Hi. I am new to this, but I need some help in a big way. My H and I have been married for 5 yrs. We have 2 children together and 1 from a previous relationship of his. Before we were married he cheated on me with his ex. I was 19 and in love and he was 22. I chalked this up to guilt about leaving her. I got PG and we got married...three weeks after I had found out. My parents really pushed hard for the marriage and I was afraid to disappoint them anymore. Besides I loved him and I thought if we were married he would change. He had a major A 2 yrs. into our marriage. It lasted a long time. I caught him, and then I begged him not to leave me. By now we had 2 children, 1 special needs, and I was scared, and I thought I still loved him. Then a few months later I found out he was hanging out with another woman. She said nothing had happened yet, but thats where it was heading. I still took him back. Then 5 months ago I found out he was having another A, and I made him leave. He swears this time he has changed. He started counseling, and wants to work things out, but this time I am not sure I want to. Is that wrong? The part of me that does want to I think is motivated by stability, not love. I have no more physical attraction to him, and I can't imagine ever having it again. Is it possible to get that back? Should I try once more for my kids, my family..how do you know if you are making the right decision? I am just so confused, I don't want to make the wrong choice, but I am having a hard time decifering how I feel. Thanks for taking the time to read this long message, believe me there is more to this story, but Thank You. Just knowing people are out there and want to help means so much.

Kelly,

Nobody here can make the decision for you. You will need to search deep inside your heart to see if you love this man. I don't buy that you only got M because of PG. You felt something. You were in love with him. Why? What was it that made you laugh, smile and enjoy the small things in your M? What gave you that sense of inner peace? There was something there.

Now, is that something that you want to rekindle? It sounds like he wants to rebuild the M and your trying to see if you really want to go through the pain of recovery. (which is tough no doubt.)

Bottom line...do you want to try? Maybe right now you don't know. That's okay too. Are you in some kind of hurry? If not, take your time. Go to some counselor sessions and see how you feel. See how repentant your H appears. See how willing you are to forgive if he is really interested in rebuilding. But if your looking for justification to leave...explore your motives. Why?

There's no rush right now. He's out of the A and wants to rebuild (he is out? right?). Again, I don't see a need to rush to the Divorce court. Hang around and see if he is really interested in rebuilding and search for the reason for why you love this man. It's in there.

We're here for you,

2scared