Been wondering about you.

Please keep in touch, your WH seems a bit off...I worry that something may be keeping you from your computer.

Hope things are reasonable on your end and not too much chaos.

Top Rope, Mel, everyone.......

OH gosh I'm soooo sorry for not writing!!! I'm ok, dd is ok.... I was worried that one of WH's friends had found this board and was keeping him up on what I was doing/thinking. I don't really care now if they did.

The past weeks have been an all out roller coaster. I told WH that as long as he was having contact with OW we couldn't live together. A few days later he told me he was ending contact with her....I found out later that he spent the next day with her. I confronted him and told him that I was through with the lies...told him to move out.

His "moving out" has been ridiculous. Most nights he sleeps in his truck on the property (not a pick-up but a big truck that hauls a trailer). His friends have asked him to stay at their houses, but he refuses. Once he stayed overnight at a friends' (where OW works) but slept in his truck! Some nights he lurks around our property in the dark.

We've had a few blowouts, with him flying into a rage. I missed an opportunity to call the police when one night he broke two doors on my house. They weren't locked. He was enraged and smashed through a porch door and then kept slamming the kitchen door until the molding came off the wall.

I know, I know, I should have called the police that night. I had the phone dialed to 911 but didn't hit 'send'. I don't know why. Believe me I will at the next hint of violence. A local cop told me that if there's a domestic call, they always take in one of the people and hold them overnight. Then there is a No Contact order and they can't return to the property until the other spouse signs off.

30 years is a long time and I'm still adjusting to the fact that I loved an image, a person that doesn't exist. He has said some hateful things during the past week that help me realize the reality.

The last time he blew up was Sunday night. How ironic that shortly afterward I got a call from the police. I didn't know if WH was still on the property or not so I expected the call to be about him. But it was about a good friend of mine who was in the hospital...the result of domestic violence. Her husband of 25 years, who has never been violent, threw her to the floor during an argument and injured her face. I spent that night with her in the ER. It's unbelievable.

She is one of the people I've been leaning on. Neither she nor I would ever have expected this to happen to her. But the difference is that her husband took it upon himself to call a counselor for himself, and he's going to get help for anger management. His acceptance of responsibility and will to get help is a good sign.

I was seeing a counselor but just found out that sadly she's been diagnosed with cancer. She'll undergo chemo and won't be practicing for a long time. She'll send me a list of recommendations of other counselors but I don't know if I'm up to starting again with someone new.

I have a good attorney and am preparing for divorce.

Thanks again to everyone who has been thinking of us....

My God, haywire, I just get the chills reading your post. Please, please get a restraining order against your H. You just don't know what he is capable of. I am concerned that he will lose it while skulking around on your property and hurt you. Do you have a handgun? Can your D move in with you?

Thanks so much for checking in and letting us know you are alive. If you want to ever email me, you can get me at dana100@cablelynx.com

Oh Mel, I probably should get a restraining order but I know that he'd really go mad and might do something terrible. At least if the police come during an argument and THEY put the no contact order on him, he won't see it as my doing as much as the police's.

No, I don't have a gun. He wanted to get a gun last year but I wouldn't agree to it. I need to find out if he did get one.

DD lives in an apartment on the property but is away this week. She and her friends spend a lot of time with me in my house when she's home. Of course, that makes WH angry...he calls them my posse.

Thanks for your email addy. I'll send you mine.

haywire:
Thank Goodness!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, now I can let out a great Big "Whheeeeew"!

I know it wasn't intentional.....but you really got us worried here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Thank goodness your doing OK ...(as can be expected).

Gave a call out to you & when you didn't respond I began to wonder?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Just very happy and VERY Relieved that you are safe and well and decided to check in. ------long [*Sigh*]

Again sorry your going through this rough period, but glad you've got a Plan for yourself and you appear to be sticking too it.

Also very encouraged to read that you have someone In the "real" world that you can lean on and get support from. (In addition to your daughter, Of course).
Having a support system is one of the things that will make your getting through this awful period of your life easier. (No, not easy....just easier then it would be otherwise with NO Support).

Sorry to hear about your counselor (for her and for you). <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
However, If you were getting some benefit out of seeing her, please consider taking
her advice and contacting one of her recommendations. If not right away, then just think about it.

After being with your friend in the ER....I'm sure your going to call IF your H does any more violence. Perhaps he won't and you won't have to make the call.
With that said, happy to read that you WILL now do it...IF necessary.

NOW as For YOU:
Even if you don't give a complete report....Please PLEASE make sure to check in now and then and let us know if your OK. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
With your description of your H....you just never know.
(I had begun to wonder IF we would EVER hear from you again). SCARY!!!

In any case, welcome back (we missed you).
till next time ...(and don't be such a stranger).
later <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Top Rope,

I promise I'll keep in touch!!! I know this all sounds scary and it is. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I won't go this long again without checking in. I need you guys!

Yes, she is a great friend, we go back to childhood and we've seen each other through a lot of good and bad times. I was glad I could be there for her that night. She's been a rock for me.

Kind of funny but another great supporter is WH's sister. She's very realistic about it all and helps me look at it objectively. Even though she loves her brother she's helping me stay on track.

I will consider seeing another IC...I'm just not too enthusiastic about it right now.

Thanks again and take care.

MIL just called me. She's so distraught. WH won't return her or SIL's calls. Tomorrow she'll try again. They just want to talk to him, not pass judgement. He needs to talk to his family. He needs to get an apartment, not live in a GD truck!

It's so damn creepy. A little while ago I walked around the property a and heard music coming from the dark truck. Last night I was half asleep on the couch watching TV and my dog started growling at the window. He got up and barked at the window. Never did that before. Maybe my paranoia is spreading to the poor pup!