Hi, I haven't been "talking" on this website for awhile but have been reading replies.

Anyway, to make a long story short, my h moved in with OW Oct 03. Since that time we've had our ups and downs. Well, two weeks ago h asked if he could move back but said he's afraid to make the move home for fear things will be the same as when he left. I told him that I've changed and he's even commented that he's noticed a positive change in me.

I told him I want to move on with my life and then this talk about possibly moving home. Coincidence?? I told him that 3 people don't make a marriage and he agreed. He says he loves me but isn't in love with me but wants to rekindle our love. Doesn't sound like he can living where he is. Right now I think he's all talk because he knows I'm getting restless and ready to move on with or without him. He also mentioned he doesn't want a divorce but I've suggested it.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I should do? If he's serious, don't you think he would have left OW by now?

Yep - this is an old ploy. Don't believe him. Have you done a good Plan A? If so, might be time for Plan B. My WH has been living with OW for a year, and still babbles about working on our marriage.

Talk is cheap, watch his actions. He needs to have no contact with OW, before you even consider talking relationship with him.

I suggest you require a little more from him than a desire to come back to your home... here is a general outline.

1. He moves out of OW residence. (like yesterday)

2. He write OW a letter of NC. You both sign it and mail it at the post office together. (not email, not text messaging, a real written letter) Examples of the NC letter available on Harley's concept pages.

3. He makes an appointment for himself to go to therapy (and keeps the appointment) .... and when the therapist thinks your H is ready ... you are invited to join your H in couples counseling. HE goes first. He has some things to work out before he's ready to partner you.

4. Your H moves home with you when the therapist thinks it is advisable.

Pep

I agree with the part about actions speak louder than words. I think I've done a good Plan A and have been considering starting Plan B.


I've mentioned about his moving out from where he's staying and going to see another counselor. We were both seeing a counselor, separately and together, but h pulled the wool over the counselor's eyes, so now h refuses to go since the counselor called him on it.

H called a few minutes ago to talk, so he said. Said he'd been thinking about me. He told me that if I give up on him then I give up on myself. See, he's been telling me for a couple months to not give up on him. From his discussion, I could tell that everything is still all about him.

I appreciate the prompt replies and any future ones!

Pepperband, I looked for the letter to the OW on the concept pages but couldn't locate it. Do you know how to find it?