tweaks her conscience, so she gets angry (don't forget Bob, you ain't seen the last of her angry outbursts)

WW gave you a gift with this foggy remark of hers!

She complimented your Plan A!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (she just did not know it at the time)

Pep

Pep thats an interesting interpretation.

I hope you're right. My Plan A seems a bit lame last coupla days as she's getting crankier. I think OM has stopped contact while he deals with the death of his son.

I'm just still doing no annoying habits, keeping smart and attractive, being fun and empathetic, involving WW in any fun stuff with kids, saying nothing controversial, 'being there' when she needs to wig out etc etc

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Bob, am I allowed in here?

I said each and every one of them. The ones I didn't say, I thought.

Can I tell you how it makes me cringe with embarrassment to remember them? Can I tell you that I can't believe the person typing this was that person? I will never find them funny, just horribly sad. But I think the way you are dealing with it, with humour, is just how my H dealt with it and look where we are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You're doing great Bob, but as everyone has said, she hasn't even started to hit rock bottom yet.

Jen

Jen you are allowed in my posts and my house darl'

{{{{jen}}}}

No offense to XWS here.

It just looks like I am living with a crazy person right now and she will be crazy for ever. Still I'll keep up keepin' up ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am TRYING to treat this with humour. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt at all....it does. But hurt isn;t going to help at all,so I will laugh instead.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">


But I think the way you are dealing with it, with humour, is just how my H dealt with it and look where we are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Jen

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOOK where "they are" celebrating 30 wonderful years together and boinking like bunnies <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
boinking
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">* sigh * I remember that. Seems a looooooong time ago.

Just TOUCHING would be a thrill right now ! I may go to the 24-hour supermarket now just to see a woman smile at me after eleven at night ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bob Pure:
<strong>
bob ( silently) God give me strength to not beat her soundly about the head with the TV remote control.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BOB RULES!

Thanks FM !

I'm a bit sad tonight tho'. My Giver is pretty knackered through overwork and my taker is straining at the leash for a bit of exercise. I think a trip to the comedy club with the boys is on the cards for Saturday.

I need people who like me to like me for a while.

More fog this morning:

bob " May I ask that you cancel one of your cellphone accounts please? We know you are contacting OM every day anyway and its not fair that I pay for two accounts"
WW " If you weren't spying on me I wouldn't need another cellphone would I?"
bob " If you weren't telling untruths about your affair I wouldn't need to find out stuff by other means"

Later I sent her a TXT message to her 'sectret' cellphone about some grocery I need.

She sent this message back :
"[censored] off using this phone. U think its clever dont u."
I replied saying " well, seeing as you ask so nicely ! ". An LB ? maybe but its not my fault she's grumpy ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hmmm. Almost an LB there maybe. Its going be an unpleasant day.

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 03:58 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Mrs Bob Pure&#8217;s thoughts

"Selfish he knows this is my PRIVATE phone, for INTIMATE texts, my heart skipped a beat when text alert went off, you know how it is....dreaming...thought I was gonna get sweet loving message, but no, oh no, thumped nay bludgeoned into reality with a basic shopping request, really, is that the best he can do for me...misery,misery, who made me feel this, no romance, no nothing to make me feel happy"

Bob I know your trying and I do know the struggle between being 'nice' sic and being smart...duh I have messed up on the road don&#8217;t you know, still do at times.

You have the secret no. wow.. you have an amazing tool... (did I type that??? - I mean the phone... sigh humour walks in when least expected..ooops). Anyhows the phone. Up till now that phone has been the sole receipent of tender loving messages to your darling wife. What happened is done. So what it let her know you know the no., now new strategy thoughts - use it to reconnect you two.

Given a choice wouldn't you rather receive a text that made you feel good about yourself.

Start out simple, not too overwhelm her, one message a day. Short quick texts. ie. "I love you" next day add "I LOVE YOU (NAME) Your Husband Bob XXX", next go the extra line "I DO LOVE YOU (NAME) Your Devoted Husband Bob XXX"
"Thinking of (name something unique you both enjoyed) ALL MY LOVE BOB XXXX"

Be her escape, her friend, "I'm Here 4 U", "Hope your ok (Name)U R a Good Person", No judgements please, no sarcasm, end texts with LOVE or XXX leave no room for doubt of tone in message.

This will remain in her phone, unless she doubts your sincerity, but so what if she deletes them, you reinforce the message Bob CARES FOR ME, even after all the s**t I put him through, after a period she may question the strength of OM &#8216;love&#8217; (NOT) for her, would OM stand by her lovingly support her if she cheated on him with you!!, pst don&#8217;t say that out loud yet, that comes later in a caring, open, receiptive conversation.

At this point it worked for me not to allude to the hurt inflicted, if you go there, it seems to only push ws further away, guilt etc. rest assured she is suffering in her head & heart too.

She may react angry, I don't know, I hope not.
Word of caution from the dare I say it 'wise' okay from someone who's been walked, nope crawled through this quagmire, the things you say & do that make her feel good about herself will not and you must not expect them to be reciprocated - not for a long long time - they come with her clarity - but first you gotta help her get out of the fog - bite your tongue, whenever poss, think bigger picture. You are the man. Introduce the doubt into her mind, give her room to talk & think that you are all that & more, and then prove it, by actions & words.

Be Strong, not a trekkie by any means, but there is speak of alien abduction (it helps to visualise it, think of the most stupid looking antennae coming out of her head as she says hurtful things but promise me you won&#8217;t burst out laughing in her face, green spots too if it helps...)so my brother in arms I say to you "May the Force Be With You". or in commoner gardener lingo, protect yourself (ignore the bad stuff bounce it off as have been doing KUDOS TO YOU) and do the good for both of you.

Best wishes
Ktulu
Ps thanks for recognising yeah Metallica was head banging get your feet on the floor, and shift your [censored] into action music at the time for me, the year I started cursing aloud, and no-one save the dog heard over those loud rockers, hence Ktulu, my escape moments. Now you know I was a teenybopper when that band were popular&#8230; yikes!!

Ktulu that is some interesting advice. I will think on it * strokes chin*

Not sure right now if calling the 'Ba(s)tphone' isn't like prodding an open sore. She was as pleasant as cystitis on a sponsored walk over it this morning. As you say it was like I had DARED to encroach on her fantasy portal.

I will think about what to do. I send her regular TXTs to her 'pukka' cellphone anyway. She don't like them. Remember TXTs was how she communicate ith OM during their absensces and STILL IS. Also how I discovered the A.

I know - I will cancel the 'mainstream' phone so she only has the Ba(s)tphone. Or is that a LB ?

Bob -- Just tuning in to your thread. I like your style.

I do think you and Ktulu should edit the MB book of fogtalk.

Here's the line I got before D-Day: "Our marriage is still good, but not as good as it was." Well, of course not! He was getting b**w jobs from the local crazywoman!

Well....following some food for thought in another thread, I'm a little less inclined to mock my WWs fog. Still, if it helps me cope, right ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

After a morning of spite and nastiness, my WW went with a friends family to a country park with both sets O' kids. I just got back from the Gym to find...she bought me some country fudge. Just left lying there on my desk.

No note, nothing. Its almost worth choking on fog for that...

Just wanted to add my foggy comments:

WH- well, some people think wearing shorts to church is wrong.

WH- IT is just a generation thing

Wh said to his mother it is her fault for raising him in church all his life.

They only reason he married me is because he didn't want to humiliate me in front of friends and family.

He really did not want to have kids he thought it would make me happy and he likes making people happy.

Now I look back on all of these statements and have to just laugh!

WW - A is really not that important to me.
WW to her parents when asked about the A. She leaving to persue career only. Right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WW - I may never see A again.
Never mind that she is taking auditions for a job three states away that just happens to be weeeelllll in the exact same town that A lives in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mine is fogging herself into believeing that the A has nothing to do with it. Craziness!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Fog is sometimes funny, sometimes not.

Last night I move to take my 7YO son to bed.

YS " Mommy can you take me to bed please?"
WW " No, Daddy will "
YS *upset* " But I haven't seen you since last night, you've been karate-ing again"
WW " DADDY WILL TAKE YOU ! "
YS " Please Mommy, you're never here to put me to bed now "
WW *sneering * " You'll get over it...."

dear oh dear....If she ever comes out of this fog she will wince at some of this stuff.

Another one from last week - we having a heart-to heart.

ME "I am proud of your achivements in Karate & refereeing, but understand that refereeing is a hurtful thing to me right now as it was the final enabler for the A."
WW "My A need not have been a referee, it could of been anyone"
ME "Really ? You were so sad in our M you were looking for an affair with ANYONE ?"
WW "WHEN did I say that ???!!!!"
Me "twenty seconds ago "
WW "You're twisting my words. I meant that, well, I don't know what I meant.Lets just forget it"
ME " Another Nacho, Darl'?"

"I thought once we got back on track, I wouldn't need her anymore."

Uh, we cannot get back on track when you are having an A.

An interesting one improving...

There have been some classic fog-ese statements.

I've already run a few of these past Squid to see what she thnks now, but she denied ever saying them. maybe it really IS like another person who hasan affair ?

I am reminded however of the best fog babble.

OM GF called me to say OM had teken her on a 'lets start again' holiday to Menorca after I exposed the A to her and she responded by telling him to take half of everything and f'k off.

Squid told me " He said he's softening her up so he can leave her for me when the time is right".

"when will the time be better than his GF giving him half of everything and me saying you can go if you want?".

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR LOVE !!" and she stormed off.

Funny ? yes. Also delusional and quite sad. I knew that moment I could get her back if I wanted. OM was just playing with her.