</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> AtlantaGirl
Junior Member
Member # 36977
posted August 26, 2004 08:52 PM
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We came away from our 2nd session of MC not talking to each other...he is mad b/c I told him that I can't support a man who cheats and spends money on other women. He is a highly paid exec and when everything is going good...that is when the A starts. He was laid off after I found out about the 1st A 2 yrs ago and wondered why I didn't support him...HELLO!!! Am I wrong in not being sympathetic?? He is still talking about that...we are in MC b/c of the 2nd affair that recently took place. It is like he wants me to just forgive and move on. I think that any man who takes money out of his household to spend on other women is selfish and should be punished!! I just don't know what to do or think. He has the nerve to not be talking to me...i am like WHATEVER at this point b/c I have not done anything to deserve bringing another woman into our bed, spending up our money, and all the lies. Any thoughts??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H and I have never been to any sort of counseling so I couldn't tell you that MC is the way to go.
I called several and before our initial appts we would have phone conversations with the counselor and as it turns out....we didn't think that any of them could help us anymore than we could help ourselves.
Although I am a BS I can see (in a way) why your H could become angry over this situation.
He sees this as you punishing him for what he's done. You said it yourself.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think that any man who takes money out of his household to spend on other women is selfish and should be punished!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The problem with that is that 2 wrongs don't make a right.
If you want your marriage to work.....you will have to be supportive in EVERY aspect other than his having an A. If you are not supportive then you are NOT creating a safe and comfortable environment for your H or yourself.
It could create a cycle that will go round and round until one of you decides to end it....usually in divorce. He cheats....you punish him....in turn....he feels rejected and cheats again.
If you REALLY wanted your marriage then you wouldn't feel the need for punishment. It shouldn't even be an option. You would be more focused on what you could do to support him in every way to make it a comfortable enviroment for him.
Yes....you may feel like a doormat for a while....but that is part of it.
How long do you think your H will stick around if he feels like he is being punished all the time?
As for him thinking that you should just forget it and move on.....well....that's what needs to happen eventually. The WS sometimes don't understand that it takes a while for the BS to do that......but you have to be WILLING to do that eventually.
In order to recover you do have to get rid of the resentment and move forward and stop thinking about punishing your H.
<small>[ August 27, 2004, 09:42 AM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>
