I'm was still having so much trouble coping with my H's ONS. I was still having outbursts and sneak attacks on Him. I would be in the middle of something and just start crying. I knew something was wrong and I couldn't cope. I even told my sis what happened (which I shouldn't have) Even though she is very supportive and loves my H & I very much I shouldn't have burdened her with my problems.
So after coming in from a morning jog and seeing my H (he works from home sometimes) I started to cry again. I decided I needed help. I needed help to cope and heal.
I went to our health plan site and found a counsler, deals with couples,marriage and family therapy and he's first name is my H's name(weird right?) I wanted to select a male b/c I want to try and understand from a male point of view as to "WHY"
I almost cancelled b/c on the phone interview he said "to see if this marriage is worth saving" But I went anyway...I was so sad, so upset and he calmed me down. We talked and talked and I really opened up. Afterwards I felt such a great weight was taken off my shoulders. I felt better and more secure in myself. He said, as noodle and others on this site have said You are in control of you.
I can make me whole again not H, not anyone else. I am a strong person that may have given up some control, has allowed others to control, has allowed disrespect and this may have contributed to the ultimate betrayal from my H. Just before I left the counsler said it's like the song and I said "I'm not a perfect person...?" (refering to H) and he said no "the first wound is the deepest" This made me realize it's not about H it's about me and my hurt. how I have to deal with it and how I can choose the way I respond and how I need to change. I will work on changing me and making my R with H about love and RESPECT. I will find it in my heart the forgiveness that we need to move forward.
Now I think I got alot out of this one IC then even the therapist thinks...He said some pretty off the wall stuff but what the heck he's a man and he has same name as my H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
R
