This morning my son told me that G/F is moving in with Dad.
He called a few minutes later and I asked him if it was true. He said they were discussing it.
When I became emotional he started yelling at me about how everything is my fault. Im the one who messed up reconciliation. I hate how he rewrites history.
He says that if they decide for her to move in that he will be taking our son every other week and she will take care of him in the AM and take him to school. I am devestated. Right now I have our Son every weekday due to Husbands job.
Im afraid. Im heartbroken.
I know logically I need to go see an attorney and find out my rights. He doesnt help me with finances. Im afraid if I move forward with legal things that will set him off and he will get ugly with me. I could end up a big loser with seeing my son.

Right now Im heading into MB and reading my butt off until I feel better and have some idea which way to turn.....

cookies...
this is no time to go belly up..

you got some serious work to do...
and number one job is protecting your child from his chaos.....

newsflash to your husband...he can't really have a girlfriend he's married...

YOUR JOB is to protect your son from the other person on this planet who is hurting him your husband...

so you MUST MUST go to a lawyer and figure out what rights you have to blocking not his exposure to his dad...but his twisted exposure to a girlfriend...

this IS your job cookie..
this IS your motivation
this IS what you must do...

You also must read and get yourself in to a good strong plan A in which you draw your husband back to wanting to be with you..

that means
you get in control of your emotions to the best best of your abilities...

that you quit all power struggling with insane notions like him getting 50 50 custody etc...

time for you to get focused cookie..
people here will help you
are you up for it..

ARK

Also you need a serious grownup to grownup discussion about NOT putting a CHILD in position of knowing daddy MIGHT move in with a girlfriend...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

children are not our sounding boards
or our buddies..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

ark

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:02 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

I know I need to pull myself together. I couldnt even go to work today. Just stayed home and had a huge cry fest. I did call a mediator and make an appt. When H called ( he calls me a million times a day) I told him when our appt was and what he needed to bring. He said I dont want to go into this angry and fighting. I said Im not angry and fighting. Im sad. Im allowed to feel sad over our family. He said that who knows what the future held and we could possible work it out someday. I stopped him and said enough. If you are moving your G/F into our home, its pretty safe to say that working it out isnt going to happen. He said he would talk to me tonite.

I have never denied him time with our son. I have bent over backwards to make sure he has as much time and access to our son as possible.

I need to get ahold of myself and buck up. I KNOW THIS!
I just need to figure out how not to get so emotional and just fall apart over this crap.

OK here we go..

NO RELATIONSHIP TALK...none nadda zippo not a peep not a squeak not a wimper
...
not a question
not an inquisition
not an enquiring minds want to know..

you will speak no word of the status of the relationship...
none

he calls me a million times a day)

you need to decrease this interaction to one to two calls at the most a day..
you two are thriving and feeding off of this pattern and dance of blame and emotion..
it is known to both of you.
it is comfortable
he calls
you are emotional
he knows your exactly where he wants you...
time to stop your participation...

your goal
inspite of and regardless of him is to begin to be a totally new person in a totally new state of mind...

you do this by taking control of each and every contact...maintaining control and building on it each time you accomplish..
if you are getting emotional and or sarcastic...
If you are moving your G/F into our home, its pretty safe to say that working it out isnt going to happen

no more of that at all...

you want to get his attention
respond and be exactly who and what he does not expect...

no need to talk tonight...
none at all..

ARK

I did it!!
He stopped by yesterday and I didnt say a word about relationships. I could tell he was waiting for it but didnt happen. He asked if he could play with our son for a little while I said of course, why dont you and he walk over to the park until dinner. They did. He didnt stay for dinner, said he was tired and wanted to take a shower. We said good bye and he left.
He called at bedtime and my son answered the phone. They talked and I didnt go anywhere near the phone.
After I got out of the shower this AM there were 3 missed calls from him. I pushed his number and gave the phone to my son, they chatted and hung up. Phone rings a few minutes later and I answer. He wanted to know why I wasnt talking to him. Did I not want to speak to him anymore. I told him I was getting son ready for school/work. No other reason. Just rushing around. He said he would call me later.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
It is hard as hell, but I can do this.

cookies build on each time you make it through without being emotional

without being needy...

ask him things he doesnt' expect..

Are you eating well

Are you sleeping...followed with I worry about how you are sometimes..
about your health...etc...

make the home inviting..but make yourself scarce if he is over....
be a little allusive

ARK