Well, what a night. I hope it ends soon. And I hope I get to sleep.
I play volleyball on Friday nights and the WW used to stay home. Well, tonight she decides to get a sitter and go out.
After V-ball, we go to the local church carnavial. And who do I see, the WW at the beer tent. I had me a possee with me and she was with 4 girlfriends who all know and are OK with the cheaters.
She walked by me and did not notice. So I said hello. She almost broke stride to say hello and 'I am going with them'. My buddy was with me, he has know us from the start of my M and was in my wedding party. He was madder than me. I am just numb. I figured, I knew she was out, she was with her girlfriends, so what.
Well, then I see the OM. And I see my WW and the OM. Now, I go from numb to sick. I saw the way she looked at him. Resting her chin on his shoulder and looking up into his eyes. That was how she used to look at me. I know that look. The OM is probably gonna get lucky tonight. In the parking lot, again.
Well, my possee (buddies wives) went over and talked to her and him. I really have great friends who are so on my side. I told all my buddies I would bail anyone out of jail that beat him up. I am a lover not a fighter. They told her she had to come and talk to me.
She came over to talk and back peddled and said she did not know he would be here. Blah blah blah. Part of me wants to believe her, but most of me cannot. At least her car was not at his house. Snooping is fun.
Then she tells me she is sorry. I am thinking, sorry for what? Sorry for craping on your marriage vows? Sorry for giving up on your family? Sorry for seeing me so now you cannot enjoy your date?
I told her I could not talk now. I asked her to come home early and if she wanted, we could talk then. She said OK. Its almost midnight and she is not home. I expect her to be home around 2:30am. I will update you on that.
We did not work on our seperation at all, so the AM MC session may be a sparky one.
I figured out a few things:
1) I am not gonna move out of state with out my kids, so my job is going to go by-by.
2) I am going to push for at least joint custody and try for full custody if she does not contest it. If I get full custody, I am moving out of state with the kids to start my new life.
3) I have to seperate from this woman. I cannot stand how I feel and the sight of her hurts too much. I know that if we stay in the same house, bad things are going to happen. A LOT of bad things.
4) I am not leaving this house. If she is so desperate to get out of the marriage, she can get out of our house. I will most likely go broke, but that will turn around eventually.
I hope I am not too much in taker mode. It has only been 2.5 months since D-day, but she has told me the A was not going to end and that she is no longer in love with me. But I also hear her tell me she is still on the fence.
I think for my own sanity, I need to start plan B. Unless the Prozac really kicks in soon, I cant do this much longer.
Did that magic wand that I ordered come in? Did someone sign for it?
Good night, and may your God go with you.
