Oh, I almost forgot to ask everyone a VERY important question - Our 18th wedding anniversary is September 20th - next monday

Should I send WH, (who by the way, filed for divorce in the same month as our wedding), a card or something or would that be LOVEBUSTING??

Please give me some guidance on what to do on the Anniversary as well as my questions contained in the above reply.

Thanks

My 18th Anniversary is Monday, 9/20/04, but I have been served divorce papers by my WH on 9/9/04.

Sad, sad, sad. Should I send him a card or something to him for our anniversary? I am currently in Plan A, but it seems to be backfiring. My WH is being too nice right back at me.

What do I do now??

I'm lost in my sorrow and confused?!?!?

duplicate post - sorry

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Here is the latest -

I have just heard from my attorney that my WH has not actually FILED the DV. He had his attorney create the summons and had it served on me - improperly by the way. My attorney is puzzled and can't send a response to the summons unless my WH's attorney files the summons. My attorney thinks this is strange and attributes it to an incompetent attorney or maybe it is a ploy by my WH to buy some time to think about the DV.

I am hopeful that the latter scenario is true as I really want another opportunity to SAVE my marriage.

I know my WH is probably in the fog, but this little "glitch" or perhaps divine intervention is giving me HOPE that he is actually reconsidering his decision to divorce me.

I pray that he will consider reconciliation. The papers are dated September 3, 2004 and have not been filed with the court as of yet. However he did have the papers served at my office, but I was not there to accept service, which is why it was done improperly ( I can actually challenge the divorce when and if it is filed based on the fact that it was improper service of process).

I would like to hear feedback on whether anyone thinks this is an unfounded notion on my part or is this really a glimmer of HOPE for my failing marriage?

Please provide feedback, comments, suggestions.

I am in Plan A and he seems to be getting nicer and nicer to me - what is up with that? Should I be concerned???

Thanks <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Looking for comments/suggestions/advice on my three previous posts -

Anyone care to give me some feedback?????

Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Dear Newlife,

I have noticed a bit of a lack of response to your posts here. Sorry for that.

Your thread title is asking for some specific people to respond, so many of us are probably passing it by. I would change the title or start a new thread.

The other thing is that you are almost asking a legal question - on the conditions under which you were served, or not served, as the case may be. I think most people shy away from commenting about legal issues and your attorney would give you the best advice there, regardless of how we chime in.

As far as your marriage goes, there is always hope. There is even hope after a divorce, I know people who had to go through a divorce to realize what they lost and then were married again to each other some years later.

If you want my opinion - and you MUST take this with a grain of salt as I am not familiar enough with your story, either his lawyer is a complete joke, or he is just being mean-spirited and threatening.

Now mean-spirited is not necessarily so bad. It could me he is really hurt by something you have done. If you are asking "what did I do?" you may not get an answer to that. People tend to see things the way they want to see them. It could be someting small that he is blowing up huge in his mind. Only he can REALLY answer that question for you. Everything else is just your imagination. Doesn't mean it is right, or fair. That's just how it is. But consider this - if he is lashing out with this as a mean-spirited threat, it AT LEAST means you have a strong emotional affect on him. What you need to do is figure out how to make that effect positive, if saving your marriage is what you want to do.

Here is the tricky part - you must not sacrifice your dignity in doing so, or YOU will eventually resent YOUR actions.

My suggestion? Well, it would be this. EVERY time you stop to ponder what it is he is doing or thinking, you ALSO think what it is YOU are doing or thinking. And how could you be better. A better person, a better wife, mom, whatever. In that way, you will begin to train yourself on what the most important thing for YOU is. YOUR choices. I'm not saying don't worry if he is doing anything wrong, what I mean is put your effort into something you can actually CHANGE.

Have you read the material on the site? Dr. Harley's essays? How about HN/HN or SAA?

I am the FS. Yeah, my WW did wrong, but the most important thing I learned was what I was doing wrong.

NCWalker

You need to find evidence of an A and expose. Until then... everything proceeds as your H sees fit.

You can't fight this battle without the being prepared.

Prove..and expose.

This changes EVERYTHING.

You're letting him live in fantasy land.

Does your H even suspect you know anything ?

Wow - Thanks for the advice.

I know that I need to determine if there is an A. I have asked WH and he insist that he is not involved with anyone. Furthermore, WH is always with his mother. Everyone that tells me that they see him says he is out with his mother all the time.

My daughters are actually seeing him frequently, and he is always with his mother. We have very hectic and busy schedules with our jobs and the girls sporting events. He covers most of their games as I am starting a new business.

The games are always in the evening, sometime as late as 10:00 pm. So, I am really skeptical about an affair - I don't have any evidence to prove it.

Yes, I know there are things that I am asking that appear to be legal questions, and I have discussed those with my attorney.

I know that God is showing me things about myself that I have contributed to the downfall of my marriage. I just don't want to lose hope that we can reconcile this marriage.

If it means that we divorce and remarry into a GREAT new marriage with each other - I am okay with that - I just don't know what to think about his actions. In the meantime, I am working on myself and trying to improve ME as a person. The hardest part is dealing with our teenage daughters and the emotions they are feeling right now - they are confused and hurt that their Dad is not in their lives or at least not in the same house.

I just want support from MB veterans and find out if I am crazy or not.

I have read many of Dr. Harley's articles and some of the books.

I am just worn out and tired of all the emotions going up and down. It is an emotionally upsetting time and I just don't want to read anything else. I'm tired and confused.

Thanks for all your comments and advice. Maybe I won't post for awhile.

newlife,

Don't stop posting. It helps me tremendously when I do it. Just to SAY it. Then look it over again and ask did what I just say make sense?

I was afraid you were leaning a little too much on the board from your string of posts. This board can be a great help, but you can't let it be a crutch. Or and idol. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sometimes threads take off and run, sometimes they die. It's kind of fickle.

Guess what I should of said is that people here do care, but the board is a busy place.

Wishing you the best,

NCW