My son just came home and said that H told him he was never coming back home. I asked my son if daddy told him why and he said no. Well of course he didn't becasue he doesn't want his son to look down on him. I guess I will have to tell my son tonight. I'm tired of playing games with H.

Has anyone's H ever said they weren't coming home and be positive that they aren't and then a few months down the road they want to come back? Just not sure if H is talking in the fog or if he really means it. I need to know so I can do what I have to do.

Whooo TR. Telling the little boy he's never coming back. Phew. Not sure how to respond to that.

It is certainly fog, as everything recent WS say is reprehensible nonsense that they later regret BUT having the convistion to say that to his little son....that is poison gas, not fog.

Ah well, at least you can deal with a statement like that. " yes son, thats what daddy feels right now. Will he feel like that for ever ? I don't know, nor does Daddy".

Good job your Son has a lovely, smart , caring Mom to make up for his temporarily certifiable dad.

I won't offer advice Tree, I am clueless what to advise. So I'll just give you a hug {{{{TR}}}}

Thanks Bob...hugs to you too.
Could my H be truly in love with this person that he is willing just to give up his family? Could he really ever be happen with that decision? (SP)
He says he loves me but not like a H should and that he loves me more than I love him and that's why he's letting me go. Does this make sense?????
I know for a fact he's still seeing OW. Should I write OW a letter and let her know who he really is and how I feel? I know I asked this before but now I'm at my witts end.

Yes, Tree Reich, I was positive my wife was not coming home the night she left for her apartment after choosing the OM over me and the family.

That night I had to inform our children of what was going on. It IS extremely hard, but it sometimes must be done if the WS is adamant.

In your case, given what your husband has said to your son, I think it's probably imperative that you sit down with your son and explain to him that "Daddy not ever coming home", as he said, "has nothing to do with the son. Mom and Dad are having some problems and while we are trying to work it out, right now we can't be together. No matter if it doesn't work out for a long time or perhaps never, Dad still loves you and I still love you. I don't want you to think that you had anything to do with OUR problems. This a Husband and Wife thing, not a Mom and Dad thing.

It is very possible that your son could start blaming himself for being the "cause" of the problem, so you need to reassure him that he has had nothing to do with the situation. Reassure him of your love for your husband and your desire to "work things out with his Father."

This is one of the aspects of affairs that angers me, when the children get "dragged into it." God bless and grant you wisdom and comfort.

Tree -

Your WH is still deeply in the fog. You need to speak with your son, and tell him that you and WH are having problems, but mom has a plan.

Leave your son completely out of this. He needs to know that you are working for a better life.

I will talk to my son and let him know that I'm trying to work things out and that we both love him.

The thing that is driving me crazy is that my H told our son tonight that he does love me. He's confusing him! My son asks me...well, if daddy loves you then why isn't he here and why is he never coming home? It's just so hard on children!
I went out to a movie with friends and had a great time but the minute I got back in my car I started crying my eyes out. It's like the minute the fun ends I hit a brick wall again and hurt so bad!!!!!!!!

Well, I need to get to bed.....gettting up early for church! I haven't been in a while and I think it's time to start going back. Looking forward to it!!!! Good night all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I had an awful dream last night! I woke up feeling so much pain in my heart. I truly don't know how much more of this I can take.

My son starts baseball practice Tuesday which means I'll have to see my H. I'm already so nervous about it. It hurts just to see him when he picks my son up(I peek through the window).
One of my firends told me to just drop him off at practice and not stay...but....I have never done that. I'm one of those dedicated moms who happens to love baseball and enjoys watching my son even at practices. I just can't let him force me not to be there to watch. I just don't know how to deal with my emotions while I'm there. Ugghghghhh~

Does anyone think it's possible for him to love me again or am I just hanging on to hope that isn't there? And if he does come around will I want him after what he's done to me? I'm sure these questions have been answered a million times but it's what I'm thnking this morning. I'm just so lost and confused.

Tree...

i have had that same dream. im hurting today. i feel so emtpy inside...i just want the pain to go away...

i feel like im up against the world and no one is listening to me

sorry for the rant

JAH....
I feel the same way! I just wish the pain would vansih into thin air. It's just so cruel and unfair what we are going through(actually more for our children).
They don't deserve this!!!!!
I just want to scream!!!!!! I think I'll go into my closet with a pillow and scream as loud as I can. Be right back!!!!

Ok, I'm back....now my throat hurts!!!! Better for my throat to hurt than my heart right???
Ok...gotta get to church.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does anyone think it's possible for him to love me again or am I just hanging on to hope that isn't there? And if he does come around will I want him after what he's done to me? I'm sure these questions have been answered a million times but it's what I'm thnking this morning. I'm just so lost and confused. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, TR, it's quite possible. But only through his humble surrender to God. I can't recall right now what you have said previously about his faith, but until he recognizes that he is sinning against a Holy God he will likely continue to "fight" anything that says what he is doing is wrong.

You need to put your trust and faith in God. He will help you with the pain and confusion no matter what your husband does. I know it can seem a bit scary, but you really wouldn't want your husband back the way he is now, would you? You want a "newer and better" husband back. Just remember that God will not "force" anyone to turn to Him, but He stands ready to help whenever someone is "broken" and ready to submit their will to His.

The idea I'd like you to think about is that the really important thing for YOU is to be a "better you" regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do. To walk with God regardless of what anyone else says or does. Yes, our desire is to recover our marriages, but only through mutual humbleness and obedience to God's commands. If we don't do it that way, then we supplant God's position as "head of our lives, as Sovereign" and put ourselves in that position. At that point we can do anything we want because we are Sovereign and no one can "tell us what is right or wrong, or what to do or not to do." That's pretty much the position that all WS's take. Total self-absorption without regard to anyone else.

No, it doesn't necessarily lessen the pain that you have to go through, but God does give you the anchor to hold you fast and get you through the storm until He can guide to calmer and more peaceful waters.

Lastly, regarding whether or not you would "want" him even if he did want to come back...there is something that you need to be ready to ask yourself when that time comes. Do you like him?

Liking is not the same thing as loving. You can love someone you don't like. You will have a very hard time being married to someone you may love, but don't like. Love will be able to motivate you to forgive, but not to live the rest of your life with. It will take a "new creation" for you to like. The current person, you know you don't like. It will be dependent upon him to CHANGE who he is to become more "likeable" and "loveable." If he won't, then you have to remember that God is also a God of Peace and will not ask you live with someone who continues in blatant and sinful rebellion.

(((((Tree Reich)))))

It's hard, and the pit seems so deep. The darkness seems so black that you doubt any light could penetrate. But it can. God's light banishes darkness. "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Ps.23:4)

Thank you foreverheres...
well alot has changed today. My H sent me 2 emails. One was saying how much I need to pay for the house...I don't have a job...my job has been caring for our son.

My firend and I rode by OW's home to see where my H has been spending his time....well this brings me to the second email......He told me that her neighbor saw me and is now threatening to slap me with harrassment and that she could burn dy home and slash my tires. Nice huh???? This woman is supposed to be a doctor. I just can't believe my H is with someone who is now threatening his family and home. H also said he is meeting with a lawyer to file for divorce. I honestly can't fight anymore for this marriage. Too much damage has been done. I have so much hatred in my hear tfor my H at this time. I just won't to get on with my life now. He has no idea the damage he has done. One day he will open his esey and it will be way too later. I will find someone else who can love and treat me with the respect I deserve. It's all just so unbelievable. The man I married was so different. I loveed him with all my heart. He's dead now. I have to grieve for him and let go.

I wish all of you the best in your fight for your marriage. I wish I would have been given the chance to save mine. My H never even tired!!!!!!
It saddens me to think that almost 15 years of marraige have just been tossed out with the trash so easily. I will always remember the good times and know that I didn all that I could. Me and my son will make it!!!!! He is my saving grace!!!!!!
Ya know.....I even woke up this morning happy and we went to church and out to lunch with friends. I thought my day was going to be pretty good. You just never know!!!!!

{{{{{TR}}}}}

I am so sorry to hear of the threats and ugliness from your WH. I know how that feels. It is unbelievable how the person we loved for years turns into someone we don't even know. It breaks my heart--in my own situation and in reading all the posts of others going though similar pain.

I'm not the one to offer M advice, since I'm now in the process of DV, but just was lurking and read and could imagine the pain and confusion you must been feeling right now. Just wanted to tell you, you will be okay. Trust God. He'll keep you going.

LL

TR,
This probably won't make you feel much better, but sounds like the FOG talking.

Funny that something that you can see, but really has no substance can cause so much pain.

Thank you lordslady...

I just feel like I've been hit by a truck full speed. I've give my best and all my heart to my H. I guess there is just nothing left. I am now totally only concerned with my beautiful son. I have to find a way to be strong for him and fight for his happiness.
I would have done anything for my H and he knows that. I am a wonderful mother and was always a wonderful wife. I gave my all to my family and thought that was enough. Apparently it wasn't good enouogh for him. It's so very hard for me to give up becasue I'm not a quitter. I just have no choice now. It's really out of my hands. H has just gone too far and I have to set my boundaries. I hope and pray that I will fall in love again and find a wonderful man to spend the rest of my life with. I always thought I would grow old with my H and watch our grandchildren gorw up together. It's just so heart wrenching! The pain and sadness has taken it's toll on me. I surrender!!!!!
I will still be on here everyday for support. You all have helped me through some of my darkest days. For that I will always be greatful. If I could reach through this computer and hug all of you I would.


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
<strong> .....My firend and I rode by OW's home to see where my H has been spending his time....well this brings me to the second email......He told me that her neighbor saw me and is now threatening to slap me with harrassment and that she could burn dy home and slash my tires. Nice huh???? This woman is supposed to be a doctor. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TR,

Your H is feeding you a line of bullpoo. Ask him for the neighbor's name. Do a background check on the OW. I think you have just found a weakness in the OW. She is afraid of you. Use this info wisely. Keep the OW on her toes.

Call the police and file a report. Let them know that you were with a friend driving down a street and then you received an e-mail stating some wants to: "threatening to slap me with harrassment and that she could burn dy home and slash my tires." State that you are not sure if it is the neighbor or the OW but that this type of info scares you. Let them know you were just minding your own business in that area but didn't know it was a 'rough neighborhood.' Also state that you are now confused, the person said they were going to slap you w/harrassement and do you harm? Sooo confusing. The police will find this interesting. Keep the e-mail as proof. Maybe the police will visit the OW to verify. LOL!!!! Talk about putting your tax $$ to work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 02:04 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

duplicate post.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 02:01 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

dear TR this is hitting you so hard... I wish there was somthing I could do to help...

I can say one thing from my own brief but deep experince of handling an affair. the BS ususally far more tools to influence ( not control) the progress of teh Affair, but if YOu are like ME theres a voice in you that says " If I use this tool, WH will think I am mean and it will lose my last chance of every getting him back".

Well, my advice is you must throw away that thought. It is what my WW and OM threatened me with.

You can expose, you can involve the police at the threat from OM, you can take out a half page advert in a local newspaper if you think it would help, and NONE of these actions will serve to push WH away in the long term.

Affairs truly feed on Bullpoop and lies. Shine a light on them and they wither like winter weeds.

With your WH alkready being out of your life effectively you have nothing to lose.

Pour a glass of chardonnay and write down teh actions you could take in order to further expose teh A or to make the existence of it more difficult. Then shuffle them like cards.

If your WS and OP are like theones in my case they live in FEAR of you realising your empowerment one day. Even if it is only discomfort and a tug on teh guilt dtrings, there are many action syou can take.

It is truly empowering to DO something even if it is not an agressive act.

Does OM have a family that doesn't know about her behaviour for example ?

Much love TR, exercise your strength, exercise makes you strong. Look at my new pecs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{{{{{{{{{TR}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 02:43 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

well, I really don't have anything more to say. It's over. I just have to accept that my marriage is over and that I will be alone. I have my son thank GOD! I just don't know how to do it by myself. I know in time my heart will heal and I will hpoefully meet someone who will love and respect me for me. I don't know how I will ever trust again. That's going to be a tough one for me.
I will survive though!!!

TR if your M is over, you will not be alone unless you so choose. You are a good person.

If you choose to save your M you will not be alone. You will win the heart of you WH back and you will not be alone.

Alone is temporary unless you choose it long term , dear TR.

Bob...I really don't have a choice. He's filing for divorce and at this point I don't think I could ever feel the same about him. The man I married died! I have to look out for me and my son now. My H wants to divorce me so he can be with OW and God knows who else. He doesn't love me. I'm just tired of fighting. I don't know what else to do.