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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions ARK^^ question

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ARK^^ question #1180172 08/31/04 01:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443 J Just a Husband Member
Just a Husband Member J Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443	Ark^^ you wrote "if you think your spouse is going to go out with op don't make it easy for them..don't watch the kids...make plans first...and leave him or her with the kids...etc" I have a question. This seems to contridict your previous suggestions. This weekend i have been invited to go upstate with my kids. I really dont want to ask WW to go. But i feel to plan A effectively i should. There will be others in my family there. The "others" in my fmaily are friends of OM. They are very upset at the recent happenings. In plan A i should invite her and have a good time with the kids but if she says no that she does not want to go then i fear that she will go and meet with OM. I know i cant control her and what she does nor should i try. How would you handle this?

Re: ARK^^ question #1180173 08/31/04 03:25 PM
Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906 A ark^^ Member
ark^^ Member A Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906	OFCOURSE you invite her... lovingly kindly... dear would love it for us to go together... cant control her ...if she goes to see OM..you can't be responsible for that... how uncomfortable for them though? you with OM friends.;...having a good time.. those two outcast and left out... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> sweet reality... ARK

Re: ARK^^ question #1180174 08/31/04 03:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443 J Just a Husband Member
Just a Husband Member J Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443	thanks for getting back to me. this is hard...very hard....i know she is going to say no and i will bet the farm on what is going to happen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Re: ARK^^ question #1180175 08/31/04 03:59 PM
Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906 A ark^^ Member
ark^^ Member A Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906	that's why you gotta vamp up your plan a... no matter how angry she is.. do what is right as a father as the man of the house you gotta show her that you know she is someone besides just the anger... if you stay home.. she can still meet him can't control that control what IS in your universe.. and draw in to your world... your world justa needs to be good and and fun and filled with family love... ark

Re: ARK^^ question #1180176 08/31/04 04:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443 J Just a Husband Member
Just a Husband Member J Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443	wow thanks i needed that

Re: ARK^^ question #1180177 09/01/04 05:59 AM
Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443 J Just a Husband Member
Just a Husband Member J Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443	Ark I am going to ask her to go. Last night WW went to gym at 6:30 and returned home at 10. She walks in the door and the first words out of her motuh were "why didnt i call her". Is she asking me to care? Actually i was about to call when she came home. I know she wasnt at the gym. I suspect that she was either with OM or she went to see an atty with her sister. Her sister is enabling the A as well as stepping in and acting like a caretaker to her. Her sister is very manipulative and I feel her involvment is more than meets the eye. Do you have any insight on this sibling thing? Do i keep being a whispering lighthouse? im even more confused now.

Re: ARK^^ question #1180178 09/01/04 09:26 AM
Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443 J Just a Husband Member
Just a Husband Member J Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443	bump......for ark

Re: ARK^^ question #1180179 09/01/04 09:52 AM
Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906 A ark^^ Member
ark^^ Member A Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906	just a.. you havent' been in plan A at all have you? sounds like you've been in each fighter to their corners plan.. squaring off sizing each other up time for you to stop that She walks in the door and the first words out of her motuh were "why didnt i call her". plan a responses... I wanted to call but I wasn't sure you wanted me to..but I am glad you said something.... I was getting concerned about you. I am hoping you are well I cooked dinner and saved you some..kept it warm...do you want me to get you some.... we always miss you when you aren't here.... You are right I should have called I will be better at that... charm her.. away from om away from sis... ark

Re: ARK^^ question #1180180 09/01/04 10:02 AM
Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443 J Just a Husband Member
Just a Husband Member J Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 443	Ark thanks.....Im afraid that i didnt say any of those things. I replied by asking her why didnt she call. This morning i made the coffee and left a cup out for her. She then asked me if i made it for her and i said yes. she had no reply. (didnt expect one). I then said i had to leave for work and told her that i was taking the kids upstate this weekend and that we all would like it if she was there. My voice cracked when i said it. So i wasnt very up beat about it. im kinda hoping she doesnt come because i cant really look at her after what she did last night but on the other hand i want her to come..... i keep readind the lighthouse post and it makes sense to me. I have decided that im going to try and fight for a new marriage with her. am i being to wimpy? Should i kill her with kindness?

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