Anyone ever make two lists?

One that is why you should stay with your WS and one that is why you should leave?

I am really debating weather or not to keep trying with my WW. I wonder if two lists like that would help me.

Have they ever helped anyone else?

I have to get some work done now, so I will be back later.

Hey canthishelp,

I will make my 2 lists tonight and post them here.
I know it's really confusing. Yesterday I had dinner with WW in a restaurant. We both enjoyed it (she invited me to join her). She even mentioned us buying a boat together. Adds to the confusion if she mentions things that have to do with our future TOGETHER...

A lot of people have told me that maybe it's better to end this marriage. They obviously notice how much pain this is causing me. So yes, I've thought about the pro's and cons, but I've never written them down. Good idea.

As I said: I'll post my 2 lists.
You just keep hoping and praying. Keep your spirit up, stand in front of the mirror every morning and give yourself some pep-talk. Words do have a lot of power, even those that come out of your own mouth into your own ears.

Are you sauying that the simple fact you are married is not enough to try and work it out?

Chris: My marriage is no simple fact. As I understand it, marriage is a union of two people.

If one person has left and has shown no signs or desire to work on keeping the marriage, what do I have?

As far as I can see, I have nothing but a liar and a cheater in my life that I am exposing my heart too. She continues to tell me she doesn't want to hurt me, but does so anyways.

The fact that she is the mother of my kids and that I love her do not matter to her, why should they to me?

So much for getting some work done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

canthelpthis, if you're really going to do this, consider getting the book, Too Bad to Stay, Too Good to Leave (might be Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay). It deals with this very thing and even advises you to make the list. BUT MAKE SURE YOU READ THE WHOLE BOOK.

But the one thing that the book talks about only minimally, is that if you and your spouse loved each other enough to get married, then it is possible to restore that love. The book does not discuss restoring love, and this is very important!!! It does not discuss the addiction of an affair and how it can influence you and your spouse's emotions.

And if you make the list without reading the book, make sure you list things that have nothing to do with the love for your spouse. Consider as a reason to stay (may or may not be true for you):

"I am X age, fairly attractive, but not outgoing. It might be difficult for me to meet people to form a new relationship."

"My friend X said that they would support me and go out with me to experience new things. Is this realistic? Will Friend really be there for me as much as I need them?"

Anyway, be honest with yourself.

My husband did all this list from the book and turns out things were "too good to leave.". But ya know what? We're still separated. We interpreted it instead to say that "things were good enough to work on the marriage"..and ya know what? Not a lot of work on his part going on. So in the end..how much is the list really going to help you?

bah, double.

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: maddyk ]</small>