WW's sister is enabling the A. She is also stepping in as sort of a caretaker and interfearing with our M negotiations. WW recetnly lost her mother and i feel that sister is steping in the mother role and pushing her away from the M.

does anyone have experience with this sort of thing.?

I am a "sister" who was in a similar situation.

Now for years I supported my sister`s M. For 18 years of their 22 years marriage in fact. I had hoped with all my heart that my sister and BIL could work things out. But my BIL was an alcoholic and it finally became apparent that things were going from bad to worse with no end in sight.

So when my sister began to think about ending it I DID give her my opinion about the wisdom of that decision and I gave her my full support.

Many sisters are very close. They want to see their sibling happy. And they are going to support whatever they feel is going to make their sibling happy. And that IS as it should be.

Now in my sister`s case I did hear complaints for years. I did try to be objective about it and support them staying together.

But them I began to see bad behaviour from my BIL with my own eyes. Then it became a whole other ball game.

Your SIL is supporting what SHE feels will be best for her sister, your W.

Now why is that?

Has she witnessed things? Have YOU said things to her? Or is she soley relying on what she hears from your W? That could be the case too. You really don`t know what your W says to her about you...or do you? Could any of it be true? WS are notorious for rewriting marital history <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Your SIL is not the problem here. She`s just going with the flow and supporting what she has determined to be in the best interest of her sister.

If at any point in time the last couple of years of my sister`s M my BIL had gotten his act together and my sister had changed her mind about ending the M I would have supported that wholeheartedly.

Another thing to consider too is what type of person your SIL is. Does she have A`s? Is she an intelligent respectable person?

Why do YOU think she`s enabling the A and interfering with negotiations?

She is enabling her because of what Ws tells her about me. Ws constantly tells SIL that i dont like her. And there is a history of dislike. She takes advantage of my wife and my wife doesnt see it.

just came home from work and SIL is cleaning my floors and carrying on with my wife as we used to. They are both sitting and watching TV like we used to.

And when i try and talk to W she is angry...Anger beyond belief....

i just dont get it. Doesnt 11 years of marriage and 15 years of friendship mean anything? IS this the fog? Everyday brings a new one.....does this ride ever end

Originally posted by Just a Husband:
just came home from work and SIL is cleaning my floors and carrying on with my wife as we used to. They are both sitting and watching TV like we used to.

Sounds like SIL is meeting your W's needs (some of them)
domestic support
recreational activity

Sit down and join them next time.

And when i try and talk to W she is angry...Anger beyond belief....

And, what do you say to your W about her anger? I mean it, what are your words when she is angry? Do you address her anger in a straightforward manner?

"I realize you are hurt and angry. Let's talk, OK?"

i just dont get it. Doesnt 11 years of marriage and 15 years of friendship mean anything?


Is this a sample of what you might say to your W out of frustration?

Pep

as for her anger i dont say anything. She is being so mean. Some have said that the anger is not directed towards me but it is actually guilt and that she is angry at herself.

But when she talks to others its as if there is nothing wrong. im the bad one...im the evil one.

She is the one having the A. Not me