Mr. shelly came over last nite for what was supposed to be just SF. i am comfortable with this, so i said okay. i didnt question him and was nice. he was quiet after i asked him to lay down. he said why? i said im tired. he said i have to go because of this that and the other. i took that well i said pleasantly well either leave or lay down because i gotta go to work in the morning. he kinda blinked and started talking about what he's gotta do the next day, about his dog, and all kinds of other things.(He's so into his withdrawal from OW right now he makes me sick!) then he went to go lay down with me and went to sleep holding me.he slept pretty good, but i couldnt sleep at all.he left at 11:00 am and said im outta here bye.i dont know how i feel. it doesnt feel the same anymore with him here. is how i feel normal? am i falling out of love with him, or are anti d's finally starting to work?

Hi Shelly,

Sounds like your H is in withdrawal... I think you were very gracious for allowing your H to come over... as long as your H is in NC with the OW...

If he's still seeing the OW, then by providing, or being willing to provide SF, then you are just letting him have his cake...

Have you found a MC yet?

Semper Fi,
RIF 90

how can i start mc when i dont know what the hell is going on with us? we talked today. i said babe, what are we doing? he says i dont know.i said i want to know should i go on with my life? he said is that what you want? i said no.i said is there any hope for us? he said theres always going to be hope for us because im always going to love you .i tried to explain to him what i've learned on this site, he was such a textbook case for an affair, and now he's in withdrawal since OW ended it, that i took some of the blame for not being there for him when he needed me, about his feeling things were not right between us, and how she makes him feel.he listened to me and didnt say anything.i told him i felt that we could recover as long as he gave up OW and devoted himself to his d and i.he said he couldnt think straight right now and to give him a week to clear his head, then we would sit down and talk.i told him i was going out friday nite with a friend and he could stop by and join us if he wanted. he said okay, well your a grown woman and you know what not to do. well what do you guys think? i know my h, if he says he wants to live the single life or that things arent going to work between us, im going straight to plan b.it will be my only hope, because plan a never really worked for me, he just became cakeman.i think that will pull him off the fence

Hi Shelly,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> how can i start mc when i dont know what the hell is going on with us? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is why it's so important for both of you to start MC... A good pro-marriage MC will help guide you both on where you need to go to start rebuilding your M.

Both of you have thoughts, feelings, and fears that are all new to you. Unless you have a trained MC to guide you, you will both spend an awful lot of time just spinning your wheels.

I will say that your situation does seem very hopeful... Regardless of what your H decides, it will help YOU to start MC...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

i know one thing. he will never agree with counseling because he doesnt believe in it.as for myself, this site has helped me tremendously, i dont know what i would do without it,i'd probably be in jail for running him down.i just have so many fears. what am i going to do without him? i dont want to find someone else,i only want him. he doesnt seem to want me to move on either.whats that about?

Sweetie - You are in a very good position. Keep Plan A'ing him. It sounds like he is in withdrawal, and does not want to lose you. Keep working on yourself, and moving on with your life. Invite him to join you from time to time.

Hey Shelly !
I'll tell you what it's about...the story sounds OH so familiar to me. My FWH said just about the same exact things YOUR H said ! Almost verbatum.
I was going along with it...blah blah blah.

Something happened at work...I can't remember exactly what it was..but it was enough for me to decide to walk away from everything. Upon telling my FWH who was "not knowing anything"...taking a week to "clear his head".... admitted he wanted to come home, that he wanted to make the M work, that he didn't want to lose me.

I DON'T think it's Plan B yet for you...give it another week of Plan A if you can stand it.

Your story is just too much like mine.... it's like deja vu.

Hang tight...you are doing a STELLAR plan A. Your meeting his EN, no pressure, your open for conversation, you're not pressuring him. So don't think Plan A isn't working for you !

Hang on .... changes are coming!!

i had a setback today, i spoke with OW. i asked her was she still seeing my h and what has he been telling her. she said she hasnt spoke with him since she broke it off with him, that he kept calling her up telling her that he loved her(barf!) and that we had filed for divorce.(big lie.) i told her he was full of ****.she also told me that he brought her around mutual friends. now that pisses me off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> how dare he humiliate me in front of people that we know? she seems like a genuinely nice person with morals in that she told him marriage is a vow between 2 people and you dont just break that, you dont love me you love your wife. i cant handle this one, what is wrong with this stupid man?he's acting braindamaged.im so angry right now, but im not going to talk to him, im going shopping.

Shelly - When they are addicted, they do act like they have brain damage. My WH introduced OW to people at work, neighbors, friends, and even family. Sick - and they think it is normal. Yikes!