Hi Folks,

Let me first thank all of you that posted to me on my earlier threads.

Well,things have been very tough at home with WH living here.However,he has received some hopeful news about a new job which may come very soon.What saddens me,even though I should be glad is that it will most likely be far away,maybe even up in the horrible place homewrecker lives.In any event,it will be hard on my girls and it's so unfair.

Also,as expected,my In-Laws have come to the rescue financially so we will not lose the home.A big relief for me there.

I may or may not change my name here too.I have been told by my WH that he is reading here and I know it's not for the right reasons.I do not know if he knows my name here and he may after this post,if he can put two and two together.He says he isn't a member but just reads.Hmmm.

Emotionally,I am a wreck but trying to hold on for my girls.My WH says he loves me,wants to protect and care for me but that I should divorce him because he is a lousy husband and then we will see what happens.Nice huh? He isn't sure what is going to happen but he is willing to throw it all away on the homewrecker to see if it floats.Everyone is telling me to "move on" but I am sick to death of hearing those terms.It's so easy for everyone else to be done but I am still struggling with it all and will be for some time.

Anyway,I feel the need to be here again with all of you,those who know exactly what I am going through even though I am no longer as safe if WH is here too.I will not let him force me away though,this is my place for healing.

Not much else to say for now.Just wanted to let those who know me that I am still around,not out for the count.Prayers to you all.

O

P.S. ARK^^.... I absolutely LOVED your response to mllc and rrh(the "affairees") who posted here.It was very eloquent, the way in which you put the feelings of a BS right out there.I told WH to read it.

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 06:34 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Hi ~~~(waving)~~~

Pep

~w~a~v~i~n~g~ back to you pep,oh wise and faithful one.Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

10Girl,

So sad to here the quality and tone of your note. I wish I could say something magical that could pay you back for all the help you have given me.

Your H sounds like he is at least seeing things more clearly by acknowledging that he has been a terrible H to you. I would see that as a positive sign and would be cautiously optimistic. Admitting the error of their ways is a step a lot of us never hear from our WS's.

On a selfish basis I am glad you are back because I value your judgement,integrity and honesty.

We are all here for you and you are definitely in my prayers!!

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 07:27 PM: Message edited by: Cymanca ]</small>

Octobergirl,

I feel the same about you that Cymanca does.

I too have been thinking alot about you, as I know have quite a few others on this board.

Hang tight O. (I know you are)

Weaver

Thank you Cy and weaver.

Although my WH has admitted to doing this selfish and horrible thing,he doesn't stop what he is doing which makes it all the more difficult for me to handle.He is actively doing something that he KNOWS is hurting other's,especially his children.

One of which,I had to spend an hour consoling because he is away again.She is having a terrible time with all this.My girls had such a loving and stable environment for all of their lives up until last year and all that has changed.It is hitting them hard and they are so scared and unsettled.I can only imagine what it is like to have such loving parents caring for them and loving parents who openly loved each other now stand before them telling them that they are getting a divorce.Such sadness and they don't deserve one bit of it.

They are already compensating too which I see clearly.My youngest is the model child,trying not to disappoint or anger her father so he won't leave her like he is leaving me/the family.My oldest is starting to avoid and pull away from WH and is easily angered when confronted with the slightest request.She is processing it all and has formed opinions of her father too.She knows all too well now what it means to hurt another that you love and disapproves of my WH although he doesn't hear her inner most feelings about it.And so on.Poor dear hearts.

Well,thanks for listening and caring.

O

I was wondering how you were doing, O. I've been over on D/D, and busy with the kids. I remember your posts about him wanting to move back in, but are you serious about him still continuing the A? Ogirl, how does this make anything better? I am very concerned about this effecting you and the girls. I have lived with the A under my nose (and my face rubbed in it) and it so totally sucks!

Fogman got a job in Maine, as you know, and then OW went, too. There is no way I am following them back into the mess. It has killed my love for him. I would think long and hard before uprooting for him. You are right about the effect on your kids. It IS unfair.

He's spewing D talk to put YOU on the fence with him. You know it's just fogbabble. He is still in the A, therefore, he is not rational, period. You need to be the rational one for you and your precious girls.

As for him reading here, at least he shows some interest. Has he also read the MB principles?? Have you shown him the Emotional Needs stuff, etc.? I mean, that might be a start. I can understand being uncomfortable with him reading your posts, but then again, he should hear what you are feeling. Kinda like exposure again and again for him?

tenth month /female child,

Thanks for the update. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Always worry & wonder when someone is  facing a tough time or situation, and then just disappears for a while.

Glad for the report, yet saddened by your predicament.

From where you have found your self (both mentally and emotionally) in the past months....you still must be IN SHOCK at this turn of events.
(sitting here shaking my head)

YOUR basically in the One Place you most didn't want to be  in. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Heart felt sympathy goes out to your children as well. (The innocent always suffer the most)

Although I will state that we are All relieved that you will STILL have a roof over your heads. Thank goodness for "small" things, Huh?

Truly wish that I had some Sage advice for you, but alas my "fortune cookie" is empty at the moment.

However, you are in my thoughts (as you continue to deal with a WH, who comes home....but won't commit or end things). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I understand Why YOU are angry......I get worked up just reading about it.

As you always DO.....keep doing your best.

Would Like to know your Plan to deal with this "situation".
Or haven't you gotten that far yet?

Now that I think about it, never mind.
I forgot that your Hubby is reading here.
Perhaps I'll send out some "Light" reading written Just For Him.

Should you feel the need to give up this name....farewell

Take care

WAID,

Thank you for your post.To clarify,I am NOT moving anywhere for WH again.That is a given and he knows it.I have my beautiful home and I am done following WH around.Wherever he goes now is anyone's guess but I am staying put.What is difficult is that he is still living here until he gets a new job and then when he does,I will proceed with a D as previously planned.I cannot legally make him leave the home and he has been advised not leave either so.....I wait.And pray.And try to keep busy.

As for WH reading here at MB,well,I find it absolutely hypocritical.I don't really know why he is here.I told him that I though he might be here maybe to learn about how to behave in a new marriage.I know,a DJ and possible LB there but it was an honest and curious statement.I certainly do not believe for a second he is here to learn about how to save our marriage.I am sure that through the magnitude of what we have been through,he will not want to make the same mistake again.

So unfortunately,the homewrecker may receive those benefits even though she hardly deserves it.Their marriage,if they ever do marry(puke),will always be tainted and born out of sin and pain.As someone else here mentioned,it will never be legitimate in the honorable and moral way.Only on paper.

Top Rope,

Thank you too for your response.Though your fortune cookies may be empty for now(lol),it means a lot to me that you cared enough to wish me well.My WH is incapable of learning anything meaningful regarding marriage right now.He has some growing up to do and he needs to venture on with this homewrecker to see if it works out.That is his mission despite almost a year of evidence,information and discussion to the contrary.He will do what he wants to do and no one or thing can change his mind right now.I am letting him go,as much as it hurts.

I continue to try and be as strong and resourceful as I can with my children watching my every move.Until WH is moved out for good,it's the best thing I can do for my girls even though the tension is high.So I keep myself and my girls as busy as we can be and I feel blessed that my home is saved.All I care about now is that my WH get back into one of his high paying jobs so that threat no longer exists.

~Take care all~

O

OG, I always felt a certain kindred spirit with you as we share nearly the same D-Day. And, I have followed your story throughout.

Anyway, my prayers and thoughts go out to you.

I know, I know, you requested my presence to BASH your WH (reread my previous posts for kicks and giggles) and I really wish I could wave my magic wand and say PRESTO and everything would be fine again...but that is not reality...reality is our screwed up planet spins around our Sun in our Solar System in our Milky Way galaxy in our dear Lord's Universe. And we are all part of it as long as we are ALIVE. You are truly blessed with God given children...you and they are still ALIVE and have a life yet to live without your WH.

You will find happiness once again, I guarantee it.

Time, Patience and Love....you will get to know these things very well in the coming weeks, months and years...and you will be tested. Stay strong, and stay the True Course and hold your head high.

I recount a certain passage from a psalm:

"It is not an enemy who taunts me, I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me. I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you--my equal, my companion and close friend.

What good fellowship we enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God.
But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me.
Morning, noon and night, I plead aloud in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.
He rescues me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, even though many till oppose me.
For my enemies refuse to change their ways; they do not fear God.

As for this friend of mine, he betrayed me; he broke his promises.
His words are as smooth as cream, but in his heart is war.
His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers.
Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."

You have a Life to Live...now go out and Live it and leave that idiot behind, okay?

Nature

Hi Nature,

It's good to hear from you and thank you for all your strength and words of encouragement.I too have watched you become so strong and confident these past months,it's truly inspiring.It sounds like you are in a good place.

I did read that last post you sent to me about pummeling my WH but I know that was in jest.As much as he hurt me I would never want any harm to come to him.

Well,I know you don't post too much but I really appreciate your time.Prayers to you too and all the wonderful things life has to offer,I hope for you.

O

O,

Sorry, I've been over on the D/D board for the most part and missed your post entirely until now.

You have been through SOOO much lately. You are a strong woman to be able to have your WH living with you in the current situation.

I am much relieved that you won't have to give up your house. Although things are still very painful for you, I'm sure this has to be a relief. When I read your story when that all transpired, I was just in shock. I didn't even know how to respond. My heart just went out to you.

I fear the house loss thing, too. I feel sometimes like I'm being materialistic and not trusting that God will give me everything I need regardless of whether I'm in this house or not, but this last year has been so heartbreaking. My house is the one thing I still have left. I'm very happy here and I really like my neighbors. To go back to some apartment with stark white walls after losing everything else is just too frightening. But I know a lot of women end up there.

Anyway, keep hanging in there. I'll try and check back in over here at GQII more often.

LL

Hi LL,

Thanks for thinking of me.It's hard to keep track of everyone these days.The turnover rate on this board has really increased since I have been here.I posted to a thread you are on over on D/D too.

Anyway,I just adore my home and I was devastated to think about losing it but it looks like I will be ok and then I can get WH our of my life for good.Let the homewrecker pick up his things and give him a place to stay,anywhere but here.

But,now I am back to having those bad revenge feelings again.I just now put my youngest D back to bed because she now sleepwalks during the middle of the night,mumbling to herself about WH and cell phones and she's still asleep,eyes closed,etc.It's scary.I just want to make life for the homewrecker very uncomfortable,then and only then,would my WH ever wake up and realize what he is doing to his children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If little miss happy homewreckers world is tossed,then I can feel good again.Ugh.I need a good reason not to start making some calls.I guess I better get to bed and put these thoughts to rest.

I hope you are doing ok too.I will try and catch up on your story tomorrow.

O