I wanted to make some comments about exposure to family/friends and asking people for help in saving a marriage.

For the longest time, I said nothing to anybody about my husband's EA with OW. I kept it all inside of me. I finally found myself brave enough to talk to family and a few friends about this issue and I told them that I love my husband, want to save my marriage and I asked for their support. My husband's aunt and uncle are very close to us and they immediately told me that they wanted to talk to him and they are supporting us. At first, I was a bit reluctant because I was afraid of my husband's reaction, but then I agreed. Well, they never did... I feel let down and I feel angry because I beared my soul to these people. Now his aunt is always calling me and asking how we are doing and how I am doing and I find myself angry and hurt to the point that I feel reluctant to answer to phone or talk to her. I know that she is praying for us and I appreciate it, but I feel let down since she kept insisting that she wanted to talk to my husband. Sometimes I feel like yelling or lashing out, but this is so unlike me, but it feels like something is going to explode inside of me.

I understand that one should never really count on anyone but oneself. I'm really beginning to grasp this concept. I guess I've just been to naive and innocent and maybe the time has now come that I'm learning the cold hard facts of life.

Sometimes I feel really alone, not necessarily lonely, but alone. I often get very homesick and I haven't felt this in a long long time. I often feel disconnected from this family; people whom I thought were close to me.

Kati

I am in the middle of a similar delima. My situation is different but i have the same issues of exposure.

You should make a list of people that are close to your h and the ow.

I have made my list but have not done alot of the exposure to its fullist. I am still needing the find the right words and courage. A good plan A makes it difficult to continue the A and Exposure is a big part of that.

Exposure, i believe, will also cause alot of initial turmoil and im waiting for the right time.

Just A Husband,

Well, I'm done exposing. Nobody knows OW. She lives in another state and contact is sporadic and mainly by phone/email. I've never met her and none of my husband's family/friends know or have met her.

According to my husband, she has a fiancee, but I cannot expose to him because I do not know any names or addresses.

In addition, I do not want to come across as the bitter and jealous wife. I have OW's cell phone and at one time I had contemplated calling her and told my husband about it. He ask me if I was gonna scream for her to leave "my husband alone". That was all I needed to hear. No way am I gonna sink that low. I would rather loose him then fight another woman.

I think I have done a good Plan A though and that is one of the reasons that my husband is still there. I have basically done a total 180 on myself. I don't even feel like the woman that I was one year ago.

Kati

Kati,

Exposure is very hard. I told my in-laws the first day I found out because the OW is really after my in-laws money and have been overly friendly with them. Even trying to plan my SIL's baby shower which was three days after I expose the A to my in-laws. Now my in-laws see the OW exactly for what she is. My in-laws also have been so supportive of me and told me I will always be part of this family no matter what happens to my marriage.

I really started exposing three months after he left. It was the hardest thing I had to do, in some strange way I was the one feeling shameful. After I expose, I became stronger and I held my head up high. I expose out of love and not spite and I feel they felt that from me. I also realize my WH was counting on me to keep his A secret. This site made me realized if I do keep his dirty secret I become an enabler to his A.

I called his aunts and uncles. They were also so supportive. They called my WH. My WH told me his family only had nice words to say about me and how well I'm holding up. He told me he didn't tell them anything about what is going on (no shock there).

If it wasn't for the strong support I have received from his family and friends I don't know where I would be since I don't have any family of my own.

As for your WH aunt, keep in contact with her. She seems to be supportive but she also has to deal with her own feelings about what has happen. I read so many stories how non-supportive the Wh family has been to the BS spouse. You need all the support you can.

I know I consider myself so blessed to have such wonderful in-laws and have been so supportive of me and exposing the affair.

HopelesslyDevoted,

You are very lucky to have such a great support network, especially with your in-laws. My MIL had always been supportive and understanding and I could count on her fairness and support for everything. She died though and I miss her dearly.

As far as my husband's aunt, I love her and she's a great person, but I'm dissappointed because she kept insisting that I give the "green light" to talk, but then didn't follow through. Oh well, I guess I need to get over it and move on. Maybe they just feel uncomfortable, just as the friends did that I've exposed to.

It seems like it changed a lot of the dynamics. Sometimes it also seems like people don't want to be bothers with stuff like adultery etc. I guess they fear that it may rub off on them or their marriage. When stuff like this happens, you will find out real quick who your real friends are..

Kati

Kati - please consider making a "deposit" on this thread, or one of its embedded threads, relating your experiences with exposure. Others may benefit from it.
Affair Exposure 101

Thanks,
WAT

WAT,

I followed your advice.

Have a great day!

Greetings across the Potomac.

Kati