I've been home with my WW for a little over a week now. The last two days have been rough. She has been emailing OM while I work out in the morning. She admitted to it yesterday. Said he had a lot of sweet things to say and appeared to be letting go and understanding. WW has been crying a lot lately, not for me. She has given me a lot of the details of the EA and the brief PA. Man it really sucks to sit there and listen to it all. The OM totally moved into my role as husband, lover, friend and father while I was away. WW says she knows the right decision was to stay with me, but she still is convincing herself of it. Last two days have been hell.

I don't get Plan A. WW read SAA and doesn't agree with total cut-off. Says she wants to let OM down easy. Is the time limit for Plan A supposed to be the length of time I give WW and OM to end their relationship, or is it something else?

Yesterday she said she knew that to give our marriage a chance she would have terminate the EA for good and have no contact, but she wasn't ready to do it yet. Then she told me to be patient, everything would be okay and to let her work it out her way. I wanted to make some demands but know they are LBs. Am I missing a step here, or am I still on track?

Wasted and frustrated,

Zoomie,

from one blue-suiter to another ....NO!!!!

Plan A is about ending the affair not a grace period in which she can do as she pleases. You be the husband that she always wanted, thoughful caring attentive and loving. I had a lot of trouble with this and basically became a doormat. Which basically let her carry on the affair as I basically kissed her a$$. (don't become a doormat)

Plan A is not about ignoring what is going on. Of course she doesn't agree, she is getting the best of both worlds and is in no rush to change it.

I know it is rough. She's crying because she misses him. You feel if you do anything to upset her she'll pull farther away. I freakin rips your heart out.

A quick cut is the best for your marriage. She will have more withdrawals as her "soulmate" is now gone but given time, no contact and you kick-butt husbandry you have a excellent chance of recovery.

God Bless

Doug

Hello,

DRose is absolutely correct. There is no grace period. It is absurd that she expects you to accept her constant contact with a man that has emotionally and physical sabotaged your marriage and put your health at risk. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly believe your wife would be so accepting of you contantly seeing the OW?
No contact is essential and no contact means no contact. Otherwise she is continuing to disrespect and humiliate you as her husband. She sounds like a cakewoman who enjoys having you as her husband and the OM as her part time emotional/physical lover. This is unacceptable.