Word of advice to BS. If your WS calls and you have been drinking, don't answer the phone.

I had just left the bar last night, had few beers and was just hanging out with a couple of buddies, when my WW called. The conversation started fine until she pushed one of my buttons. I didn't raise my voice at her or argue with her but instead of the normal letting the comments go. I started getting defensive, pushy and a little beligerent (Damn that demon alcohol). I pushed a few of her buttons in return and things went down hill fast and I couldn't seem to recover. She said so many mean and hurtful things to me that couldn't stop defending myself. I was tried to stay calm and didn't raise my voice but I couldn't stop my damn mouth from talking. I couldn't stop digging that hole. Finally she got off the phone saying that we would talk in a few days.

I talked to my best friend after that and he set me straight. He said I know how you get when you have a few beers in you and even though you weren't yelling or arguing you were pushing all of her buttons and moving yourself backward from all of the progress you made. He told me to suck it up and call her back and apologize even though you didn't do anything wrong. Tell her you understand and respect her feelings even if you don't and that you were sorry and you let your emotions get away from you. I called her back and did just that and she was very receptive to my apology. She was actually without apologizing reteacting some of her words and stances.

Bottom line? The 3 keys to sucessful conversation. Mirroring, validation and empathy. Women need to feel like you hear what they are saying and that you understand no matter how hard it is or how far away you are from their point of view. Would you rather be right or be happy? Also, don't talk to WS if you have been drinking. You can undo a bunch of hard work in a heartbeat.

Parkem1-
Thanks for your story. It hit home with me and it good advice for everyone in every situation. Best wishes for happy resolution. panne

*Hangs up phone...belches...

Too late.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No this is excellent advice, and advice I sorely need to take for future reference. I'm in PLAN B now so it doesn't really apply. We will only talk about finances & kids and very business to business convos.

Good advice Parkem and well said!

Hmmm, am I now going against my own advice about mixing alcohol and WS? I just talked to my WW wife and asked if she wanted to meet me for a beer later this evening. She sounded receptive and said she would think about it and call me later.