I just got back from my son's Open House for school. Normally my H would be with us. It just didn't feel right being there tonight without him. I almost had a break down right there at the school in front of his teacher. I had to walk out and get some air. She was telling me that my son needs to have his eyes checked and I just wanted to cry becasue right now I'm trying to keep food on the table and to have one more thing to worry about just about made me lose it.
My sister-in-law was there also and asked me how I was and once again I was on the verge of tears. This is just so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She said that my H just comes and goes as he pleases and doesn't really talk to any of his family.
He's shutting everybody out of his life...I just don't understand!!!
It was hard to hear my son's teacher talk about all the events planned for the school year and thinking how my H woulnd't be involved.
I just never thought I would be going through this.
God, please somebody tell me that things will get better. I'm really struggling tonihgt.

TR -

Things will get better, I promise. Just keep reaching out to people like you are doing, that is the best thing you can do right now.

Isn't your WH helping you financially? Do you need to take legal action to get financial help?

Going to the events alone is hard at first, but it does get alot easier. Especially as you start to view yourself in an autonomous way. It comes from being alone for awhile and accepting that that is okay.

It is so new to you and that is why the pain is so terribly big. Once you get used to it, you can embrace it. Like this - YES I am a single woman right now, I am beautiful (and you are), I am strong, I am happy...and screw all you people who show up at these events with your husbands, because I am a survivor. I have been there and I am still here, still beautiful. I am one cool mama, and I rock.

That attitude will come to you in time...just reach for it.

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Thank you Weaver!!!!
I know that in time I will feel that way becasue I do know that I am a strong person. It's just really hard on me right now. I haven't been alone in almost 15 years. I just never thought that I would be basically raising my son alone. I always thought his dad and I would be there together for him.
I'm trying so hard to be strong right now...I really am!!! The pain is just so deep!!!!!
I just wish I had someone here right now to hug me and tell me things will be ok.
This really sucks!!!!!

This is the time that you start praying. Start with the Lords Prayer, and maybe a few of the Psalms. The 23rd Psalms is my favorite, I know quite a few by heart.

When I was having a really hard time after my parents died, I committed to memory alot of Bible verses. It really helped keep my mind busy and it brought me great comfort. Why don't you just try it? Talk to God, he will bring you great comfort.

I hope that you get those A/D's soon also. I know you have a doctors appt next week. Don't blow it off. Borrow the money if you have to, but you need those to stablize your emotions.

TreeReich,

You do have someone to hug, your son. Could you be in any better, stronger, or empowering arms than his??? I know it is cliche to tell you that your child will get you through this, but he will.

Your picture shows me a confident, beautiful woman. Don't let this horses [censored] tarnish the gleaming gold I see in that smile!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{TreeReich}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Not much, but you can and will survive. You have to go on living. Reading distracts me, I have been working from home.

OT: Tell me about your name. Most are descriptions of feelings, but I do not get yours. I fell over laughing when I heard Spider Slayers story.

OT2: I'm AOL IM if it might help.... Not sure for how long though, my current story is about to be posted.

Tree,

I'm sorry you are having to go through these feelings. I know exactly what you mean.
It's all those little things that I guess used to be trivial, everyday chores and motions that become so hard to get through while dealing with a separation..
I'm sorry I don't have much as far as advice for you, as I'm right in it myself. I just try to occupy my time doing anything that will take my mind off depressing thoughts. Even 5 minutes of relief helps.
I myself try to take solice in that everyone else who has been through this, has told me that it will get better, much better.
Like you, I am waiting for that time.

Thanks for all the encouraging words. You are right...my son will get me through this. I do hug him A LOT...poor little guy he thinks I'm going to squeeze him to death. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He comes up and hugs me out of the blue and tells me that he loves me and yes that does make my day. He is my heart and I will be strong for him. It's hard sometimes but he is what keeps me going. I love that child!!!!!

I really am a strong person. I am confident about who I am and what I want. I do love myself and think I deserve someone who will treat me with the utmost respect for who I am!!!!! I know when this is all over with I will be stronger....it's just getting there that is so tough.

Ok...about my name....my whole life my family has called me Tree. Reich..are the first 5 letters of my last name. Wish it were more interesting!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{{{TTSI}}}}}}
I just read your story. I wish none of us had to be here. It just seems so unfair!!!!!

Had to laugh a little at you hugging your kid so hard. I know that feeling. When I found out about my WW last May .... all day long I could hear my daughters voice saying, "Bye Daddy, I love you." Which is what she says everyday when I go to work. Of course now the "Bye Daddy" is so frightening to hear.

Went to the first school meeting tonight by myself. Never did like going to those things alone. Always enjoyed having my WW with me, sort of supported me. Sounds funny, it was just a school parent meeting.

I can tell from reading your posts that you are having a real hard time. I also know that feeling. Everyone is correct that it will get better. Not necessarily your situation, but what will get better is your ability to cope with it. I hope it comes soon for you.
The out of control reeling feelings are really hard on a person.

I have my hearing on Tuesday. WW wants me to vacate my house. She wants me to be a "visitor" to my kids. She wants me to continue to pay all the bills and extra's. Don't know how I can do that and maintain a second household. It'll be hard to pay two power, phone, water, etc bills. Hell I guess I'll need a bed too. For some reason I don't think she is worried about where I sleep or how I live. She'll have the house to herself and plenty of time for OM.

Sorry for venting on your thread.

Thinking of you TR... keep your chin up.

TJ

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

I would have to agree with Tom. You will adapt to the situation.

You are not an animal, you have higher brain functions that can and will adapt to the change in your life.

Your brain is wired to live.

When I went to the Doc today for my AD, I explained my sit to the nurse and she actually put her hand on my arm and said something comforting. I forget exactly, but it helped. Then she told me she was going through the same thing. They are getting ugly with each other, it has been almost a year and she is starting to feel good again. She told me that it will pass. What a wacky world we live in.

Remeber, you will get past this and it will make you a better person.

Sorry if I thread jacked or got alittle martian on you, but the cold science of my brain helps me on occasion.

((((((((((((((((((((TR))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Tell me how you're doing in your Plan B ?
Any contact ?

The answer I'm looking for here is NO CONTACT.

I know Plan B is very difficult...but it's effective.

Think about this for a minute....do you really want your H...the man he is RIGHT NOW...back ?

OR....do you want YOUR H back...the guy with a brain in his head, respect for his W, and the guy who puts his back against the wall for his family?

Just something to help you understand why you're doing this.

Tom Joad....I feel for you that you have to leave your own home and kids becasue of something your WW did. It's not fair!!! I will be saying a prayer for you. It's all just so hard. I know in time I will be on here helping others to get through the dark days that I'm in right now.
{{{{hugs to you}}}}}}

canthishelp...thanks for the support! I appreciate everyones advice. It helps me get through the day. I think I'm going to call tomorrow to see if I can get into the doc any earlier than next week.

TR,
Your right, feel really stupid being forced out of my own home. WW is SAHM. I worked three jobs so she could stay home, now she says its her home not mine.

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 09:38 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

I had to see his nurse praction-er (sp?)

She could write the scip, and listened with compassion.

I am having a hard time keeping my hands inside this 'E' ticket roller coaster. I hope this breaks the edge.

Thanks Tom JOad....I will email you!

Betrayed....I've had NO contact with WH. I'm doing good with that. I actually don't want to see him. The only problem is that he will be coaching my son's team and I will have to see him...but I don't have to talk to him. I'm going there to cheer on my son. He is my heart and nothing could keep me from being there for him.

canthishelp.....I can't wait to get some Anti-D's. I really need to take the edge off. I'm hoping that it will help me deal with life.

TR-

Can your S play ball somewhere else?

Be careful with Anti-D's. You have more strength in yourself than you know.

Dear TR, you are taking a beating over this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I have learned in the horrible month that you and I have been enduring this raging sh1tstorm that the better and more worthy the BS, the harder betrayal hits them.

A-Ds helped me for a while I am sure, but then ANGER and INDIGNANCE at the INJUSTICE of the situation took over.

I channel all those strong emotions into executing the stuff that empowers me and may help stop the injustice.

I will WIN here, either by winning back my WWs love, or by emerging a better man from this.

You will win also. Why ? Because you are a beautiful, caring person with a burden to love your son. That is a blessing.

Just understand that you have a RIGHT to be happy and that you do not need to give permission to WH or the situation you find yourself in to contol your state of mind.

TR I wish I was near you, we could help strengthen each other ( and hire a hitman together! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

But y'know, we are both near to all these wonderful people on here. DO you think it was an ACCIDENT that we found this community ?

May Almighty God grant you resilience, happiness and peace. Amen

{{{{tr}}}}