My WW may be feeling some of the pressure of not having her kids since she left this last time. If you don't know my story, WW has come and gone 4 times and now we are waiting for a court date for the DV. My D's told my WW if she went back to OM they wouldn't stay with her. I even warned WW that she may lose her kids if she left again. Well, she is now feeling the effects of her going back now. Since she left, the girls have not spent hardly any time with her at all. The girls have gotten a couple of cards from her asking them to spend time with her but they don't want to have anything to do with her at this point. Even though I warned WW this may happen, I feel really bad for her. Her girls were always her life before OM came into the picture. I've encouraged my D's to spend time with their mom, but they won't. They pretty much only see her or talk to her when they want something. Pretty bad huh? Was wondering if other WS's have had this same thing happen? I don't want my D's to think that what their mom did wasn't wrong, but on the other hand I know they need their mother in their lives. I hope sometime in the future they can all forgive one another....

Similar situation here.

Only one of our three daughters will have anything to do with WH. AND she admits she has visitation with him because he takes her to movies and restaurants and buys her lots of stuff (which I can't afford to compete with).

I also tried talking my daughters into spending time with their father. It didn't work and they were starting to lose respect for me too. They just saw it as me being a fool or making excuses for him.

If they were a lot younger, I guess they'd go along and not know how to articulate their anger and disappointment. That's what happened to my WH when his parents divorced. And IMO it's a major factor in why he has the problems he has now. So in a way my daughters and I are paying for the ease with which his mother got away with her adultery and divorce...

My 2 kids 17 & 16 are going thro the same thing with their mum.
Though she hasn't left, they are having a hard time respecting her at all. The A is over - I think - the Om in another state now with his wife, so maybe, we are in MC.

But the kids will take a lot of convincing.

I have been getting a lot of advice from others here, some kids when heir mums & dads had A, they say basically try to have them speak about mum in a respectful language BUt let mum get their respect & love back she was the one who caused it.
I'm tending to agree as when I try to 'fix' things the kids get annoyed that I lessen what they see as her disregard for them and family.

I'm afraid your WW will have to accept it as the part of the price she has to pay for making this choice in her life. She made a choice and so now are your children. One day they may relent a bit but you have no control over that.

Best wishes

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lost-without-her:
<strong> My WW may be feeling some of the pressure of not having her kids since she left this last time. If you don't know my story, WW has come and gone 4 times and now we are waiting for a court date for the DV. My D's told my WW if she went back to OM they wouldn't stay with her. I even warned WW that she may lose her kids if she left again. Well, she is now feeling the effects of her going back now. Since she left, the girls have not spent hardly any time with her at all. The girls have gotten a couple of cards from her asking them to spend time with her but they don't want to have anything to do with her at this point. Even though I warned WW this may happen, I feel really bad for her. Her girls were always her life before OM came into the picture. I've encouraged my D's to spend time with their mom, but they won't. They pretty much only see her or talk to her when they want something. Pretty bad huh? Was wondering if other WS's have had this same thing happen? I don't want my D's to think that what their mom did wasn't wrong, but on the other hand I know they need their mother in their lives. I hope sometime in the future they can all forgive one another.... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just my humble opinion here…

Your D’s need their mother IF she’s going to actually be a mother to them. She’s not mothering them if she’s preoccupied with OM. You don’t get to be honored and respected and cherished as a mother simply because you gave birth to a person. You get it because you MOTHER a person. And the best way to mother a child is by not breaking up their home and dropping a bomb in the midst of their lives.

There’s an element of cake eating going on here too. Your WW wants to have her life with OM AND at the same time still be close and “same as before” with her daughters. That’s just about as likely as she continues the relationship with OM and stays married to you.

The moment your d-day happened your D’s relationship with their mother changed - FOREVER. (just like your marriage). Espeically given their age – they will forever know this about their mother, forever remember the lies and the hurt. I think the older a person is when d-day happens – the more drastic the change in their relationship with the WP (Wandering Parent). A child who goes through d-day at age 8 has more time to recover than a an adult child who goes through it at age 20.

I don’t know if that makes sense….

And I can’t even speak on the issue of forgiveness. That is an admittedly sore subject for me.