Being a slight buttinskiee here, But as it is on current topic:

Kiwi are you still pis**d at me too??

And not to speak for her, but IMO, yes ....she means it. (I'm sure she'll correct me if I'm wrong).

Thanks KB, you've calmed me down. Yes, all, I was very, genuinely p'd.

Not from the threadjack (Top Rope of course I'm still not p'd at you - I never was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) but from having to defend myself on my own thread and then having to defend my PARENTS for Pete's sake. Talking about my father is still very painful. I adored him, my kids adored him, Rob adored him, my mother adored him, his client's (he was a lawyer) adored him. Of course, he wasn't perfect and I'm not setting him up for sainthood now he's not here, but he (along with my mother of course) gave my sister and I a wonderfully happy childhood.

I think this thread just pushed a few too many buttons all at once for me.

Jen

Knewbetter,
Now I'm the one that's friggin' offended! Speaking of condescending. How you can sit there a infer that I "won't" get over it.

Maybe if I had a FWW like Jen (Sorry Jen this isn't a proposal)I'd feel better about myself, my marriage and my future.

This post has been edited at the advice of an attorney friend

Mac

<small>[ September 01, 2004, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

Mac, I think you've finally reached where you've been heading for quite a while.

I sound so un-MB saying this but not every marriage is going to survive. I said it before a couple of posts ago - this goes deeper with you and your w than the A.

KB wasn't being condescending IMHO(usually my spelling's pretty good but I'm not sure about that one) I think she hit a pretty big nerve.

I don't know, Mac, I don't want to give you the wrong advice (I'm more comfortable raving on about myself as you well know because I have a horror of giving someone advice they may act upon and it turns out that I've completely destroyed their life). Ultimately, it's your life and your marriage and you'll make your own decision.

Jen

<small>[ September 01, 2004, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

MAC saw your post before the edit including the part you edited where you blamed ME for causing you to decide on divorce. Come on!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Your temper tantrums have been a problem since the beginning of your marriage and also on this board. It was wise to edit out the history revision and the fury directed at someone you don't even know, someone who is only trying to help you mend. You wouldn't want anything to skew your "perfect Plan A" husband facade after all especially if you follow through with your threats. Good luck, Mac.

H
2#%%%

<small>[ September 01, 2004, 07:52 PM: Message edited by: KalGal ]</small>

Jen, You posted to MAC, as you call him, with concern about how he's getting on. I was waiting for someone to do that. His bomb shell announcement of a week earlier seemed to die away with hardly anyone responding. I responded.

So I responded to your thread, to him. I was talking thru some of the insights that I was having about my H and he seemed to think applied to his wife.

Meantime you didn't seem to be hitting much of a nerve with him. Eventually you responded. "lets talk about surfing".

You came back at me that what I said didn't apply to you. I was glad to hear it. Feed back helps me to learn how accurate or inaccurate my thinking is. I hadn't read your response when I wrote back to cwm, where I mused further about disconnectedness. You probably didn't read it but in the follow up thread, I was already beginning to see disconnectedness as a less important issue. Btw, I first picked this thought up from comments from WS's on MB's - and Together Alone (BS) had some good comments about it in her FOG thread. By putting it out there again and again, you get feed back as to how universal the problem is or isn't. Actually I don't see being raised independant or by strict, or distant parents as a sin. It's just the way it is for some people and I thought it might have bearing on WS behavior. Seems you had a loving supporting family. Weren't you lucky. But I find it hard to understand how someone can take the security and love they have in their established family setting and set it aside for something very shallow and transitory. e.g. my H. I want to understand what my H did. This is my way of dealing it.

I had no intention of stealing your thread. I was happily joining in with the theme of it, which was to help cwm. He seemed to respond well to what I was saying. I suspect his personality type might be similar to my own. Hence I thought that telling him how I was nutting it out, might give him a new tool to use. Coz, basically, in spite of all KB's kind words, she's a WS - and there's nothng like talking with someone in the same boat to find out how they are managing to keep rowing.

::::Sounds like your H is doing the groveling, pleading, placating and a** kissing that you feel is your due.

And comments like this are an example of the lack of understanding of another's recovery.

I am sorry that this thread turned to being about me. It was not my intention. You cheered KB on when she turned the thread in my direction and now you throw down your bat and ball and run off home pouting, why? Coz I don't recall saying anything nasty about your father!

KB, I don't think I should comment on your response as Jenny wants her thread back and I have assumed a wrongful place here. Can we continue to discuss it further sometime in a more appropriate thread? I would like to explain why some of what you said doesn't always work. I think the crux of your comments were about forgiveness and maybe that's what we can focus on in future discussions. Dare I say it though? I have read that understanding is the key to acceptance - and acceptance is a form of forgiveness. That's where I'm at.

ps will also read that other thread you recommended I read. Time has prevented me from doing so as yet.

AN

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by anyname:
<strong> Coz, basically, in spite of all KB's kind words, she's a WS - and there's nothng like talking with someone in the same boat to find out how they are managing to keep rowing. AN </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, I have to come clean. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> The post is not mine. H and I were having coffee this morning and talking over the thread and he was laying out his opinion so beautifully that I asked him if I could type it up as a post. So he dictated and I typed.

It's the first time we've ever worked together on a post and I felt that because I did want to be sensitive to your's and MAC's feelings it would be better to give my H as the BS, full rein. So you see, you were actually reading the words of a RECOVERED BS.

I didn't mean to be deceptive but rather was attempting to give you something of value not realizing it was going to be dismissed simply because I am a FWS. 95% of the post is from the mouth of a betrayed spouse, mine. Only the first paragraph to Jen is mine.

I feel badly, almost like you might feel that you got tricked but we never meant it that way and neither of us certainly EVER expected MAC's reaction. I was so shocked, I'm afraid I lost my cool.

Jen is right, I shouldn't have taken it to heart but actually, I took it as an offense to my H and NOBODY messes with my H! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I do respect your feelings Anyname, and hope that we can continue this discussion. I've always considered you a "thinking woman" and I hate to see you get hung up on something. If I can be of any help to you in anyway, you know I'll be there for you.

Funny, thinking back on how we first crossed paths.....and here we are. I hope you'll forgive me for my portion of today's debacle. Friends? KB

^^Bump for Anyname^^