2Scared,

When you tried to talk to her, was it before she knew about the A or after?

Had her behavior changed during the A when she didn't know what was going on?

I feel for her because her pain will not get better until she figures out what went wrong prior to and during the A.

I am still struggling to figure all that out myself. But I know I couldn't do it without talking to my H. I still have anger and hurt, but having him here to help me through it is what makes it easier. And I am trying my best to help him with this withdrawal stuff. And that too is hard. It is hard to accept that he gave anything of himself to the OW. It is like I just lost the last year and a half of our lives. He lived them. I didn't. That is how I feel about not knowing.

I hope your wife can come to a place where she can talk with you about the problems leading up to the A. What does she say about the book she read (Surviving an Affair)? Did it help her?

ng

This is NOT good news...I am devastated again. I received this e-mail from him today. I feel like I am just a frickin desperate nuisance in his life and I cannot stand feeling that way. I have so much to offer in life and he is just taking advantage of this while he is meeting someone else's needs. Why is he doing this? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

"K,

I was out of town this weekend. From now on, instead of just stopping by, call me first and we can set up a time to meet if I'm not home. As I said before, you don't really need the bill, you need to call Time Warner Cable and have them switch the name. You can ask them to forward you a new bill then, or just pay over the phone by credit card. Hope all else is well and that your training is going good. Best of luck to you in all aspects of your life.
-S"

I WANT TO REPLY WITH THE FOLLOWING....IS THIS OK? My other thought would be to send the 2 Harley Books to him along with a note stating what I have learned from the books. Which is better or are both appropriate. I need to know soon because my patience in Plan A is running very thin. I can't be nice to someone and have them step all over me like he is doing right now. I am sharing the world with him and he is obviously hiding a lot of things as well as lying big time. Help!

"Hi S,

Hope you had a good weekend. Where did you go? It is important that I know how to get in contact with you in case of emergency.

I wish you would share more with me. I guess I need you to be honest with me...are you in love with another woman right now? I feel like you are hiding a lot from me and that hurts. Is this woman the same gal from last fall? This comment, "Best of luck to you in all aspects of your life" suggests that you really don't want to have any contact with me at this point. Is this the case, I guess I need to know because I do desire to spend more time with you as I finish Ironman training and move on to other aspects of my life. I love you and always will and as I stated on our wedding day, I will be with you "thru good times and bad times". However, I do not desire to be an added stress in your life right now.

Love always & forever,

-K"

THoughts on this greatly appreciated!!!!

-K

I would love to hear a little more from FOGLESS if you are out there....my story in a nutshell is I found out about WH in March, it was an EA with a coworker that he still has to work with. He told me it was over several times over the last few months and it never was...he has been lying all along...He works from home most of the time so I know there has not been a lot of physical contact but there has been excessive emails, phone calls and text messages-and a couple of dinners, but he has written emails claiming he loves her....

We have done nothing but fight for these last 6 months...although there have been a few good days in there...some days he tries hard and some days he does nothing...he just seems misaerable in this house but has never said he wanted to leave or that he watns a divorce...I forced him to get an apt. but he hasnt moved in (although he left last night after another night of me agging him-but I know he didnt want to...we agreed that him staying away for a few days would be good)

How do you move on from this? My biggest issue is that he has to work with this woman...how can I EVER beleive he will stop communicating at a friend level if he still has to get calls and emails from her rehgarding work issues?!?!? THis is a big part of my daily nagging...which I know is a BIG no no!!!

I do not even know if he is going ot come back home or not now...I am guessing he will use this week to spend time with her....or is wrong to assume that?

I would love to hear your thoughts since your experience is so similar...

how do I work with a man who has totally shut down, doesnt truly seem sorry for the hurt he has caused and wont discuss the problems that caused him to stray in the first place?

thank you!!!

i am a newbie here....and have alot of my own issues...but for klb I truly sympathize with what you are going through....I am going through a similar situation, but my WH is being pretty receptive to talking and doing things together while we figure out what we are doing...

I just feel like you have done way more than needed and need to concentrate your efforts on you. If my WH was doing those things to me I would not put an ounce of time into it, especially since there are no children involved. I a only trying as hard at mine as I am for the sake of my 2yo dd.....otherwise I would leave.

I would really like to see you step back and concentrate on you. It seems like he has already moved on or decided he doesnt want this right now. He may just want that space...in the past I have been through a similar situation and when I stopped contacting the man he came back about 3 months later begging to have me back...but by then I had moved on to my current husband....a decision I will never forget....

Concentrate on your running and business...you will get a much better response to your self esteem by concentrating on yourself!

Whatever you decide to do....just keep doing for you as your main priority!! I am not sayign close the door on him, but just keep it open a little less..you never knwo what new doors may open if you do!!!!!

Thanks Jill...

Welcome to MB...it sucks that we have to be here. I discovered MB in June, about a month after my WH dropped the bomb on me and left. It has been a great resource and a place to vent.

This has been a very hard summer for me, one that I wish I could erase out of my life but I continue to plug away on what is positive. I am having trouble learning how to flip that "off switch" so I can stop thinking of my H and more about me. My entire life in San Diego has been with him as he was the first person I met here....plus, he is the first guy I have been with intimately and the first guy I have ever loved. It is hard to let go of hope but you are right, I am sick of doing all the kind gestures. If you read His Needs, Her Needs by Harley, you'll learn about the love bank. I have been doing all the depositing into his while mine is deeply in debt and suffering big time. Ugh.

I hope things go better for you and your H...everyone says time, time, time. I am just sick of waiting for what my heart is starting to think is inevitable. My friends and family all hate to see the hurt and pain my WH has caused me and doubt every action of his...it will be hard for WH to gain the respect from my network of support if we do ever get back together.

Have a great day

-K

Just adding things up....WH went out of town this weekend. He started his affair last year around this time...stated that his flame had moved in January. Let me guess where this "out of town" adventure was? It was probably to celebrate their one year anniversary of the fling. Picturing them together is making me nauseous all over again...I can't afford to lose weight or strength a couple weeks before Hawaii. Ugh.

My H is probably saying to his new love that he will file the papers after my Ironman to try to be nice. I think he is revealing the inevitable, a divorce from me, which is devastating, absolutely crushing. My heart is all broken again...I don't know if I can trust love ever again. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

God, it is going to be a rough day.

-K

I hope I didn't LB with this e-mail but it was sent...I guess I am in plan B now.

"Hi S,

Changed cable bill...you'll be getting my partial refund because I paid the bill under your name and then switched names. Also, I need you to call SBC 18003102355 to authorize me taking over the account...they can't change it without your authorization. You ended our joint account at SD Credit Union right? I am just cleaning out the place as I may be moving in the next several months or so. I have old checks and the old card...just need to know.

Hope you had a good weekend. Where did you go? It is important that I know how to get in contact with you in case of emergency.

I wish you would share more with me. I guess I need you to be honest with me...are you in love with another woman right now? I feel like you are hiding a lot from me and that hurts. Is this woman the same gal from last fall? I realize that your anniversary of the affair is probably right around this time so perhaps you were celebrating with her this weekend? This comment, "Best of luck to you in all aspects of your life" suggests that you really don't want to have any contact with me at this point. Is this the case, I guess I need to know because I desire to spend more time with you as I finish Ironman training and move on to other aspects of my life. I love you and always will as I stated on our wedding day, I will be with you "thru good times and bad times". And, as you already know, I desire to work through this rough spot in our marriage. However, I do not desire to be an added stress in your life right now as I really want you to find happiness in life.

Love always & forever,

K

Please fogless, 2scared, any other FWH some advice,

An EA with OW at work has been going on since Jan 2004. I suspected and confronted in April. In July I stayed at a relatives house for 2 weeks and he asked me to move back. I did. But the EA continued. At this point I hadn't changed - I still had some LBs. Then Aug 1st - the day after we celebrated our 10th anniversary, I moved to a different city (30 miles north) into an apt.

We talked every day - sometimes twice a day. He initiated most of the calls. After two weeks - we met and I spent the night at home (we ml). I went back to the apt for the rest of the month, although about twice a week I'd go back and we ml and I'd spent the night.

During this time - mid Aug - the OW left and found a new job. From the cell phone bill, I saw that he was initating most of the calls. I thought it was starting to wind down - or at least she was moving on - she has a boyfriend of 2 years.

So I moved back end of Aug. I started plan A'ing my butt off. But it wasn't too difficult, he was coming home from work on time and we were spending evenings together. And I liked the changes I had made - they made ME happy. And I started praying and reading the Bible everyday - and so I was/am getting my strength and peace and patience from God.

He definitely notice the changes in me and likes them. But he waivers back and forth on whether he still wants to be married. He has email and phone contact with the OW. An occasionally face to face contact.

After he went out Sat night until 2:30am - and met with a group of colleagues (single men) the OW included, I asked him on Sun if he would stop all contact with the OW.

He doesn't know why he should have to stop contact - he wants to still be her friend. He is unwilling to have NC.

He has told this women he loves her and wants to marry her. He knows I know this. But he insists that he's not choosing between me and her, he's trying to figure out of he still wants to be married or wants to be single.

He said at the beginning of this talk - that before I brought it up - that he was thinking about last night and that the single scence really sucks. Then he said he knows what he's doing is wrong. He sat down on the floor at my feet during the talk and touched my leg repeatedly. He said that he's glad we talked about this.

He admits that this OW does not want the same things out of life that he does. That she is involved with her boyfriend and that she has basically chosen him over my H. Yet he still pursues her - sends her flowers, writes poems, calls her, etc.

We still ml during all this - in fact he says it's the best its ever been. He still says I love you to me.

Where do I go from here ?
And any insight into what he is thinking ?
Please any advice is welcome.
Thanks so much.

Not very hopeful anymore...here is his response BUT I think I may have opened some doors by my response (see below)...thoughts?

"K,
As I have stated from the get go, I am ready to move on with my life. I have told you to try and do the same, though it seems like you are still holding onto hope. No I was not out with the girl from before, I told you that ended a long time ago and she doesn't even live in the state anymore. I have however gone out on dates, as I mentioned to you before. I hope soon you will be able to try and find new men in your life. You are a great person and need to let other people in to see that. I know you will find love again, though it may be hard to imagine right now.

My statement about good luck was not a statement to make you think I never wanted to speak to you again. But as I've said in the past, it is not a good idea for us to talk too much early on, as it seems to give you false hope. I want you to be able to move on, not dwell on the past.

Thanks,
-S"

MY RESPONSE:
Hi S,

I am hurt that you won't communicate with me what we could work on as a couple to help improve our marriage. You spent a year struggling internally with a lot of emotions but never let me in to know what bothered you about our marriage. An affair can be catastrophic to a marriage but it does not need to be. The affair reveals some major flaws in the marriage that can be worked on to strengthen the bond, the connection that made our relationship with each other unique. Never before had either of us considered marriage with any of our other partners and that makes our bond special. And it also makes me believe that our marriage can not only be saved but also can become one that all envy. I don't believe you are fully at fault for what has happened this past year to our marriage but the affair did not help some underlying issues we should have confronted each other about early on. In reading our journal, I believe our troubles began about 6 months into our marriage. I think reality set in at this point. I was ecstatic about you going after a career dream yet was very discontent about not feeling the same affection nor feeling like I was a priority when you began the academy. I remember crying when you skipped out on our trip to Boston that year yet also beaming with pride when you graduated from the academy. As you spent time away, I started networking more to improve my business and also got involved with triathlon. Unlike prior to our marriage when our social ties intertwined with activities we both enjoyed, we had separate social settings and separate activities that we enjoyed. I became focused on trying to qualify for Hawaii as I discovered some success in triathlon and with the encouragement of the triathlon community and yourself, I pursued that with full force. You became focused on trying to enter the very difficult firefighting industry. We were both proud of each other's efforts but at the same time were both becoming discontent that we didn't socialize with the same groups nor were we enjoying the same activities as a couple that we used to. This should of been a RED FLAG to the both of us early on. We kept encouraging each other as married couples should and I was super proud of all your accomplishments but I was increasingly sad that there was some distance between us. We both came home tired from training/work and were both caught up in other lives that we did NOT fuflill each other's needs. I can tell you that I have a huge need for AFFECTION, COMMUNICATION, & HONESTY. I started to feel less affection from you and I sensed that you weren't being 100% honest in your communication with me. Thus, you started to see me cry a lot more. You know I am a very sensitive, emotional gal...always have been. This is something that will never change. I hurt because I saw our lives diverting and I missed you so much. But by this time, there was an affair going on which was driving you emotionally and physically away from me. You sought out someone to fulfill some of your emotional needs...most likely the affection I wasn't giving you 100% as I did when we first bonded, the physical satisfaction from another woman who gave you that affection, and someone to hang out with and enjoy common activities like we once had. S, these are things I want to fulfill because you are the LOVE OF MY LIFE, the MAN I want to spend my life with. I don't want to train for Ironman when you are not in the picture. I miss spending time doing things we both enjoy...like sleeping in, running, going to concerts, hanging out with friends, walking on the beach, watching movies, and most of all loving each other. I want to communicate some of new things we can explore and take these adventures as a couple. I not saying that we won't have certain activites that we'll want to seek out individually BUT I want to focus on the activities that make us both happy. I would hope that these are things that you'd be willing to try for the sake of our marriage. And I think it should be taken in a slow manner...occasionally having lunch together, going to see a movie, listening to a concert, heading out for a run. I think the possibility of rediscovering the love we have for each other is GREAT. Love may fade which is why I know you don't feel like you are "in love" with me anymore BUT it never goes away completely. All I ask of you is that you give us a chance. Think about these words I have spoken today. There is no hurry. I am still wearing my wedding rings in honor of you, the man I love. I love you and will stay true to you, my love for you, our marriage until I believe there is no chance for us. I don't wish to seek out another relationship right now because my heart believes in us. There is a reason why I have stuck around despite the hurtful actions of this past year. Again, I have no time frame as to how we should go about this. I just want to sit down and communicate our inner most thoughts, things that we should have talked about long before our marriage came to this point. I think spending some time together yet still living separately will allow us to really evaluate whether or not we believe our marriage will work.

Love always and forever,

K

HIS RESPONSE:
K,

For now just focus on your umcoming race. It is the goal you have been going after for years now. We can talk about our relationship after your race is over.

-S

THOUGHTS???? I feel like I am holding onto hope that my WH doesn't have for our marriage. It is so hard! I think before I leave for Hawaii Ironman, I will send him Harley's "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs" to read; hopefully he'll read them so when I get back, we'll have something to talk about.

Me: 28 yo faithful wife of 3.5 years
Him: almost 31 yo unfaithful H who had 4 month affair last fall, ended it in Jan '04, dropped bomb and left me May '04. He is dating, I am not. I seem to do all the work in our recovery and am starting to lose hope <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> We have NO kids nor property that we own. I am holding onto my first love and what I believe can be a great marriage if only he would be willing...

kjb,

Sounds like it's been a long day for you... I'm sorry his emails have been so discouraging, but don't get discouraged yet!!!!

I think the emails you sent today were perfect, and I think sending him the books is a good idea. Now he may not read them entirely, but if he just flips through them a bit and starts to read bits and pieces it will be a start...

My opinion, for now, step back, focus on your training, have no contact with him until you return. Take care of yourself for now, he is not going anywhere and may just rattle his cage a bit if you completely ignore him...

fogless...

So you think I should send the books now or later...a few others (see WH responds thread) said not to send the book, that it will drive him further away. I agree that No contact for now is necessary...do you think I should send a postcard from Hawaii or call him upon my return or let him wonder. How long should I do this? Or I guess I should do this until he comes to me???

Thanks!

amy,

Your H is draining in the fog, and as much as you may think it's easy to emerge, it's not...

I said some of the same things during my fog days, and at times could not beleive what I was saying myself. In my opinion, the EA affair is harder to break free from, even more so if there was a PA as well. For me I don't miss the sex with OW, but the emotional contact is different. Add the work situation to the mix and you have a powerful cocktail!!!

I can tell you from experience, working with the OW is HARD.. We (the OW and I) try and avoid each other as much as possible, but we have to have contact almost daily. Some days are easier than others, but in the end I know I must find another job.. I know everyday I leave for work that it just adds pain to my wife's already weakend heart.... But we move forward each day..

Trust me, he is not trying to decide if he wants to be single, NO married man that has a half way decent M wants to be single again, (can't speak for women). What he is trying to decide is can he leave his wife and be happy, can he be happy with OW, etc. etc.

I may have missed it, do you have children??
Are the 2 of you still at home??
Is there a PA between them yet???

Continue your plan A attack....
You know the one thing I remember during everything is that my W never stopped telling me how much she loved me, how much she wanted to make things work, and that she would do whatever it took to make things better....

Hope some of my fogless babble helps...

fogless...

FOGLESS!!!

I posted this earlier...but really wanted to hear from you if you think there is hope here since your situation is EXACTLY what I am dealing with here:

I would love to hear a little more from FOGLESS if you are out there....my story in a nutshell is I found out about WH in March, it was an EA with a coworker that he still has to work with. He told me it was over several times over the last few months and it never was...he has been lying all along...He works from home most of the time so I know there has not been a lot of physical contact but there has been excessive emails, phone calls and text messages-and a couple of dinners, but he has written emails claiming he loves her....

We have done nothing but fight for these last 6 months...although there have been a few good days in there...some days he tries hard and some days he does nothing...he just seems misaerable in this house but has never said he wanted to leave or that he watns a divorce...I forced him to get an apt. but he hasnt moved in (although he left last night after another night of me agging him-but I know he didnt want to...we agreed that him staying away for a few days would be good)

How do you move on from this? My biggest issue is that he has to work with this woman...how can I EVER beleive he will stop communicating at a friend level if he still has to get calls and emails from her rehgarding work issues?!?!? THis is a big part of my daily nagging...which I know is a BIG no no!!!

I do not even know if he is going ot come back home or not now...I am guessing he will use this week to spend time with her....or is it wrong to assume that? He claims he hasnt talked to her outside of work for a few weeks...

I would love to hear your thoughts since your experience is so similar...

how do I work with a man who has totally shut down, doesnt truly seem sorry for the hurt he has caused and wont discuss the problems that caused him to stray in the first place?

thank you!!!

jill,

See post I sent to amy, some of it fits your situation...

The co-worker relationship is a killer, because it's very hard to do the NC.

So here's my thoughts...
Part of the EA is loving the OW, that may hurt but I had to tell my W as well. What your H has to understand is that it's a different kind of love, love not based on reality, not based on years of sharing, not based on the children you have, etc.
Stop the nagging about the work situation and start a MAJOR plan A, nothing can done about the work situation until a new job is found, which can be frustrating, (this is really hard on my W)... It's sometimes hard to have JUST a business conversation with someone that you know on a very personal basis, it's hard to not try and be a friend to that person, etc.

Ask your H to come home, tell him you understand that he has to work with OW for now but that new employment must be found. Ask him if he will tell you about any non-business contact at work with OW. I do this for my W..

Let him know your ready to do whatever it takes to make your M work, that the A is just an eye opener for you to build your M into something much better than it was. With a good plan A you will see your WH start to ease out of the FOG, and things will improve from there...

Hope some of my fogless babble helps (and makes sense)...

fogless..

Thank you fogless for your reply. Your insight is helping so many people.

We've been married 10 years - no kids. I am 99% sure that nothing physical has happened except a kiss. But that information is from him. So how do I know ?

We live together and sleep in the same bed. Active sex life. Spend evenings together. Go out occassionally - but not like we used to.

The OW did leave the job mid August. So they have not worked together since then. But the OW and my H have a mutual friend at the same place my H works - so that's how they get together.

We had a wonderful marriage up until this Jan. - He was always saying he loved me - waking up in the middle of the night - spooning me and saying how much he loved me. We've always talked about the future plans and how he would chase me around in his walker trying to get "some". He said Sunday night that he would not trade any of the years we've had together.

We were married when we were 23 (him) and 24 (me). He says that maybe he didn't get dating and single life out of his system. How could he have feelings for OW when he should only have them for me ? Maybe he wasn't wired to be married... etc. But he does say he loves me. Doesn't want to hurt me.

He goes back in forth on committing to the marriage and then he makes contact with OW and says he misses and adores her and write poems to her. He stopped using "love" a few weeks ago - at least in his emails. He said he wanted things to work between us just two weeks ago.

Last night when we talked about NC, I called him weak for letting things get so far as to fall in love with OW. Was that bad ? I'm wondering if I should apologize for that. I also said I was put in the same position of temptation a couple years ago and I did not betray him. I said Maybe I'm too good for you. I could tell he was feeling bad. But that probably pushes him right into OW's understanding talks, right ?

I don't believe she's ever said she's loved him. Although she's said "I think I'm falling for you" to him.

So keep plan A'ing. Saying I love you back. Say I want this to work.

The things your wife said to you in your post - Did those words from your wife make you feel more guilty ?

Did they help you come out of the fog? Or just know that when you did come out she would be there for you ?

Did you lose respect for her during your fog because she was acting like a doormat?

We are going to a cabin up in the mtns this week - would you suggest no M or R talk ? Just go there and have fun.

Amy

kjb,

I think it's fine to send the books, you know there is no silver bullet that will work for everyone, we are all different...

I would send them now with a short note letting him know you want to work things out and that these books have really helped. Hopefully he will at least look over them and find them helpful. Based on his emails, I don't think you will push him any further away...

After that I would not contact him. Wait and see what happens after you return before deciding on the next step...

Mail the books, forget about it and go run your A$$ off... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope my fogless babble has helped....

fogless...

Thanks Fogless...yes it is time to focus only on me for now. There are less than three weeks until I cross that covenanted Ironman finishline in Kona with a big grin on my face ( :

I will send the books and put him on ignore. My friends and family are in utter shock as to how WH is treating me...they are seeing a very ugly side of him right now and are 2nd guessing whether or not he really is deserving of my love. I love him and as I stated in my e-mail to him, I won't give up on our marriage until I feel like we have given us a chance to work on things that lead to this mess. I don't recognize the man I married right now and really hope that he comes to his senses soon for the sake of our future together.

Have a great evening ( :

-K

fim,

I have followed some of your posts for awhile, will admit I have not read much lately...

Your H is still heavily FOGGED!!! Your right he is at the crossroads where he is trying to decide what he wants, to stay or go.. Now this really sucks for the BS because if you really want to make your M work you just have to sit and wait for WH to come to his senses, and he will but how long will it take. I will say this much, as long as he can have his cake and eat it to, he will...

You asked..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What made the difference to you as a WH? What made you decide to initiate NC and to stay with your S? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Honestly it was not one thing that happened, it was not one thing she said, it was everything she said, everything she did.. It was being away from my boys for a week, not seeing them off before school, etc. It was knowing how confused I would make everyone's life by leaving.. and then deep down leaving was not really what I wanted, just what I thought I wanted.

There is no answer to his question "around the corner", he knows the answer, he just has to find the courage to commit to you and your M. Easier said than done for the WH in the A, remember he is trying to keep peace at both ends, and he is afraid to hurt the OW by going NC.

Trust me, your H is not feeling anything I have not felt, I know he says he is in love and yes he does have very strong "love" feelings for her, but like I said in another post, it's not the love of a marriage, love that is built day after day. Your H just has to realize this and hope that you are still willing to have him back...

If the counseling is helping, stay in it.. Remind your H daily what a great family and life you guys have together. OK so maybe there were some issues before the A, now is the time to work together and make the M even better.

Having him read these post is a great thing. What was his reactions to this thread, to our comments??? If he would like to talk to someone who has been there I will be glad to give you an email address...

Hope some of my fogless babble helps...

fogless

K-

I've just been lurking tonight (and licking my wounds from the scathing email I got for VERY angry W). Fogless is doing great!

Anyway, I just want to tell you that your attitude it great! Positive, upbeat, focused, and patient.

I think the books will be great with a short note about how much they helped you (don't lecture about how much HE needs them). Then shift your attention to getting mentally ready for Kona. You have to be on top of the world mentally. I'm excited for you!

Good luck! Keep posting!

2scared

How is this note? I will send it along with the books the day I leave for Kona and will let him sit on all the info as long as he needs while I try to focus on myself for once. If it drives him further away, oh well, I will continue to confide in friends and family and let him sit a bit longer. He knows how I feel and now it is time for him to wonder what I am up to.

"Hi S,

Hope all is well. I wanted to share these books with you as they have helped me to cope and learn a lot about myself as well as relationships in general. I have filled some of the worksheets at the end of the book which also helped in self discovery. Anyways, I think you may find the books interesting.

Love always and forever,

K"


It will be interesting to see if he even calls me to wish me luck in Hawaii or to see how the race went. I am doubtful right now, but perhaps distance apart, giving him space to soak in all his ugly actions towards me and the nice gestures I have sent despite these actions will motivate him to get off his a** and take a more mature approach to confronting our marital problems.

FYI...if you would like to follow my progress in Kona, log onto www.ironmanlive.com . Last name Brown, initials KB, age 28, live in San Diego ( : How's that for anonymity (ha)? The race is on October 16th and it starts at 7am Hawaiian time (5 hours earlier than midwest). My goal is to cross that finishline on Alii Drive with a huge smile on my face. I am sick of crying and having a frown on my face. I know I haven't had the most ideal training conditions this summer with my own version of a soap opera (I HATE SOAP OPERAS) and consequent emotional rollercoaster but I am sure the energy of the Hawaiian gods will help me finish the 140 mile adventure <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />