Hi. I am new to this, but I need some help in a big way. My H and I have been married for 5 yrs. We have 2 children together and 1 from a previous relationship of his. Before we were married he cheated on me with his ex. I was 19 and in love and he was 22. I chalked this up to guilt about leaving her. I got PG and we got married...three weeks after I had found out. My parents really pushed hard for the marriage and I was afraid to disappoint them anymore. Besides I loved him and I thought if we were married he would change. He had a major A 2 yrs. into our marriage. It lasted a long time. I caught him, and then I begged him not to leave me. By now we had 2 children, 1 special needs, and I was scared, and I thought I still loved him. Then a few months later I found out he was hanging out with another woman. She said nothing had happened yet, but thats where it was heading. I still took him back. Then 5 months ago I found out he was having another A, and I made him leave. He swears this time he has changed. He started counseling, and wants to work things out, but this time I am not sure I want to. Is that wrong? The part of me that does want to I think is motivated by stability, not love. I have no more physical attraction to him, and I can't imagine ever having it again. Is it possible to get that back? Should I try once more for my kids, my family..how do you know if you are making the right decision? I am just so confused, I don't want to make the wrong choice, but I am having a hard time decifering how I feel. Thanks for taking the time to read this long message, believe me there is more to this story, but Thank You. Just knowing people are out there and want to help means so much.

Kelly -

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a very good place to be under the circumstances.

It is miserable when you first are going through all of this alone. But I promise it does get better.

Start in Plan A, you can read all about it on the link on my sig. line.

I appreciate the post. He has already terminated the affair, or rather OW did. It wasn't until after that happened that he wanted me back. He says he did before, but he felt he had burned that bridge. Its just that I have had to get over this and rebuild so many times in so little time, that I just don't know when should you say enough is enough. Should I believe that this time is any different? He says that through his counseling he realizes that he has a problem. But, this counselor is just repeating what our marriage counselor said 2 yrs ago, so why now is it different, can he be different?

kelly -

Okay, the affair is over. You CAN rebuild your marriage, and it can be much better than before. There is a reason for his affairs, and chances are, it has nothing to do with you.

Please print out the emotional needs questionairre here. Have him fill it out, and then you fill it out. You need to figure out why this keeps happening.