Today I got a phone call from my Mom who told me that two of my ex-boyfriends are about to become father's again. We live in a very small town and I have dated three guys in my past (high school days) and we are are still good friends including our families. I am, in fact, good friends with their wives who frequently invite me to dinner/shopping trips when I travel back home once a year (4000 miles away). When I heard the good news, I almost started crying. I'm very happy for these guys and their wives and families and I'm ashamed that I feel jealousy. I could have had this life... But I didn't want it... I never cheated on any of my boyfriends, but I was often the one who broke off the relationship. See, back then I was the "wild child". I wanted to see the world, experience things and I had this appetite for adventure. When I met my husband, I fell in love head over heels. He was so different from any of the guys that I had dated before and we were crazy about each other. We've been married for 14 years, but it's been a wild and exhausting ride. It's been tough and sometimes I can't wonder, but think that maybe I deserve all this. I could have had it different, but it wasn't good enough back then. Now I would give the world to have a baby and a normal and stable life.

Kati