Arrrggghh. This is getting so frustrating. So I invited my WW out for a beer last night. She asked me if there was something I wanted to talk about. I said no I just want to hang out for a bit and shoot the s*** because I enjoy your company. She said that she didn't think that was a good idea since we are at opposite ends of the spectrum right now with our feelings. She wants a D and I don't. She said there is a bunch of stuff that needs to be figured out first regarding the D before we can just hang out. So basically what she is trying to say is:

*If we get this D process moving forward/completed I would like to hang out with you. But not until then.

The I still want to be freinds and have you in my life thing but I just can't love you and be married to you because my head is in a fog. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

*I'm in a position of if we get the D process started/completed I really don't ever want to talk to her again. I can forgive an A but when it leads to complete abandonment, D with no discussion what so ever of reconciliation no attempt at all to resolve the issues, I really have no desire to forgive that or have her in my life.

The thing that really pisses me off is that she want's us to work through the D process together, come to our own agreements and fill out the paperwork because she doesn't want things to get expensive and ugly with attorney's. She want's me to just happily accept her A and make it look like the D was mutual, amicable and agreeable solution between the two of us. She doesn't have the guts to file herself. She has had 3 1/2 mos. to do that if she really wanted me out of her life so bad.

I don't know. I am losing hope. She is putting us in a position where all there is left to talk about is D. She doesn't want to hear my feelings she doesn't want to look for solutions she doesn't want to hang out and chat, she doesn't want to share her feelings other than the robotic response of I can't love you anymore, I am done. D is the only thing in her head right now and she is getting frustrated with me for not helping her get there.

What to do, what to do?

parkem, can you afford a few sessions with S.H(arley)? I wish I could, but it's far too expensive and I can't..so I'm kind of relying on these boards here.

If you can....there is one woman on here who's spouse is also totally uninterested in working on the M. SH advised her to ask her husband if he would consult with SH to help this woman see her contributions and to help deal with them. Something like that anyway. Her husband did agree to talk with SH.

Things have not changed for her..but maybe they would or wouldn't with you? just something to think about. ((hugs))..I know where you're coming from hon..my H steps further and further away from our M every day that we're separated.

I don't really have the funds right now for sessions with SH. I wish I did. My WW I think is still open to the idea of seeing my MC with me. Only for the purpose of helping me of course. I don't know if anyhting else will come of it.

The pain has just been so bad and as things slip further and further away it just makes me want to throw in the towel. I am on the verge of plan B, not that I think it will do much good. But maybe the thought of having me out of her life completely and for good will stir something within her.