Hi everyone

Things he said during our recovery

Me: Do you miss her?
WH: No, Hun its over with her

Me: If you ever cheat on me again, I dont think
I would be able to get through it.
WH: I'm happy, I have to reason to cheat again.

Me: Are you happily married, is there anything
we should discuss or work on.
WH: Yes, I'm happy, everything is fine Hun

Me: Do you ever hear from her through email.
WH: Hardly ever, and then I tell you.
(my red flag should have went up, but didnt)

Me: I get insecure that you might leave again.
WH: No, Dont worry Hun, I'm not going anywhere.
(this was said, with a love pat on my behind)

Me: If she called and said she was leaving her
H because she wanted you, would you run
right back to her.
WH: No, of course not


OK, i need to know this from him now.

Did you mean these things at the time or were they just said to me to make me happy?

If that was the case, how cruel and dishonest to fill my head and heart with empty promises.

I know i am in Plan B, i wont send this, but someday maybe further down the line, I may.

thanks for listening to my ramblings everyone
A/C0810

Hi ((((((((((((A/C))))))))))))))))
Your convo's are the one's played out here often, (nearly 2 years in). From prev experience at the time being said actually did believe those things.
Ouch.

Be strong those questions are sincerely felt I know, but at this time, the response is not worth hearing, reading or seeing - remember he has forgotten how to speak honestly right now, and even if he did remove his head from its current abode (where the sun never shines), he'd come out blinded to you by your dazzling brilliantness and a bit dim and bunged up from the s**t that he chooses to look at now. Yuck.

To your self be good, indulge in what you know you enjoy.

Strenght & hope & chocolate preserve us.

Ktulu

A/C,
You could ask if he was being honest or prevaricating, but...why?

You already know he seemed sincere, do you really want him to tell you he was blowing smoke?

At this point I think your husband gave into his weaknesses when the OW came back into his life. He may never really fixed what was wrong with him from the first time. He certainly didn't guard his vulnerabilities.

Let me ask you this, do you regret these 2 years with him?

When I ask myself if I would regret these years if something went to heck now (and it could, with H in Afghanistan and deployment adding to the infidelity numbers every day) I would not regret these years of effort. The extra years of having my family all together and having my H with me make it worthwhile to me.

I did the right thing, and so, I believe, did you.

Just like when you went into recovery at some point you had to let go of the infidelity and the bad things he said.

The past can't be changed.

Neither can the nice things your H said. He said them. Coupled with his current behavior, the words and his intention are meaningless now...let it go and try not to regret what seemed like good times.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{A/C}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I gotta tell you - I am following your posts like a hawk!

I am divorced - I have no reason to even listen to my Ex WH - but he has been showing up a lot lately, helping around the house, talking about "getting back together" and I keep saying "no thanks - I do not believe you are truly healed"
That first time you posted, after your WH moved out - I read your post and got that feeling in the pit of my stomach.
At times I find myself wondering if I should give my EX a 2nd chance. After all - the boys miss their Dad, and he seems remorseful, and he says he "hates OW". Their R ended badly - she took out a restraining order against him, it cost him $2500.00 to fight the RO in court. He says he was an idiot to ever leave - should not have fallen for her BS - etc. BUT the thing I hear from him is that he is "sorry that he listened to all her lies when she said that she would make him happy forever". He is not sorry that he destroyed his family - he is sorry that he went away with her.
So I read your posts now, and think to myself "that could be me". I want to thank you for sharing your heartache here. It is coming to me at a time when I really need to hear it.

By the way - my gut feeling for your situation is that he will want to come backa gain. I have a feeling he truly meant all those things when he said them to you. I don't know why he left again - none of us will be able to figure it out. it SUCKS big time. But somethingwas broken in him - and it still is. I wonder if he never truly reached rock bottom that last time, and so he needs to go be with her now - to truly reach the bottom of that pit of hell.

I will definately pray for you. I have a feeling that you are saving me from making a huge mistake with my own Ex.
hang in there.

hi womanoffaith.....im glad my story helped you come to your decision, but dont base your ex on my WH stupid behavior.

Let me tell you a story. My girlfriend has been separted from her H for 17 yrs now. They were married 4 yrs and he had an A.

The A lasted 2 yrs, and of course he came back waging his tail between his legs.

They have been friends for a very long time now, but to this day he still talks to her about wanting to rebuild their live and how he made such a terrible mistake. 17 yrs and he is still trying to get back together.

I have a different outlook on it, i beleive she should give it a try. She feels if he would have come back the first year, she would have. She says she does not love him anymore, there is no point.

During her separted time, she has gone through many men, the relationships never lasting, nothing but heartbreak she has had.

The relationship right now she has is very rocky, and from what she has told me, it will not last much longer.

Anyway from what i gather you beleive your ex might turn around and do it again, then i would protect your feelings.

Yes, WH still hasnt hit rock bottom. I will see what happens when he does. I am not giving up hope. Its only been 4 wks today he has been gone.

thank you for your reply and reading my posts
(Gee i cant beleive i really helped somebody)

Take Care
A/C0810