Getting ready for the hearing to vacate the house for sole use and cusody of WW.

For the most part I felt good during the past week. But today after church I hit a wall. Can't seem to get off the chair. Was planning on cleaning the garage, much needed and overdue, but just can't get up. WW is at friends house and kids are off at thier friends. So I sit here alone, and think this is what the future holds for me.

I'm just worn out. I have backslid on the LB's. I have confronted her A with disrespectful judgements. But Dang, I feel that way. I just can't get over what has happened to her. And the fact she seems to actually take pleasure from my discomfort or pain. I know I'll catch hell again when she gets home because the garage hasn't been clean. I'm a packrat, I know that is one of WW pet peeves. Just can't get up.

<small>[ August 29, 2004, 05:19 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom - I had a whole long post for you and just lost it, dang it.

I have been in that ol' sucky paralized mode all weekend too.

I will be thinking of you and praying for an outcome in your favor at the hearing tomorrow, as will everyone else on here.

Good luck TomJoad,
Hang in there guy!

Tom - I'm posting my butt off right now because I can't get off it. I have so much to do around this house. I'm overwhelmed a little. It's Sunday, it's raining, I'm sad, blah blah blah.

Okay, I'm going to get up and work for just 15 minutes. Then I'll try another 15.

GC

TJ, you are in a bad place. You are allowed to lose heart. H@ck knows I lost heart after seven weeks y'day and my WW is in my house !

Remember what happened last time you felt like this? Thats right, you got over it and felt good again soon after.

It will happen again.

Wish I was close mate, I'd buy you a brew and talk about Badlands versus Tunnel of Love...

{{{TJ}}}}

It'l be better soon mate. You know it.

Folded some of the kids laundry at least. And I HATE that. But I've been doing it. I would have done it a long time ago if I'd known that was one of WW complaints. I would have changed a lot of things.

But I just sit here and watch the history channel. hhhhhhhmmmphhhh.

Talked to WW briefly today, she beat on me about things I've done wrong in the past. Mainly some of my angry outbursts. (proud to say I have been AO free for 4 months...LOL) I responded that I never claimed my misbehaivor was OK. I have always recognized and owned up to my bad behaivors. Two wrongs didn't make a right, and my reactions to her weren't OK just because I was upset.

However, she doesn't have that same conscious apparently. She seems to believe that doing what she is doing is OK, justified because now she is unhappy. **** I never knew any of her unhappiness until I discovered the OM. She said everything was good. All the way up until D-Day.

Bob, I like "Tunnel of Love" even though most are dismissive of it. "Tougher than the Rest" is a song I keep in my repertoire for parties and campfires. I listened to Nebraska while I drove across it the other day, which was fun. Of course, "Atlantic City" is also in the GC songbook.

Tom, my WW isn't as mean as yours, but maybe that's because I never see her. Keep trying to remember that her cruelty is a thing she uses to shout over the guilty voice screaming within.

GC

TJ,
My W usually fell to pieces whenever we discussed the issues surronding the A. I think in my W's mind, she needs more than a family to be happy and if she returns she must give up more than OM, but her independence. I struggle day to day as well, you are not alone. I do wish my W would open up and express her pet peeves, the only thing she's complained about is my outbursts, besides that she would say I'm a great H. I can't believe she gives me a card 2 weeks ago thanking me for hanging in there with her thru all of this and how she would have never survived it without my support. The next thing I know, I'm back in the loop. She's yelling she feels trapped and then she's out the door. In my case, everything looks positive until she re-connects with OM and OMP's. She will not let it go and it threatens to not only destry our M but our family as well.

Do as much as you can. Try again with the garage for a little while. I know you're really not in the mood to do much, pretty much deflated at this point. I find that staying busy allows my brain to quiet for at least a little while. There are so many of us in the same boat and it's hard to give advice when you're trying to climb out of the sewer yourself. All I can say is keep climbing. Remember ShawShank Redemption? It's still one of my favorite movies. Remember the prison escape in the sewer line? Welp, that us for the time being...here's to some fresh air and the sun on your face.

Stay strong.

Tom, et. al.,

I too have been going through a major burn out period lately. I was ready to totally give up two weeks ago and file for divorce. I just didn't have the emotional or physical energy to continue. My WW is still in occasional phone contact with the OM. He owes her $6,000 and she calls about once a month to try to get it back. At least the b@stard has had the decency to attempt NC. My wife is the one that always calls. Unfortunately when she calls him, it raises my suspicions and feelings of insecurity and I snoop through her email and diary. I found an entry in her diary that said how much she missed the OM and she was confused about what she wants. That seemed to be one of the triggers that sent me crashing down this time.

I think the only things that helped me get through this one was several lengthy email exchanges with my IC, posting on this board and taking some St. John's Wort. (Helps the depression but makes me kind of numb).

I wish I had something better for you but like someone else said, you've been through this before and just remember how it felt after you did make it through it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.