First I want to apologize to anyone I may have offended in my earlier posts. I was seeking an outlet for my pain and may have chosen inappropriately. Please do not hold my blunders against me. I'm a broken shell and meant no harm to the only people that I would call "friends of my M"; the good people on this site.

Today has been very difficult and I know what it is. It's the fact I had to speak to her on Saturday when she visited with our S in our home. Seeing her in our home again gave me false hope and sent me whirling back on that rollercoaster. I cannot let her manipulate me again and will take steps in the future not to have any contact with her whatsoever. I feel as if I'm only fooling myself, she won't tell any of my childre where she is staying, or me for that matter so I deduce it's with OM or OMP's. How can our family compete with OM and OMP's all telling her to do what makes her happy. My W, OM and OMP's do not care that my children are suffering and that I am suffering. This is a test beyond belief. I guess I always figured this only a temporary issue, to test my love for my W and my resolve. I fear that is far more than just a test, but the last chapter in a very painful struggle. I am at a lost for solutions. I'm in Plan B and dark. I will not contact her. I struggle to pretend to be happy while my son runs out to check on me and looking for signs of love every 15 minutes. I'm all he has now. I will do my best. I guess I could never fathom a mother abandoning her children and her H for anyone or anything. I feel like a fool and my optimism is dwindling, as is my hope.

Will the rollercoaster ever end? I beg for this to all end, either my marriage or my pain. I welcome a resolution and an end to this torment finally once and for all, still there's nothing I can do except file for divorce. Will filing for divorce end my pain or help my children? Probably not, I am so disappointed in my W it's beyond belief, a nightmare for my family and the severing of a family. How can she look in the mirror and smile in the mornings to her co-workers disguising her cruel actions and selfishness behind a template of moral standing. I am crushed and searching for the strength to ensure these children feel that they have at least on parent that loves them enough to stay loving them always.


FM

{{{{{{FamilyMatters}}}}}}

I wish so bad I could take all your pain right now, as I am feeling peaceful and could handle it...my shoulders are now strong. I will do as His Holiness The Dalai Lama (sp) says and visualise your pain flowing into my heart, and little peaceful happy hearts flowing back into yours to replace your pain.

When my pain was great after the deaths of my parents I would walk around the house talking to God, saying "God please take away my pain", over and over again. Sometimes I wourld recite the Lords Prayer or the 23rd Psalms, all the versus I knew by heart. And sometimes I would have to memorize more to keep my mind busy.

It works FamilyMatters, try it until you feel some peace.

Weaver

Thank you Weaver I will try.

FM,

You were faithful in your end of the relationship...Hold your head up high. You were faithful in 2 years of Plan A...Once again, hold your head up high! Now, two weeks into plan B your ready to give up and DV? You are a strong man of God. Hold on to your faith. Yes, the pain and loneliness is intense! Yes, the darkness scares the heck out of all of us. Yes, the emotional pain rips you in half...BUT, you can do this. Step back, take a deep breath and realize this is a marathon not a sprint. You have already showed everyone you in this for the long haul.

Now is the time to find something to do. An old hobby, old friends, movies, ANYTHING. You will have to make yourself at first, but it does get easier. At first your just trying to make the clock move faster. But let me assure you, the sun will rise tomorrow.

For me, Luke 15 was my strength. The lost sheep was so scared and didn't have the ability to even take a step... the Good Shepherd came and found the sheep and PUT IT ON HIS SHOULDERS and carried it back to safety. Let God carry you brother. Let Him carry you.

Take a deep breath. You CAN do this. Stay strong for your son...and take care of YOU.

2scared

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FamilyMatters:
First I want to apologize to anyone I may have offended in my earlier posts. I was seeking an outlet for my pain and may have chosen inappropriately. Please do not hold my blunders against me. I'm a broken shell and meant no harm to the only people that I would call "friends of my M"; the good people on this site.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK...Now we *all* know how that wall felt! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously, didn't seem so bad..only 3 posts on that thread anyway. Stop [whack] beating [whack] yourself up! [whack] That's why you have MB! [whack] Oh shut up everyone--it's my new nerf 2X4!

Hopefully, right now, FM is resting his head, knowing he's got two beautiful children in the next rooms. And knowing he's a strong, kind, intelligent, loving, all-around "good-guy" that fell into this test of "whateverdom" and *will* pass with flying colors. (And a huge-a$$ heart to boot! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

And when FM wakes, he will wake to know that he is blessed with a new day. Yeah, with pain. But a *new* day. For FM to do with what he can do with it.

Take this opportunity and run with it. You have little control over what your W does, so don't let her drag you down too. (Yeah, I know: "Easier said than done.") But you've shown with all of the bull$hit you've been through already, this, you can do for yourself.

Enjoy your new day, friend.

FM, you are at the butt end of a delivery of high volume injustice, BS, hurt, pain, fear and hopelessness.

What is NOT surprising is that it gets you down some days. What IS surprising is that you (from your posts here) seems to mostly be well adjusted, getting on, coping,not crushed, not dead.

I wince at your pain, 'cos I have days just like it. Its like we have a new organ just dedicated to expressing the pain of betrayal.

But you are allowed to be sad. Remember the last time you laughed ? You'll be there again real soon. Sadness, happiness, they're both imposters as we reel and recover from the filth of being a BS. We WILL become whole again.

Live, friend. {{{{FM}}}}

<small>[ August 31, 2004, 02:04 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

FM, just my 2cents here , but you are feeling more sadness in PLAN B , because you are afraid of the out of sight out of mind thing !

That is the fear of most when PLAN B starts out especially when you feel that you where thrown into it .

You feel like most here that at least when she was home you had alittle more control , that she had the reminder of you and kids in her face everyday . Right?

You could be right but you could be wrong , not knowing what will be the KEY thing that snaps her out of it , thats the pain the pain of the unknown .

You can only take care of the things you know .

When she was home she was not committed .
When she was home she was tempting you and baiting you into LB'ing .
When she was home she was cake eating .

Things you have to know now ......

YOu control your life .
You are a great farther.
You are not D cause its not what you want .
You can not tolerate your WW to share her time with another .

And the big one here ,, YOU BEEN DOING THIS WAY TO LONG !

Its time to get on with your life in PLAN B .

Yes there are days of sadness , your greving (spell that wrong LOL ) your M .

ARE YOU satisfied with every effort you made to save this M this far??? If so then you have no regrets .

So weather the M ends or she comes back YOU can look yourself in the mirror . Thats all that matters !

No matter what I ever did PLAN A, PALNB, 180 or even LB ... this is how I did it by saying am I being true to what I BELIVE and am I doing everything in my power to save my M ?

I am no poster child for MB , and I may have done things others didn't understand or agree with , but I did what I could what I knew I had to live with .

Stay the course , if you feel in your heart that this will save your M or end it with peace in your heart .
Ok I am rambling now so I will cut this off !

I agree 3isa..I'm going to go outside and take a huge breath of fresh air. Then I'm going to find the strength to pray for the strength to let this all go. The more I find out, the more turmoil I am in. I'm only hurting myself, there are no more words or actions on my part to be done. I have done everything that was in my power to do. My cards are on the table and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Thank you for your kind words. She is making the biggest mistake of 4 lives, Hers, our S and D and mine, but it's out of my control.

Dear GOD please grant me the grace dear LORD to lay my burdens down. To give this burden over to you. I admit Dear GOD that it is too heavy a burden for me to bear. I need your guidance, you love and direction. I submit to your will Oh LORD and will walk with faith that you will see my S & D through the trials that lie ahead. AMEN.

Time for some air now. I've cried enough for a while, time to let my GOD work in my life. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ August 31, 2004, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

FM

I think you have done so much more than many would if they found themselves in your situation, I'm really not sure I could or would for that matter.

Must hurt like hell. Wish I could do something to help you. I'll pray thats all I can think of doing.

But I can perhaps offer some very hard advice because I do this for a job, yep its easier to do this when you are not involved, I'm just as lost & confused as anyone else in my own situation.

Anyway, though you may feel this is tough to say something like this now pls dont think I am unfeeling or heartless, the trouble is, some partners or ex's are like that sometimes and will do things you would think impossible.
So I am advising that if you have not got it then seek sole custody of your children based on your WW abandonment and legal occupation of your house, even if its a rental.
I have seen unbelievable actions by ex's, male & female, so thats why I advise this.
At least seek the legal standing you have if you go no further so that if you have to start it you can do it immediately.

Then I guess you wait to see how plan B works?? New to me so I suspose this is all you can do.

Wish it could all come to a better end, maybe it will.

Aussie,
Yes I will do what I must do to protect myself and my children from W's actions. I agree I had done much, but since I have chose to do it, I can only assume it was not too much, Or I wouldn't have ...I hope that makes sense <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Don't worry, since I did an extremely long Plan A, I will be doing a somewhat shrunken version of Plan B unlike the specified 12-24 months documented in Harleys work. Time is definetly running out on my patience, my wifes poor decisions and this hurtful unrealistic, fantasy-ridden, child wounding, marriage destroying, irresponsible, unholy affair that my W is engaging in. I however will snuggle up to my Plan B itinerary and allow my faith to lead me and my GOD to handle it from here.

I have paid my penance, hey Bob?

I do feel very proud of myself for my stick-to-it-iveness and hope that one day I may apply it to other areas of my life, and if GOD sees fit to another mate. Who knows? This may all have been a learning experience after all? I hope not. I love happy endings, but what I am trying to accept is that regardless to my W's return or not, this may still be a happy ending.

Regards,

FM