oh god, how has it come to this?he says he wants a d, that he doesnt want to hurt me anymore, that i deserve better than this, that now he's with ow, he was with her last nite. how can he do this to me?that he loves me still, but he wont give her up. im crying so hard i cant breathe. how could this happen?god i hate him for this..

Unfortunately we all have to prepare ourselves for this in one way or another. It's always a possibility that this mess will end up in a D whether we want it to or not.

I don't know much about your story.....but I wouldn't believe it until I saw the papers....and even then.....stall it as long as possible.

My H told me HUNDREDS of times that he wanted a D and that he was going to file.....he never did.
We might as well have been divorced though.....actually....I was ready to file right before my H came around.

You also have to remember that a D doesn't really mean that it can never be again. I know for a fact that there are some on here that have gotten divorced from their WS's and are now back together.

Your H is contradicting himself as most WS's do.

I want a D....I don't want to hurt you.
I still love you.....but I won't give her up.

Classic!

Take care of you and your DD.

<small>[ August 28, 2004, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

i called him and he said that he went to the lawyers office to get prices on a divorce. i asked did he file he said not yet because he doesnt know what he wants. i told him you dont love her, you only love the way she makes you feel, you love me. is this what you want? he says i dont know what i want but stop crowding me, you only make things worse when you start calling people and talking ****.i told him she makes him feel good because he feels guilty when he looks at me and he didnt have to feel that way because of my love for him i could forgive him. he stayed quiet and said i love you unconditionally, you know that right? you think this is easy for me? if it was i would have did it a long time ago, just leave me alone and let me figure out what i want.i also told him he would have never left me if i wasnt getting so close to the truth, that we still would have been going on like before, him staying out all night and me *****ing about it.im so empty right now...just dont want to do anything.

please is anyone out there? im so shattered right nowhelp me thru this please.

Shelly - How are we going to get you stronger? Your WH is behaving very poorly right now. He is addicted, and will continue to behave like an addict. Don't take it personally.

If you did get a divorce, it would not be the end of the world. You would find someone else who deserves your love and faithfulness.

But you are still very early in this, much too early to know which way this will go.

Have you done anything to have a life outside of your husband?

Shelly,

First thing you need to do is breath, and try to calm down. I'm terrible sorry you're going thru this, you do not deserve to be treated this way. Just know most everyone here has been thru it too.

If your H does file there is nothing you can do about that unfortuntely hon. You can only control you. But there are things you can do in the mean time.

You need to put a plan in place. Are you in Plan A? If so, you need to stop calling your H and presuring him. I know you feel panicky, but calling him and presuring him will only make matters worse. And I'm sure it's an LB for him.

You don't want to lovebust when in Plan A. It's hard but it is do-able. It just takes practice.

Jo


Are you talking anti-deps yet. If not, make an appt to see your doc for them. It's almost impossible to get thru this ordeal without them.

Shelly,

Please post back so we know you're okay.

Lv,
Jo

this is so humiliating. he tells me hes divorcing me to be with someone else, and i tell him ill forgive him and take him back? he must have no respect for me, i feel sick even looking at myself. why didnt i listen to everyone on this board who told me i was making things worse? then i'd at least still have him and she wouldnt.that lying little *****, i want to find her and beat the dog **** out of her. cant stop crying.

Shelly, sweetie, there is nothing humiliating about wanting to save your marriage.

However, you have got to get it out of your mind that he is your whole world. Can you consider that?

I think you're a really good candidate for anti-deps, Shelly. This rollercoaster has just begun for you and there's more ahead. See your doctor on Monday for a AD sript first thing. It definitely makes this whole thing livable.

Now, about the OW. You need to stop thinking about HER. Very hard to do, I know, but it's not going to help your H see you in a better light if you contact her and harass her in any way.

You agree?

Venting about it here is okay, but DO NOT act upon it.

Jo

<small>[ August 28, 2004, 01:58 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

its funny you mention that because to me he is my whole world, i dont even want to live without him.believer, why didnt i listen to you?you would tell me i was making things worse but i wouldnt let it alone. my whole world is falling down around my head and i cant just sit and do nothing.

hi shelley.....you dont want to know the stuff i did when my WH was having his first A. So dont feel humilated.

As beleiver said, "there is nothing humilating about wanting to save your marriage."

You need to get a good plan a going. Remember no Relationship talk.

A poster named WAT has a post on Quickstart guidelines for BS. Sorry, i dont know how to post the link (im not computer savey)but maybe somelse reading would be able to. I think maybe that would help. I know they helped me in the begining.

shelley...how long has he been gone? Get some anti-d's ASAP, they do wonders. Re-read plan A material on this website. Hang in there.

Take care
A/C0810

Shelly

He is not your whole world! I thought the same thing when I was in yours shoes. My husband was my world.He worked I didn't, He had everything in his name I had nothing, I didn't even have a credit card or a dime to my name. Everything was about him. Well 7mths has passed, He said he wanted a dv in the beginning put still has never filed. I am slowly gettin over him and I have my own car and own credited cards (I owe nothing on them) but I have them. I think a whole lot more of myself. This OW can never be half the person you are. You would never wreck someone home. Sleep with a married man or anything else like that.You are a better person than that with or without you husband!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by shelly_3:
<strong> its funny you mention that because to me he is my whole world, i dont even want to live without him. my whole world is falling down around my head and i cant just sit and do nothing. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">shelly,

Your child needs you right now. She is crying out for help and you are doing NOTHING to help her. She is lost and has no one. Right now your priority is your daughter...help her before something awful happens to her. She has already come home drunk and beat up..and she's only 12! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Stop blaming someone for her behavior...and just get some HELP for her.

Don't abandon her to chase after your WS.

JMHO
committed

my sister in law has her right now. im a wreck, i cant function and i dont know if i can pull myself together.

Okay, you are going to need some anti-depressants to help you get thru this. And until you can get some, try exercise. Walk or run until you are exhausted. It will help.

Shelly, we all started out like you, but got through it, and are doing much better. You will get through too.

maybe your right.im so upset i cant see straight.im so miserable and alone right now. how can he bring down my whole world like this?im too upset right now.

Shelly -

Life will get better for you. It is just very upsetting when you are going through all of this.

But don't give him so much power, that he can make or break you. See a doctor for some help, and see if you can think of something to make you feel better - something that does not include him. You can do this.

still cant stop crying. wh called me when he heard me sob into the phone he asked me why was i crying. like he shouldnt know.i said why do you think? you have a lot of nerve to ask that. he said dont cry anymore because it hurts me when you cry. that just made me cry more. he said i love you, he said just let me clear my head, nobody knows about this , its not like im out with her on my arm embarrassing you. i told him please dont lie to me, she already told me you took her by your friends. he said well its not like you know these people, like that made it okay. i told him i love you so much, he said and i love you. then he said he had to go and he would check on me later. i cant do anything but sit here and cry.

Shelly - Your WH is not going to be much help to you right now. He is the one hurting you. Please get some anti-D's and exercise right away.

Do you have any close friends that can help?