Soooo, today my WW went apt hunting with the OM and our kids. Isn't that nice. I guess I should have expected nothing less from her at this point.

Her brother went to his house and was honking the horn and causing a scene. He ending up just driving away.

Well, I talked to the WW and she said that her parents can never see the kids again.

I wanted to talk more, but she was at work so I asked her to come home early tonight so we could figure out how we are going to seperate. She said she was not sure. (I found out the OM has OUR car at his house and was going to pick her up)

So I called her at work and wanted to leave her a message to please get some cat food, cause we are out and I cannot go any place. Her boss answered who knows about the whole situation. He is actually married to my brothers future sister-in-law. I asked him to leave the cat food message and added that I wish the whole A had never happened. He did not respond and I hung up.

The WW flipped out. How dare I do something like that she said. I told her I did it cause I was in so much pain and not thinking straight. It got ugly and she ended up hanging up on me.

The only way I think our marriage can survive is if she changes. I cannot see how it will work any other way. Trouble is, I do not think I can wait. I feel bad for my kids, but I honestly think I hate her now. I want my wife back, someone take this alien away from me and give me back my wife!!!!!

Oh well, anyone got any advice for a lonely LB father of two?

canthishelp -

Well we all go through the hate thing. It is very miserable being where you are right now. You are going to have to take care of yourself.

Your wife is deeply in the fog, and may not come out for awhile. What are you doing for you?

CTH - Hang in there, I know how you feel. WW and I are going down the same separation path. For what its worth, at least your WW is being open enough to admit her behaviour. My WW is still denying anything is going on even though I have several peices of "intelligence" that confirm this.
As for the LB'ing, it's important that you keep otherwise occupied otherwise your attention will remain on your difficult situation.
Can you guys sell your car and buy two lesser value vehicles so you aren't stranded?
As for ringing her work, well you probably should stick to business and only talk to her if possible. I know it's tempting to get her friends / workmates on side, but it can cause tension between you. Have you been able to get to a gym or join a club to help the quieter hours pass by? If you need to talk / vent, do it on this site where all your friends will listen and understand you.

I have been able to do nothing for myself. I am looking for a job because my current position is being moved out of state and I do not want to leave my kids.

I am OK with the seperation at this point. My marriage has been poor for a while. With my WW not wanting to work on it, I am starting to become OK with leaving it.

I still hate that choice, but I feel as if my hand is being forced. I cannot deal with her and the A any longer.

As long as there is an A, there can be no marriage.

I am hoping that the seperation will give me some time to do other things. We are going to have to sell the house, and it needs painting and such. I cannot do that stuff when I have the kids by myself, and since my WW cannot stand me, we do not work well together.

And I will admit, the honesty is nice. About the only thing its doing however, is causing us to drift further apart. I just want to get off the roller coaster.

CTH,

I feel your pain. I feel your struggle. I have been there too. My H & I were separated for 4 months while he was having his A and it was so hard for me & the kids. I began to not like who he was. He had lied, manipulated & weasled his way out of everything imaginable & that definitely was not the man I had married. After a while, what I decided to do was focus on getting closer to God. This helped me so much. I read the Bible every day, spoke with fellow Christians who could help keep me accountable for MY actions & wouldn't let me give up on God's power to reconcile us. Someone told me something once during those 4 months that I'll never forget (forgive me but I don't remember who). They said, Sometimes God needs to separate in order to reconcile.

I never forgot that & I knew in my heart that I needed to be broken in order to call on Him to restore me. He was the only one who could give me back my strength, my dignity, my worth as a human being. He helped me become so much of a better person. Not because of the A, but in spite of it. What I had to keep remembering was that this was not only a journey for me, but also a journey for my H. What I had to keep reminding myself was that when things seemed so low, so bleak, that I needed to look to God to see the brightness. I felt like I was going through this dark hole, sinking deeper & deeper & that the hole would close me up sooner or later.

Only God got me out of that hole & I am so thankful to Him that He not only helped me see what I needed to do, but He always kept encouraging me to not give up. He kept reminding me that although things didn't seem like they were turning around in my favor, He had never stopped working. Just because I couldn't see the changes, the power of God right before my eyes, didn't mean that He had given up on H either. He was just working in a way that I couldn't see with my eyes. But I felt it in my heart (after a lot of reminders).

You WILL be ok, CTH. Rely on God to help you when you feel the weakest. Reach out to those here on this board, God's servants waiting to help you. He wants you to turn to Him now. Let Him comfort you. Let Him fill you. This separation might be better for your sanity than you realize. I believe it will give you a sense of self-worth. Don't beat yourself up for feeling human emotions like extreme anger. It is ok. Tell God that you're angry & hurt & confused. He will clear your head. He will fill you with peace. He will replace the hurt with love. All of those things.

You're in my prayers,
Y