Last night and tonight my husband went to his sisters house about a hour away after work to hang out with his brother who is visiting from Vegas. Last night after he left he called the OW and talked for almost 2 hours. I know this because when you call his cell if he is on the line with someone else it beeps at the end of the ring and he won't click over when I call.

He was doing so good at NC. Then he broke down and called her again now I got my distant alien husband back. He never mentioned wanting out when he wasn't calling her but as soon as he talked with her again he now is saying again he doesn't want to be married anymore. That marriage isn't for him and it's not about her. I know this is all fog talk but it gets to a point where you just get so tired of riding on this roller coaster. I get a little hope and start to feeling a little happy then he dashes it again.

I am sitting here feeling alone and thinking ahead. If he does leave this feeling I am feeling now is what I have to look forward to. I don't want to go to sleep alone, nobody to talk to who really understands me like him, nobody to snuggle next to, and make love to. I feel so unloved right now. I know this is just one of my depressed nights. Lately I have been upbeat about everything and working on myself and trying to be there for him as much as he wants me to.

He keeps doing things to hurt me on purpose thinking I will get enough and give him the divorce he wants without a fight. But how do you stop loving and caring for someone you have loved for so long?? I feel so stupid sometimes loving someone that does these things to me. But I know right now he is not the man I love or married. He is not thinking the way a normal married man would think. He is thinking more like a single 20 year old would think with no kids or responsiblity.

I don't have any friends. Just my mom really and I hate telling her everything. She has enough on her with other things and I don't like to get her worried and upset over me. My husband was my everything. I know this was my problem. I put so much into him and I should have been working more on myself and being more independant. Which I am working on now. I know that I didn't meet his top emotional needs. I realize that I was loving him and trying to meet the needs I wanted and needed met. But didn't realize till now that his needs are different than mine. Wayyyyyyyyyyy different. He feels that it is to late to work on our marriage. That he has tried all these years and still feels the same like it was not meant to be. My question to him is how can he say he truly gave our marriage a true chance if she was involved emotionally with him 2 out of 3 years of our marriage. He even admits that the first year of our marriage was good. He started to question his love for me when he met her and started to feel things for her.

We went to 3 MC sessions together it was going good until he decided to go meet her again then he didn't want to go back anymore. Saying that he didn't get anything out of it. Now he would like to go to IC with the same counselor which I think is a good idea. Sorry for the long vent. I am still doing plan A ... For how long I really don't know. I am taking everything day by day. In the meantime I am trying to focus more of my attention on my kids and myself and let him deal with his own chaos for now.

SML, thinking of you.

gc

SadMD,
What can I say? I'm basically in the same boat. Things seemed good, the fog was lifting, we had talks of moving, talked of our future children she went out a brought me a card thanking me for hanging there and never giving up on me. Then the next thing I knew she was complaining of feeling trapped being in a M...then she was GONE! PFFFT!

I feel your pain more than you know. I'm doing my best to accept that this alien must run its course. There's not much else I can do. Plan A is tough, then again so is Plan B, though I'm told it will get easier as I progress. I was in a Plan A for a long time, but HAD to stop because I was beginning to LB more and more. You can only go so long giving without receiving much in return. It was the quick dips in the rollercoaster that got me, not to mention the sneaking and the lying.

I wish you peace of mind and after you find some, please send me a copy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I don't want to lead you down the wrong path. I keep hearing that things do improve eventually. I'm sorry I cannot be of more help. I'm sorry your going thru this and I can relate all too well. You've must find reasons to smile, we cannot let our spouses fog to dominate our lives.

I called his cell to see if he is on the way home. He is again on the phone with the OW and will not click over to me. Everytime he does this I feel so disrespected. Like I don't matter. Which right now with this mindset I don't. I know this. I feel like just telling him when he gets here that it's time to do NC or I will have no choice but to move on without him. Which I know he will be more than happy about.

I have this great urge to call the OW. I know this will not accomplish anything. I just sometimes feel like she thinks I am stupid and don't know they are still talking behind my back and sometimes meeting in South Carolina. I just want her to know that I know and that she has no morals or values to continue with a man knowing he is married and has 2 kids and one on the way. I also found out the name of her father his address and phone number tonight. I am not going to do anything with it yet but I will if it comes down to it.

My husband thinks I am just spiteful and makes remarks all the time that he never knew I could be like this. And having a affair and doing it infront of someones face is ok??? Arghhh... I am almost to the breaking point. If he cannot stop contact I don't have much more choices but to go to plan B no matter how much it hurts. Because it can't hurt as bad as he is hurting me right now.

Why do I let him do this to me everytime... I am sitting her crying my eyes out over a man that is treating me like crap... My 3 year old is spending the week with my mom and I think I am just down also because I miss him so much. When I get sad he comes up to me with a tissue and says don't cry... The little daddy is here. He kisses me and hugs me... And it breaks my heart and makes me feel good at the same time. It's so sad that a 3 year old can comfort me and feel my pain but my 30 year old husband can't.

Yes I know this is a process and the affair has to end itself. But it still hurts when the person you trusted and loved so much turns to someone else. I know that I need to work on myself and let him alone to deal with this. But how do you stop the pain in your heart??? How do you stop from caring??? How do you stop loving someone you love so much??? I wish I knew the answers to these questions it would make things so much easier... I am just sitting here praying for understanding and direction... Because I feel so alone and lost right now...

SadMarylandLady,

Why ? ... you have the answerand take this time to do self reflection and learn about yourself.

I am against BS putting up w/ A unless you have a very good reason. I do doormat plan A b/c I need to make sure I get my 2 D coustody. I only did it for 6 months and followed by plan B.

Williard Harley itself said one should not put up with the A. Why ?. Even you save your M you will a hard time to reach fullfiling M. What you get is unrepentant exWS and you will be in worst position than before A.

M is broken the moment WS has A. If you have personal baggage that you brought in in your M, fix it first ... even you have to be a doormat. For instant, if you are codependent type then work on it first regardless what WS behavior is. If you have unresolved emotional issues the fix it first. Meanwhile you let WS know that A is his choice and you are not putting up with disrespect (doing it blantly). After you have "fix" yourself then you should not put up w/ A !, you have done your part and he rejects your plan A.

Hope this help. -rh-

Thanks Redhat.. Sometimes I do feel like a doormat... But other times I know there are things I need to work on before I leave. I was so dependant on him. Now I am working on that.. And some other things. I know that I cannot stay in plan A forever.

I feel much better this morning. I guess last night was just one of those nights. But it did help coming here. I didn't LB once when he got here. Which I normally would have done. He was in his car laying back in his seat for a long time. I went out and asked him what he was doing. He said sleeping. He was afraid to come in because he knew I would be in his face. Which I wasn't. I asked him to please come in and walked back into the house. A few minutes later he came in and changed for bed. I laid next to him. The baby was kicking really hard so I took his hand and laid it on my tummy. He wrapped his arms around me and fell asleep. I kept reminding myself that to be there for him. She sure is... And I want to show him I can be there also.

When he was ready to leave for work this morning he got down on his knees at the bed and looked into my eyes. I saw so much pain. Hurt because he knew he hurt me. He then quickly shut his eyes and just stayed there for the longest time. He then kissed me softly and said he had to go. I am not sure what this means but before he really had no guilt and didn't really seem to care if I hurt or not. But lately I can see it's really starting to bother him. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not.

All this time he has been telling family and friends that know and also me that it's not about the girl. It's about how he feels. That he is not happy. And all kinds of little reasons why he doesn't want to be married anymore. Even though most people can see it's about her. I did tell him that maybe he should think about what he is saying. That it may not be that he is unhappy with the marriage just unhappy that he cannot be with her the way he wants to. He didn't say anything. I think he is upset with himself that he cannot keep NC. Maybe he is realizing he has a addiction. Who knows...

I am feeling happy today... Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones raging. Who knows. I called the lady about IC for my husband and left a message to callback if she has a appointment next week open.. I guess we will see how that goes.

Kloe,
How are you doing today???

Nothing new or exciting happening today, which I guess is a good thing. I had a doctor's appointment this morning and everything is fine with the baby. That is always reassuring to hear. I'm looking forward to a 3 day weekend, just so I can sleep in. I haven't been sleeping well this week so not having to get up for work will be nice.