My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Some time ago I started talking to a man that I used to date. We started talking, we met and eventually became intimate. My feelings that I once had for this man have came back. My husband and I are both christians. I felt guilty and I told my husband, D. Of course, I hurt him horribly. I haven't broken it off with the other man yet. Part of me wants my marriage to work, I know that God placed D in my life. I know it is not Gods will for me to be with the other man. My emotions are going crazy. I know that I should be more concerned about D's emotions. I feel horrible that I have hurt him. I am hurting b/c I know that I have to end the affair.

Any words of advice are much appreciated...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by myste:
<strong> My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Some time ago I started talking to a man that I used to date. We started talking, we met and eventually became intimate. My feelings that I once had for this man have came back. My husband and I are both christians. I felt guilty and I told my husband, D. Of course, I hurt him horribly. I haven't broken it off with the other man yet. Part of me wants my marriage to work, I know that God placed D in my life. I know it is not Gods will for me to be with the other man. My emotions are going crazy. I know that I should be more concerned about D's emotions. I feel horrible that I have hurt him. I am hurting b/c I know that I have to end the affair.

Any words of advice are much appreciated... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My advice is- End it. End it now. You will not recover from this addiction until you go to no contact, and neither will your marriage.
Will it be pleasant? No. Is it the right thing to do? Absolutely. You made a committment to your husband when you married him. If there are problems in your marriage (and there obviously are) committ yourself to working on fixing them and working toward having the marriage you have dreamed of.

Direct your spouse here as well, and read up on Plan A. While it is written for the BS, it wouldn't hurt for you to be familiar with it as well.

I know this may sound harsh, but I am a FWW and I can tell you that whatever pleasure you are recieving this affair will be far outweighed by your continual feelings of guilt/remorse and your emotional instability. Going into No contact WILL be painful- but you will work through it and will feel better again. This isn't going to happen as long as this affair continues.

Hello Myste: Welcome to Marriage Builders - I too am a fww - I agree totally with Sadfww - the sooner you break off this relationship with OM the better. You are on the right track though, telling your H was a big first step

Read about no contact on this website - send a letter to this OM following the principles of MB - tell OM it was a mistake, you love your h and want to make your marriage work

get into counselling - see a minister and begin to look at why the A - we did and it did help open up the communication and help us see where we became so disconnected

my H and I did buy a lot of the books recommended on this site - surviving an affair - his needs her needs which helped greatly.

read everything you can on this site - it will help with recovery and help you stay strong to break off this relationship - Sandy

<small>[ September 01, 2004, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: sl000 ]</small>

Myste,
Welcome to MB, you have found a good place.

Have you spent time on the homepage reding the MB concepts? That is the first step here to understanding the building blocks that MB has to offer you.

Your marriage can be restored, but you are going to have to end the affair and all contact with the OM. I don't have time for a long answer, but I did not want this post to slip off the page.

You said you have hurt your H, does that mean that you have told him about the affair? He will have to be told the truth beffore you can begin to rebuild.

Please read and consider ordering a few books also. Torn Asunder is a good one to start with.

Hopefully, some of our vets will come along and offer some more help.

Based on your member number, you've been agonizing over this for some time.

Please re-read your own post. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that I have to end the affair.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A point of clarity.

To NOT end it contradicts all the other conclusions in your post, right?

So just do it.

We know this is difficult. But you garnered the courage to post on this forum after thinking about it a LONG time, right? This was difficult too, right? And look what happened - you have been welcomed and treated with compassion. You deserve no less. In turn, please treat your husband with compassion - he deserves no less and your marriage deserves a fighting chance.

Welcome...I am a FWH and I completly understand the confusion and gut wretching decision you are trying to make. You KNOW (in you heart) that you should do the "right" thing...but your emotions are going wild in rebellion. You are telling yourself that you have finally found that special person that makes you feel great...how can you give that up? Right? We call that "fog talk" here. You can't see clearly because your emotions are driving you decisions. I can't promise you that it won't be hard turning away from the affair and back to your husband. In fact, for 3-4 weeks you will go through withdrawl similar to a drug addiction. You see, the affair is an addiction. You are addicted to the emotional rush produced by the thrill of the affair.

Let me promise you...the thrill is an illusion that will destroy your life if you don't take action now. So here is what you need to do...take a deep breath. Tell yourself that you CAN do the right thing. Pray again (you used to but you have gotten out of the habit). Now...you need to end the affair by telling the OM that you can't contact him ever again. That just scared you even reading that. It was the "ever again" part. Trust me...You have to establish no contact...ever. Then hold on...we will be here to help you...because the pain of the seperation will rip your heart out.

BUT... there's hope. In 3-4 week you will begin to see clearly and the affair will begin to become something that you lothe. Right now you can't imagine that, but you will begin to hate the fact that you fell to such a low. Despare. God will be there to carry you through. Start praying.... You CAN do this. You can do this!

Go and hit your knees and start praying tonight. Have yourself a good cry and tomorrow call off the affair! Call it off! No contact.

We will be here for you. We're praying.

2scared