Spouse in military, navy. Go to a function on board both people officers. Standing with spouse as she walks by once and looks spouse up and down. She walks by again and tells spouse "smile spouse's name". Can't tell spouses reaction has glasses on. Something doesn't feel right in my gut. What would be your reactions.

Gee mrsw...don't waste any time with details, do you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Honestly..I'd watch closely. That is the sort of scenario that could go either way..but the feeling in your gut is a red flag. Is there something besides this that has you in a state of elevated alertness? Want to maybe flesh this out a bit?

BTW..no such thing as innocent fun where adultery is concerned.

--Noodle

Thanks for your reply Noodle and for the laugh.

I have had suspicions in the past of two other women but no concrete proof just different behavior. We have discussed the past he says he now understands my feelings and views and says he won't repeat. I've met this girl before and never had anything hit me before. I just don't want to be to sensitive to things.

Sooooo..

Has he had an EA or PA in the past? I'm a little unclear on what he now understands and what he will not repeat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well.....

He bought birthday and Christmas gifts for another female(never had before). Spent time with her going for long drives and at her apartment. Broke promise to me to not go over to her apartment. Put her feelings ahead of mine. Bought me the same color vest as her but didnt' know she had one. She gave him hugs but he didnt' hug her, he can't remember if he kissed her. All while stationed overseas. Sooo........

He states he will not do these things again. Won't spend time with other female in certain situations. Deny's any type of relationship. Says he understands now how I felt as we talked about relationship boundaries. He felt hugs are ok with opposite sex but now doesn't want that as a ok boundary between us as I have male friends. So now that I have male friends he says he sees where I was coming from and understands everything.

Does this make any sense?

OK..so yes he had an EA at least and probably a PA.

mrsw...have you ever kissed anyone and not been able to remember? That means yes, he has but no, he doesn't want to tell you.

So the two of you are dealing with a fairly serious situation, and I would treat it as such. Do not worry about being too sensitive, your radar is flying high for a good reason.

If you are picking up vibes from someone new..it is likely because you are recognizing, even if only at a subconscious level, signs and body language, and tone of voice that suggests intimacy.

I'd look into this and also recommend that you do some reading..there are several excellent books on this site and I'm certain that other posters will have suggestions as well.

Also, please do *bump* your post to get responses..people do it all the time, it isn't rude.

Best of luck--Noodle

We are possibly going to be at a function together. Any suggestions on what to do or to look for?

Please any help

Well went to function. At one point got up to go get something turned around and other person was sitting next to my spouse. Hubby had turned his body to face her as he talked. He had this huge smile on his face as did she. My stomach just flip flopped and felt awful. I made sure hubby could see me laugh and have a good time with a couple people. At one point hubby looked at me and winked.UGH At one point he got up and came over to stand next to me. He knows the feeling I got the other time. What do I do now. I can't go through this again.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

mrsw..

I haven't replied because I don't know what to tell you. Based purely on what you post...I get a sense that your H is a liar and a serial cheater as well..but I don't want to assert any such thing, because of a pesky lack of details...

Perhaps if you post more info some of the more experienced members could help you? I'll try to bump you if you are getting knocked around too badly..but truly, you aren't giving much to go on.

Thanks Noodle
What other info can I give to help. I planned A'd him the first time while he was overseas and planned B for awhile just giving him info of the kids via email. He never admitted to anything says absolutely nothing happened. I don't have any proof and can't get any. I just know I can't go through having the suspicious behavior again and no proof. Last time he would say I was psycho. I just dont' know anymore.

Mrs. W, at the very least you are probably tuned in to a woman who does not have good intentions. Also, if your H had an A and never fessed up to it, that ain't good either. How long did he at least admit to being "friends" with the OW before? Steve Harley told my H that he has to have an understanding of why he had an A. Steve says As occur because of a failure to protect your weaknesses. Now I don't think that applies to a serial cheater, not that your H is one. So in order to never have this happen again, the FWS needs to understand what did happen and protect the M. Hope some of the old timers here will help you more. CV

I planned A'd him the first time
You have done Plan A more than once? Why did you stop Plan A and what did you do between them?

planned B for awhile just giving him info of the kids via email.
Did you send him a Plan B letter?
You "Plan B'd for a while"? Did he end the affair and that is why you stopped Plan B?
Sending him info on the kids is not part of Plan B. Plan B is no contact.

mrsw, I can tell you that in the police department they tell you "follow your gut". Don't think anyone on this site would disagree. But even more importantly these actions are telling. The crytic communication sends up a huge flag; at least in my book. I remember being out with my WW and OM and his GF. As we were getting into our cars to go home she hesitated and walk back over to him to exchange a few words. I have seen this a few times and it was obviously the signal I had initially mixed. Sometimes it takes a neutral party to see what you have somehow missed. No such thing as being too paranoid at this stage anyway.

How long did he at least admit to being "friends" with the OW before? He says they were just friends the whole time he was over seas about two years.

You have done Plan A more than once?
No I did it when he started spending so much time with the one before this. After he broke a promise to me I realized that he wasn't going to hear anything I had to say.

Why did you stop Plan A and what did you do between them?
I havent' stopped plan A it was a set of changes I made in my life. He needed recreational fun, me to put him before the kids and other changes I made within myself at that time which I have continued to do.

Did you send him a Plan B letter? No I didn't. I told him in person that if the behaviors didn't change with her than there would be no family to come back too. He continued to tell me there was absolutely nothing there. He didn't want to stop spending time with her cause he didn't want to hurt her. He however says he did stop spending time with her. I have no way to verify other than his word. They are no longer in the same part of the states.


Sending him info on the kids is not part of Plan B. Plan B is no contact.
I should have said a revised Plan B. With him being so far away I felt he still needed some contact with home. As a Christian wife I still felt he needed my support for the job he did. I gave him basics of the kids life and encouragement in his job. I did not give him stuff that was happening to me personally or emotionally. This seemed to have an affect on him.

You "Plan B'd for a while"? Did he end the affair and that is why you stopped Plan B?
He transferred back home. Says there was absolutely nothing happening. Just mentor and friends. Says if he had done things differently. Said he would not ever repeat the behaviors( He bought birthday and Christmas gifts for another female(never had before). Spent time with her going for long drives and at her apartment. Broke promise to me to not go over to her apartment. Put her feelings ahead of mine. Bought me the same color vest as her but didnt' know she had one. She gave him hugs but he didnt' hug her, he can't remember if he kissed her. )

I used to be a firm believer in believing my gut it has rarely been wrong. I just dont' know what to do without solid proof.

Any suggestions would be great.

mrsw, your H sounds like a philanderer. But it's like deciphering a secret code reading your posts. Take the time and space you need to tell your story. We'll read it.

I guess I get the gist of it though. It's true, everybody remembers a kiss. You might need to become a secret agent to figure out if anything is going on now.

GC