I am starting to feel indifferent. What does this mean?

I still go back and forth in my mind from wanting my H to not wanting him anymore. It seems that I spend more time NOT wanting him – particularly after discovering his secret plans for leaving me. Here are his plans. Ironically, he calls them plan A and plan B:

Plan A – get transferred to Europe and go without me. Lead me and his employer to believe that we will be going together so that he can get better pay and housing while overseas.

Plan B – get transferred back to my hometown and move there together. Invest together in a property because we both work and have good credit. Then he will inform me that he wants a D and buy me out of the property. He will then continue investing in properties with a friend of his.

These plans lead me to believe that he is pure evil. I am realizing that he is probably only being nice to me now so that he can continue to use me until he no longer needs me. He clearly does not love me.

My mother came to visit me for a week while my H was out of town on his business trip. I finally informed her what is going on in my M. It might have been a mistake, I don’t know. She was shocked that I was not more emotional in telling her everything. She said, “You’re talking about all of this as if you are talking about another couple!” This is VERY unlike me. It could be my ADs. Needless to say, she feels that I am better off without him. Since she went back home, she has filled in my brother about my situation. I was planning on telling him anyway. Apparently, he was FURIOUS. I think my mom said that his words were something like, “he should go back into the cockroach infested hole that he crawled out of.” I think I will be talking to my brother tonight or tomorrow night. I guess my thinking in telling my family is that I know that they are the only people that honestly love me and care about me right now.

I am to the point where I’m not even sure if I want to snoop anymore. At times, I just don’t care anymore. The only thing that I really want to do is hear his conversations with his family. It is the only way that I know the truth about what he is thinking and feeling. If I ever hear him say that he loves me after all and wants to work on our M and spend the rest of his life with me, THEN I might change my attitude. But until then, I feel that I can’t believe anything that he tells me.

My H and I are visiting some friends out of town this weekend. When we come back, I think I am going to have a discussion with him. I mentioned this on another thread. I am going to tell him that I know that he does not love me. I will ask him to leave. If he ever changes his mind, he can come back. But in the meantime, I can’t live with someone who causes me so much pain. I can give him a plan B letter, but I don’t know if this will be plan B really, or just plan D.


My only fear right now is that I will be starting over at 35. I am afraid of being alone and feeling like a failure because of a D. I also have to deal with the fact that I may never have children in this lifetime. I know that I will be OK, no matter what happens, but still, you can’t help feeling this way.

Once again, it feels good to vent.

Gosh, I like Plan A. Tell him to go, that you need time to think about things. Then when he is gone, you can work on yourself, and finances.

When he comes back, you will probably not want him.

Thanks, Believer.

You mean you like plan B, right? I think I'm just about there. I'm going to work on a letter.

Maybe I don't even need a plan B letter.

I will keep you posted.

svb - I mean HIS Plan A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Gotcha!

Then I will throw a party like you!

You will be invited, but you'll have to fly across the country.

svb

I vote for Plan svb, which is laying all your cards on the table. Tell him you know his plans now and ask him to discuss it with you face to face. You have nothing to lose, svb, and everything to gain. You have serious problems here, svb, and they will not EVER be addressed until they are brought out into the open.

Tell the man the truth....

<small>[ September 01, 2004, 04:28 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

hi svb.....35 yrs young my dear. Im gonna be 48 in October and 20 yrs of marriage. Im getting a job (waitressing) and maybe i will have some guys hitting on me, hehehe. It will be nice to be noticed again. Im not dating though, im in plan b. Im still married.

take care, so sorry we are going through this, its just not fair, i know.

A/C0810

ML, I am definitely going to talk to him. I am going to tell him that I know that he's unhappy and does not love me and plans to move overseas without me. I asked him once in the past if he wanted me to go with him overseas and he said, "I don't know." I am going to base my discussion on this. I will not tell him about the VAR.

I will ask him to leave and find himself a small apartment. I think he might be relieved. But if he starts to hem and haw, then I will leave. I talked to my brother last night for about an hour and a half. He thinks that I should get my finances in order and leave. He (and his wife) both agree that my H has absolutely no respect for me. Apparently it is obvious to everyone who sees him communicate with me. My brother seems to think that I need to get a lawyer right away.

I am just hoping now that our discussion goes well and that our separation and D go smoothly and without any fighting. We don't have kids or a house, so it shouldn't be too difficult coming to an agreement together.

I think I'm at a point now where I just want to move on with my life. I am looking at my H with new eyes. I am almost disgusted by him.

A/C0810, thanks for your kind words.

"maybe i will have some guys hitting on me, hehehe. It will be nice to be noticed again."

I know you're not dating and are in plan B, but still, that will be great for your self-esteem, to be noticed. I need a boost to my self-esteem, too. I'm tired of hearing of only my faults.

No matter what happens, we will both be fine.

svb

Sweety - 35 is young - I met my WH when I was 35 - now at 47 I'm going to be starting over...the pickin will be alot slimmer for me now. I dont' have children and I'm glad I don't. Thank God, they don't have to go thru this with me.

I know what you mean about the feeling of "indifferent"..I never thought I'd feel that way - but, I am and it's scary - especially when you just don't know what to do. Follow your heart - that's what I'm gonna do.

HUGS

Thanks, ITHURTS.

It's probably best that we don't have children at this point. I can't imagine going through all of this with children, either.

I'm feeling more positive today. I'm actually in a good mood and I feel ... at peace somehow.