I usually post in Pregnancy/OC. Not many people posting there these days so I decided to post this here.

I had a dream last night. Husband was telling me how tight OW was and about how I was loose. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Reality is the night before he was talking about having a threesome. I said when he cheated it was sorta like a threesome. We just weren't all in the bed at the same time. I think he really wants to get me and OW in the bed together.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Anybody else have dreams about OP, or insecurity's concerning sex because of OP.

Welcome my dear!

and Yeah... my H wanted us to have a threesome too. I think he really didn't (perhaps still doesn't) understand how hurtful that is to me. It was his way to "let me in on things", I guess, to make it less of an A but more of a "fun game to play among friends".

Hmm.. and if you're really worried about the "loose" thing.. there are excercices to remedy that, after pregnancy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Are you pregnant now?

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 09:56 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>

Hi brownhair,

No you misunderstood. Husband is expecting baby by OW. It is due anytime. She has dilated 2 CM.
I have had four kids. I think haveing baby's did something to my tightness, but during sex I use my muscles to make it better if you know what I mean. I sometimes worry that OW was better in bed to him than I was. And before this I always thought I was the best. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

G..
My H also said we could have a threesome with the OW. Are they out of thier F******g minds???? Why do they say things like that? It really does hurt. How long have you been married?
I'm sorry that you have to be here but you will get good advice. Hang in there.
Hugs!
T~

Hi,

I do not know what it is with these men and the fantasy of a threesome. I thought I was alone on this. I thought my husband was the only one that insane. We have been married three years. Don't they realize that if we were to go along that we would compare how they react to us and which one they would show the most emotion too. If this fantasy became a reality, they would end up with only one of us, the one they showed the most emotion too. I wonder if it would be me??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I think it would definately be too painful. And probably make us sick. BLAHH

It would definitely make me sick. Men can be so repulsive sometimes. My H also says she's very nice and I would like her and why can't we all just be friends. Is he insane!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't even want to be his friend right now!
We just have to hang in there and hopefully things will go our way.

Genia...

I responded to you on the P/OC board.

What MB Plan are you currently in and how long have you been working your Plan?

Pep

Reality is the night before he was talking about having a threesome.

I have always wondered what the WH would say if his BW would remark with...

"hmmm...a 3some...sounds doable...I wonder if that cute Guy from down the street would be interested...I might need to check this out".

Yeah...it sounds awful, as if you would actually entertain such an idea...but it might put it in perspective for him. Plus, the idea of throwing another man in the mix will usually throw them for a loop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I guess it's what would be called "reverse babble".

I'm sure someone will correct me if I am too off base with this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JMHO
committed

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
The ultimate revenge would be.. do a Ross on him.. (anyone seen that Friend's episode?) and do it so good OW will dump your H for YOU..
Sorry, sick mind at work here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>

Pep,

I have been in plan A for 7 month now. Time for Plan B.

Committed,

I tried that. I said well how about a threesome, me and two men. At first he said no. I said well if you want me and another woman, I want you to know how it feels. Funny thing it backfired on me. He said he thought he would enjoy watching another man make me holler. After he said that, I backed off. I said no way. You could not take it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">


We just have to hang in there and hopefully things will go our way.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">THIS is the sort of passive-BS remark that I must VEHEMENTLY oppose!

I know you did not mean this the way it sounded.... but being ~passive~ when facing the destructiveness of an affair in our marriages DOES NOT WORK !!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If you are "hanging in there" while you are at the same time working YOUR carefully considered PLAN to end the affair ... then you are doing something.

"Things will go our way" if we push them in that direction.... sometimes. Not always. But our effort speaks of our integrity and sincerity of intending to save our marriage.

I know I am picking on a single sentence in your post, but I am NOT picking on you.

Please understand, I think passivity is what does NOT work in these situations.

Get a PLAN.... ask for expert help if you do not already have a PLAN (call Penny or Harleys) ... and then you are being proactive in your marriage.

Pep (soap box rant now ended.... thankyewverymuch)

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong> Reality is the night before he was talking about having a threesome.

I have always wondered what the WH would say if his BW would remark with...

"hmmm...a 3some...sounds doable...I wonder if that cute Guy from down the street would be interested...I might need to check this out".

Yeah...it sounds awful, as if you would actually entertain such an idea...but it might put it in perspective for him. Plus, the idea of throwing another man in the mix will usually throw them for a loop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I guess it's what would be called "reverse babble".

I'm sure someone will correct me if I am too off base with this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JMHO
committed </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No corrections here!
Throw another guy in the mix? Now that would make the deluded, fantasy driven H go from
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
to
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
to
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> real fast and lastly
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> very friggin insecure.
Every man knows women have WAY more opportunities than men so please do not reverse babble that too loudly. Besides he doesn't have a clue anyway, having that type of experience is DEFINETLY not something to play with. Lets just say some fantasies should stay fantasies and some are so idiotic that the mere mention should be avoided. His comments are kinda embarrassing to us other more enlightened men. I thought kinda nutty like that in my early 20's, tell him to grow up! Your his wife not some barflyin, hoochie mama....

double trouble <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Hi Brown,

If I went that way. But Hmmm!!!! I think I am way too straight for that. I don't think it would be hard though since he does not do much foreplay. OW even told me that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Genia:
<strong> Pep,

I have been in plan A for 7 month now. Time for Plan B.

Committed,

I tried that. I said well how about a threesome, me and two men. At first he said no. I said well if you want me and another woman, I want you to know how it feels. Funny thing it backfired on me. He said he thought he would enjoy watching another man make me holler. After he said that, I backed off. I said no way. You could not take it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He said WHAT?
I'm sorry Genia but what's going on? I know you cannot defend or define your husbands thought process but he is not typical. I'm hoping he said that just to get a rise out of you.

Okay Ignore my post...Pepper said something quite insightful that might actually help you and I both. I'm over here with my jaw on my keyboard. I can't imagine wanting to see my W with anyone other than me. Hasn't this guy ever heard of a video recorder? Who's he associating with? Someones influencing him....blah. Sorry for the tangent.

Read Peppers post on passivity.

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Originally posted by Genia:
He said he thought he would enjoy watching another man make me holler. After he said that, I backed off. I said no way. You could not take it.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What sort of man says this to his wife? He wants to watch another man make his wife holler???

The saddest part of this is that it is very disrespectful of you, and does not speak well of your husband's level of morals.

Has this been a theme with him your entire marriage? Does he think sex is meant to be a meaningful expression of intimacy in a committed relationship, or not?

What do you think Genia?

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He said he thought he would enjoy watching another man make me holler. After he said that, I backed off. I said no way.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Counter with...

"but Dear, I was thinking it would be ME that got to enjoy watching another man make YOU holler". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

committed

edit: I would only say this to show how absurd the ENTIRE thing is. Maybe he would see it then...but maybe he wouldn't.

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

I have been in plan A for 7 month now. Time for Plan B.

((( Genia )))

Tell us, what are some of the *shining moments* of your Plan A?

How is your love bank holding up?

Pep

Genia..
Yep..I had a dream...an erotic dream..about my husband and I watching my husband and OW on video in a hotel room as foreplay. It was a good dream. Creepy, no?
--Noodle

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I haven't known a man who wasn't scared to become a Ross. There's simply no competing with us and they know it.

In real life men are easily scared of being "the lesser one". Having another man in the room isn't really going to make them feel secure unless this guy is intimitated, of course.

A friend of mine was really testosterone-driven in his younger years. His biggest fantasy was getting together with 2 or even 3 couples. One day his fantasy came true - another couple agreed and all 4 were "ready to go". And what happened? You guessed it - nothing. He couldn't "get it up". All his life he had had no trouble whatsoever with that - and then, nothing, zip, nada.

If I'm really honest I have to admit I feel sorry for such men (and women). I can only imagine the inner rift they must have between their heart and their actions. The indifference with which they throw away their self-esteem, their self-worth, their innate right to be loved instead of being used as a sextoy. Even if that is physically gratifying, it leaves you empty in your heart. And feeling cheap.