Genia..
Correct him..."no dear..I was thinking it would be fun to watch him make you holler

Or, heck have it your way..you can make him holler"

evil noodle.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

rats! cali beat me to it.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi,

Thank you all for your input. Maybe he was serious and maybe he was joking. I am not certain. He jokes a lot. Sometimes I feel close to him, and sometimes I feel a thousand miles away. I got booted off yesterday. I really do think he was joking about going along with a threesome with a guy. I know he is into watching females make love. He wishes I were that way but I am not, and there is nothing he can do to change that.

FamilyMatters,

I appreciate the male perspective.

Pepperband,

He says a lot of disrespectful stuff to me. Mostly I think it is jokes. He jokes about serious stuff though. I am ashamed of some stuff he jokes about. I know he just means it as jokes but all the same it is disrespectful. I do think he would actually have a threesome with a female if I would allow it. He is influenced by his Dad who is really sick. His Dad says I should do a threesome with his son. But, I feel this would ultimately bring more disrespect into the relationship and lower me in his eyes. I feel such an act would bring our relationship to an end for sure.

Hi Noodle,

Sometimes the thought of OW wanting our husbands can make you hot because you know your husband is desireable. It can be a turnon but it is sick too. I guess when you know it is reality it hurts, but as fantasy most women want the men that other women want. Guys will use that as a pickup line. I have had guys tell me another woman was trying to talk to them. I think that is to get you to make your move. I read in a magazine a long time ago that some women want married men because they think that the taken men are the best men.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Genia:
<strong>FamilyMatters,

I appreciate the male perspective.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've said some dumb things myself in my time don't get me wrong. I am not condemning him for his misguided thoughts, many men/myself included have had similar fantasies at one time or another. My concern is that he's kind of far along in the game of life to be FANTASIZING about these types of activities with his W.

How long have you two been married?
Do you know how much living this man has done before being with you?
Has he had many girlfriends?
Has he had his time in the sun dating?

I ask because I remember my period of hormoned induced drunkeness and I am so FAR removed from that stage it's unbelievable. In fact, a few years ago a woman I had dated offered me just such a lifestyle, she thought it was a bargaining chip. I was repulsed. It totally demeaned my respect of her to even suggest I would cheat on my W or leave my W to frolick with her and her friends. I couldn't believe she thought I was so morally bankrupt that I would trade my dignity for that crap! She would have been better off confessing her love for me, not offering me cheap sexual escapades! I'm a grown up. My point is, your H doesn't seem to be in the same mental space as you, maybe he lacks "maturity", maybe he missed out on somethings and he had always dreamed of experiencing? His need to experience these lude things isn't due to an inadequecy in you as a W but rather MIGHT be a symptomatic of his own inadequacies and regression. What did I just say? I do have a point, but I am no psychologist just a man whose seen and dumb some very silly things that I am now only just understanding. If your H read this he would probably think I'm some lame guy putting on a front for the ladies. In our culture MEN are almost expected to be dogs, whose brains are located south of the border. He'd be shocked to know I'm cool, far from lame yet moral (just like most of the other loyal husbands here on MB). Life is not a Howard Stern show, and that's why they call it entertainment silly.

Hi Family,

First, we have been married three years. From what he has told me he was a bad boy in his day. He was a gangster. He had all the women he wanted. Whether he ever did a threesome, I never asked but I think he should have had his fill of whatever he wanted to experience in life. I think his Dad is a very bad influence on him.

Hey Genia..

I'm actually fairly certain that my dream was about not wanting to have been excluded from any sex that includes my husband..I am very territorial...I think my subconscious just made a little mental revision. In reality..that sort of scenario [watching him with another woman]might send me screaming into the woods. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

--Noodle

Hi Noodle,

I am the same way. I told my husband I wish I would have walked in on him with OW. It creeps me that she was actually in my house with my husband with no consequences. I would have liked to embarrass her, or inflicted some sort of pain on her. I like what one woman did. She sent OW out in the street without her clothes. Wouldn't that teach OW to mess with MM.

I have to agree with FamilyMatters -

While some mature people may still have such fantasies, they recognize them as just that - fantasies. They know that to actually act on them would be unhealthy for their marital and personal esteem.

If you have ever seen the movie "Nine and 1/2 Weeks" with Kim Bassinger, you see what was once a happy, outgoing married woman going through the phases of moral depravation at the hands of a sexual predator who gets her to act out his very demeaning sexual fantasies. At the end of the movie she has not only lost her husband, but has lost herself as well. She even ends up dressing all in black to reflect the state of her soul.

It makes me angry Genia that your husband disrespects you in this manner. How hurtful it must be to me with a man such as him.

Hi Weaver,

I feel so lost sometimes. I have never had a man to ever respect me. I would love to know what that felt like. Sometimes I feel so doomed. Like once you have been disrespected by men over the years, that no man will ever respect my wishes. When I was little, my dream was to get married, have kids, and love my husband. That was it. Even though, I have focused on that, I just allowed the wrong men to pick me.

hjnbhjnbumhyujghgjgj
(Taking it one step further than FM--that was the result of my jaw hitting the keyboard <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Loved cali/noodle responses!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Genia:
He says a lot of disrespectful stuff to me. Mostly I think it is jokes. He jokes about serious stuff though. I am ashamed of some stuff he jokes about. I know he just means it as jokes but all the same it is disrespectful.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You need to "demand" respect; words *and* actions. Someone asked, "What is going on here?" It's a good question. Maybe time to take "stock."

Best wishes and God bless.

Genia,

I too have had a lifelong habit of being attracted to and attracting the wrong kind of man for me. MelodyLane told me recently that I don't know what is "appropriate", and she was so right.

I am now reading books on gaining respect such as "Love Must Be Tough" among others. I am here reading alot, trying to find out what a good relationship "looks" like, and what faithful, honest men "look" like. It is a struggle, but the beginning is to recognize our own issue's, and you are doing that, so you will get there.

Weaver

Hi Liny,

I try and make requests that he respect me by not talking to OW behind my back but it gets met with, you are insecure. So because I ask for respect, he see that as me having a character defect. He says he wants me to be strong. What does he mean by that. Maybe defines strong as a woman who can take his ****. If that is what he means, I want no part of it. Then I must define strong as being able to walk away from him.

Weaver,

I first need to define myself, and what type of man I really want. Then I need to reject all others and wait. I am afraid of the craftiness of men these days in disguiseing themselves.

Hi Liny,

I try and make requests that he respect me by not talking to OW behind my back but it gets met with, you are insecure. So because I ask for respect, he see that as me having a character defect. He says he wants me to be strong. What does he mean by that. Maybe defines strong as a woman who can take his ****. If that is what he means, I want no part of it. Then I must define strong as being able to walk away from him.

Weaver,

I first need to define myself, and what type of man I really want. Then I need to reject all others and wait. I am afraid of the craftiness of men these days in disguiseing themselves.

Hi Liny,

I try and make requests that he respect me by not talking to OW behind my back but it gets met with, you are insecure. So because I ask for respect, he see that as me having a character defect. He says he wants me to be strong. What does he mean by that. Maybe defines strong as a woman who can take his ****. If that is what he means, I want no part of it. Then I must define strong as being able to walk away from him.

Weaver,

I first need to define myself, and what type of man I really want. Then I need to reject all others and wait. I am afraid of the craftiness of men these days in disguiseing themselves.

Hi Liny,

I try and make requests that he respect me by not talking to OW behind my back but it gets met with, you are insecure. So because I ask for respect, he see that as me having a character defect. He says he wants me to be strong. What does he mean by that? Maybe he defines strong as a woman who can take his ****. If that is what he means, I want no part of it. Then I must define strong as being able to walk away from him.

Weaver,

I first need to define myself, and what type of man I really want. Then I need to reject all others and wait. I am afraid of the craftiness of men these days in disguiseing themselves.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Genia:
I try and make requests that he respect me by not talking to OW behind my back but it gets met with, you are insecure. So because I ask for respect, he see that as me having a character defect. He says he wants me to be strong. What does he mean by that. Maybe defines strong as a woman who can take his ****. If that is what he means, I want no part of it. Then I must define strong as being able to walk away from him...I am afraid of the craftiness of men these days in disguiseing themselves.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My goodness! I thought women perfected head games! (No disrespect, ladies!) Your WH has taken it to the next level that I've never seen.

Don't "ask"; *DEMAND* it: words and more importantly, actions, Genia. (I know: easier said than done.) You're right, but I'm concerned he's not the type that after you've shown him the stong woman you can be, he won't be happy with that either.

Ask him about the "strong" comment. Normally, we would add "and say something like, 'I want to be the best woman I can be for this marriage'" but in your sit, he'll probably twist that too.

You're in a tough situation. I'm sorry I can't add any more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi Genia....yep WH told me also he wanted a threesome.

I have a really really old post about it.

It was so hurtful, but you know what

Isnt that what we can expect from an cheating spouse anyway. Well thats in my case anyway. I know most spouses wouldnt think such a thing after painfully hurting their W's with an A.

Just sickening.

I know how you feel

take care

A/C0810

Hi Liny,

I thought in MB we are not to make demands. I went to counseling, and counselor suggested that I leave the house when husband shows disrespect. If I do that, I would probably never be home.

A,

I feel for you. My husband asked me again for a threesome. He says he never experienced one. He then asked me about my past, like he was trying to make me feel dirty. The last two times he had relations with me he did not feel like doing the work. I had to do the work. I just feel he has an utter disrespect for me and I don't know if it will go away. Him bringing up the threesome makes me look at my bed with pain. Where I had tried to forget the fact that OW called me and told me she did my husband in my bed. Now him bringing up a desire for a threesome brings these memories back with pain. I do not know why he is tortureing me like this.

Dear Genia,

I guess it's a way to get rid of guilt by making you an accomplice.

Like when a man is not drinking because he realises it's not ok to drive while drunk and because it's not fun for the W to have him come home late & too drunk to be company.
When he sits with his buddies in the bar and orders water (for example), you can easily imagine what they'll say:
"Oh come on... just one won't hurt.."
"What are you, a man or a cow? Cows drink water! Real men drink beer!"
Instead of complimenting him on his strenght of character, they'll try to make him "one of them" so they won't feel so weak. Of course they'll deny this when asked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

<small>[ August 27, 2004, 09:27 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>