Well after a month and a half my wife is back amongst the fogless. She finally (in her words) pulled her head out of her [censored] and realized what she was doing and how horriable to everyone it was. She is now firmly back with the family again and is doing anything to make it right ( including a bunch of things that 5 days ago she wouldn't have considered) . Now how in the world did I do this ???

I really don't have a clue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I wasn't really following Plan A or B. I was just doing what came and felt right at the time . I had originally tried to work things out with her but when she wasn't willing I threw in the towel and started filling out paperwork for divorce. I still remained supportive to her during this time (if you have read any of my other posts you know about my wife's other problems) but still got pissed on occasion and yelled out my share of LB's.

The funny thing is what ever combo of caring and yelling I used ....actually worked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (and in just over a month) . I know no relationship is the same and all people are different but if following your own plan can work for me maybe it can work for you as well. I would advocate doing what you feel is best for you and your family no matte what that may be. Follow your own plan if you must. Sometimes you just may know your relationship a lot better than most.

hehe ...dang I don't know what the purpose of this post was other than to yell WOOOOOHOOOOOO I got my wife and family back . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Glad to hear it!

Hard to say why what you did worked. Could be that no matter what you did, she has the core integrity to get her head out.

Let's face it. Couples have been recovering from infidelity LONG before any of this MB stuff was ever written down. Thousands of years, huh? No one claims this is the only way to do it.

But this is a good bet - follow the principles from here on out and you may have a better chance of developing an affair proof marriage in the future.

It's...

worthatry

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 09:17 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Oh Happy Day...OH HAPPY DAY!

Whatever works HITMAN...
just make sure you work on what caused the A
to happen in the first place.

As long as she's committed to NC with OP
it doesn't matter WHY she came back or what
method worked...at least in my opinion.

Just remember to get to a counselor and start correcting the circumstances that led to the affair.

GOOD LUCK and CONGRATS!!!!

Oh yes most definately.

I was actually doing that 3 weeks ago <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Took her a while to catch up.

Like I have said before she has a lot of issues. Her Dad had just been arrested for Child Molestation for the second time a little before the A started (first time he was arrested was for molesting all of my wifes friends when they were 7 ). She was talking to the OM about her problems because she didnt' think I would understand ( I had a perfectally normal childhood ). So now I have been reading "Allies in Healing" , a great book for partners of child abuse victoms to help them get through it. As well as "What about Me" , which is a book for Male partners of Female insest survivors. She is also finally getting conseling for the fist time ever for her problems.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> BRAVO!!! I was so distraught about your situation and am so happy to hear this! You just never know what will work!

For me, I simply told my H to get out when I found out. I called up the realtor and told her my new H was sleazoid and to put our newly bought house on the market.

Well...he came over and begged me to give him another chance and go to counseling with him. So, I decided that I would go to counseling with him a couple of times and THEN give him the bum's rush. That way I could say "I tried." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I still haven't given him the bum's rush and am happy as a clam with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

p.s. our counselor used Marriage Builders principles and completely changed our marriage.

"Allies in healing" is a great book.
Anyone who has a partner who has suffered from
sexual abuse should read this.
And all sexual abuse victims should read
"The courage to heal"
It's written by the same lady.

Thanks TTSI and Melody

A counselor told us to get the "Courage to Heal" workbook sometime . Said it would be a great benefit for us.

Yes the workbook is a great tool as well.
You are supposed to read the book first, then go through the workbook. The book itself is almost as big as a telephone book... very long.. But its considered the 'bible' on these issues.
Allies in healing also has a workbook available for it as well I believe.