Last night i blew biggggg time. I screamed and shouted at WH.

I cannot help it...he punch that button again and again that i blew up!

As you know i have filed for divorce and started going out again...i have not dated anyone yet or seeing anyone seriously. I have had a few cyber boy friends just for fun...it keeps the depression at bay.

WH is feeling a little uncomfortable with me going out and all. I am not telling him with whom but i think he assumes it is with some guy. Honestly i go out alone. I also gave him the impression that there is someone so i think this thought is bugging him. Whenever he calls or drop by to see DD...i give him that i dont care attitude but loving at the same time.

There was one night i saw WH with OW in the same car so did WH, he saw me too...i felt the phycho feeling again but managed to controlled it. I did not tail them or call WH about it.

Then last night i blew up...I called about some bills then asked when he was going to give the child support money which is supposed to start this month. WH started demanding that i open an account under DD name and give him a statement of what the money is use for. I disagree but still maintain my cool. I did not get angry although he was very upset by now. In fact he has been upset since i started going out more frequently than usual.

WH went on and on about how much he has to pay for all the bills since day one...that i should maybe take up another job to earn extra, etc etc After about 15 minutes of putting the blame on dear ME...finally i had enough and blew up especially since he still insist on seeing the bills.

The way he said it was like as if he is afraid that i might spend the money on other men or something...and he knows damn well where each cents goes to each month...to me his demand for the bills is totally unreasonable. Where and what happens to the child support money is not his business anymore. WH said he WONT give the money until i open the account and this is the point i blew up because i have a lot of bills to pay this month and here he is stalling with the payment!

I said or more like shouted...that if he wanted to play hardball with me then i will go to the b*tch house and make hell over there. I will also go to the lawyer and clean him out for every penny he own. I said i respected him and was veryyyyyyy nice and let him go without much fight but if he is going to start DEMANDING like this then i will also be mean!!!!! I also said something like killing OW...i really gave it all out...at the end...WH said sheepishly that he will give me the money the next day...hearing that i hung up on him.

WH is such a coward. All i have to do is threat to fight it out with OW and he backs off completely.

I know this sounds mean but this is the first time since months since i love bust big time. For months i was totally nice to WH and OW...i never said anything mean, no revenge and i really tried so hard to plan A at the same time. I tried to be loving but tough...tried to give more and be compassion...i think my taker could not take it anymore and it went off.

I am so done with WH. I do not think i can take him back after last night. I cannot see anything good in him anymore. Before, i was afraid of Dv...but now i am beginning to want it sooo badly.

Since chatting with other men...i see greener pasture and there are many better men out there. I know i should not stray and must keep to my objectives but it is getting very hard to do.

Men are men...and they are all the same but at least a new man does not come with that pain...if i end up back with WH, its only pain and hurt.

I am beginning to hope WH never comes back...is that bad? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ September 15, 2004, 05:41 AM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

zizzy -

Everyone blows up once in awhile. You can only do this for so long. Please wait awhile for other men - you want to be fully healed before you get in another relationship. But it is good that your WH knows that you will move on without him.

Zizzy -

I have never talked with you before, but I do read your threads.

Just wanted to say please be careful with your cyber guyfriends, you are very vulnerable and we all know the horror stories of starting a relationship over the internet.

It is way too soon for you as your heart & head are not strong yet.

Just don't want to see anything start up that might not be good for you.

ZZ,

Don't fall into that trap. I'm not going to tell you whether you are "finished" with your WH or not, but don't decieve yourself like most WS do. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Since chatting with other men...i see greener pasture and there are many better men out there. I know i should not stray and must keep to my objectives but it is getting very hard to do.

Men are men...and they are all the same but at least a new man does not come with that pain...if i end up back with WH, its only pain and hurt.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WS start the same way. They foggily reason "Why work on the marriage, just start over with a new person without any history between us."

I know you have suffered alot and worked hard. If you decide you've lost all your love for your

Believer...it was so goood telling off last night for once...i forgot to tell you that there was one night where i asked him directly if he would still make love with me if i asked and he said yes... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> He also said that if OW found out...OW will walk away... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But you will be proud of me coz i did not sleep with him anymore since the last round back in June.

Weaver and Tom...i hear you guys...i will not fall into that trap...i am trying my best...trying to keep to my objectives...the road just gets blur sometimes and when WH starts doing mean stuff...i just cannot be nice anymore to him. I am just about enough of being stepped on. But i will try my best not to get involve at this moment.

OH Zizzy!

Remember how HINY blew up? At WH and OW....it is okay to lose control sometimes. It is actually quit normal to have enough. You are doing fine under stressful circumstances. You hold firm on the child support. If need be go to court, don't let him run you down. I let my ex-H talk me into a settlement outside of court for child support, and now I am having to go to court to fight it. Just remember to work on you, take care of the kids.

HINY

HINY...thanks for the support. Yes it is not easy...i feel like killing the idiot sometimes and knocking his head really really hard

If you followed my story...you will remember the cross story...to recap...in the first week of a false plan B...WH lost his pendent...and OW gave him a cross pendant to wear...i was upset when i saw that until i could not make love to him coz it was dangling on his chest.

To make things easier i gave him my own cross to wear...he has been wearing it until last night...i notice the my cross has been replaced by OW cross AGAIN.

I asked WH casually...if OW asked him to wear that cross...and WH said...OW offer it to him and so he wore it.

To me...this is significant...it shows my marriage is ending really fast...and WH is so afraid of OW that he will do anything for her so he will not lose her. WH prefers to lose me and his family than to lose OW. So sad and so pathetic.

I do not know what is delaying with the lawyers...its almost 3 weeks...those papers should be done by now so i can move along with some signing...i feel like telling the lawyers to move along faster!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Zizzy -

Hang in there and be patient. It does sound like your husband is still "addicted". You have done a great job for a long time, so be willing to wait to get what you and your daughter need from him.

What if he wants to get back together after the D? Would you consider it? We all know that his affair will not last.

Believer...i dont know...when i decided to go ahead with plan D...i still have some sort of feelings to go back with WH if he ended it with OW after D...but now...i am not sure any longer.

Since getting to know other guys again through the internet...i found there are better guys out there than stbxh...they are showering attention to me at this moment MORE than WH have done since Dday and they dont even know ME!!!! So i ask myself why should i do back to that Wayward soon to be ex husband of mine who has abandon me, the daughter, the home and to commit adultery every single minute!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

How long more should i wait? I think after divorce that will be it...i think i have done all my part as a wife and mother to save and stay for this marriage...i feel after divorce i am no longer bound to go back to that man although i know deep down (maybe intuition) his relationship with OW wont work.

Tonight WH is dropping by. We are both going to talk to DD about him no longer coming home to stay. Almost every night she prays and add "let papa come home" in her prayers. Last night she asked me why isnt God answering her prays...then she said God is cheating by not answering her prayers...I feel this is IT...no more delaying.

WH has been delaying telling her the truth for months. I told WH tonight he must tell her. Its already bad enough with the breakup of this family that she must also lose her faith... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

zizzy..

I am worried about the red flags in your posts..
and I realize that sometimes it is the nature of the beast of a message board without context and tone to come off as not quite right...

but here's what alarms me about your posts...

Men are men...and they are all the same but at least a new man does not come with that pain

what does that mean..men are men????
and they are all the same...

Since getting to know other guys again through the internet...i found there are better guys out there than stbxh...they are showering attention to me at this moment MORE than WH have done since Dday and they dont even know ME!!!!

ZIZ...doesnt' that scare the begeesus out of you...
strangers showering you with attention...and they don't KNOW you...
they say what they THINK what you or any other person wants to hear....
who knows how many others they say the same words to as well....

they don't know the real you...
there is no respect there, it is a game to them...
how can one speak of such deep thoughts, emotions, and even compliments without even really knwoing you..
what is the value in those words...

ZIZ...where ever this goes...you must protect yourself and your daughter first...

first by not dating or engaging too personally with anyone till divorce is final...
you need that time to process
to mourn
to be for your child...


my advice is easy to give I know... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
hard, harder to do..
but it will serve YOU well...
and you are important and do deserve to hear those words..
when they hold real meaning then they will be true....

ARK

Zizzy -

Ark is so right about the internet guys thing you have going on, but since you seem to be h*ll bent on continuing then please, please -

Go to "Eharmony", a Christian based internet dating service, where they have a very intensive application process, going so far as to even do background checks. Eharmony then matches you up with a couple of "possibles".

They will not accept you while you are still married, but after if you still want to date going this route, it will be much safer.

You are way too vulnerable and needy right now to be able to have good instincts about the men you are chatting with.

Please, please be careful.

Zizzy, my heart goes out to your little girl. Why do our children have to be hurt so badly by infidelity...it is such a crime.

Weaver

Zizzy,

Ark is absolutely right.
Do not take the men on internet as sincere. They are merely flirting. Maybe this will zap you out-- my FWH was one of those men on the net who tries to pick up girls. Yuk! Disgusting!

There are a few real and good men out there who use the internet to meet women. But I am sure you know by now, most are out there for the fun only. I use to think some of them cannot develop real face-to-face relationships, hence, the need for anonymity. My H's cousin is also on one of those dating services. He lies about his age on the internet. He says he is 40 when he really is 53, just so that he can get some thirty-somethings. He's extremely good with words, but once you meet him, he's a nervous, fidgety, horny 50 year old octopus!! Yuk! Double disgusting!! I wouldn't go anywhere near him.

You deserve a wholesome relationship after all this cr@p you went through the past year. And dearie, there's no need to rush.

On the other hand, I am not stopping you... it is fun to flirt and feel like a girl again! Sorta like a boost of sugar, you know, all high and energetic but no real nutrious value! Laugh it off, have a good time, but don't fall 'in love' or 'get involved', please. You will meet someone worthy of you in good time.

I want to refer to the post you wrote about OW asking H to wear her cross. Perempuan itu memang nak tarik suami mu ke tepi dia kerana dia rasa suami mu masih sayangkan mu. Kenapa dia selalu kena threaten dia akan meningalkan suami mu? Kalau dia confiden dengan cinta mereka, tak payah lah dia buat begitu. Lagi pun, awak sudah kelihatan lebih cantik, dan darah dagingnya dengan kamu. Ikan bilis betul!

Jadi, jangan tergesa gesa nak ceraikan dia. Jangan buat begitu bila anda marah. Bila ikan bilis itu sudah pisahkan kamu berdua, menanglah dia. Tetapi bagi kamu, setelah kamu sainkan kertas itu, habislah betul betul cerita mu. Bukan dia yang sakit hati. Sekaranglah masanya untuk drag your feet. Biarlah dia cemas lemas sikit. Jangan bagi penceraian itu begitu mudah sekali. Biarlah dia melompat lompat dan memarah marah kan suami mu. Biarlah suami mu tak boleh tahan dia. Peduli apa kau?

Weaver & Ark...i listen to you...i am still okay...i am not planning to get involve with some man in the internet...it only gives me the "boost of sugar" as ruffled put it.

I think i need that to sort of help me along. Knowing that i can still gain attention gives me a sort of confidence to move ahead in life. Even WH notice the changes...he said i look happier and best of all...he is getting edgy that i "might" be having a serious boyfriend. I dont have any boyfriends but i let him have the impression that i am having a lot of them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Okay about last night...WH spoke to DD the best he could...explained to her that he is not staying at home and about God...DD kept saying to him that she wants him to come home each time WH says he is not staying at home. I dont know why he does not say "i am NOT coming home"...i think he is avoiding that.

I think my daughter has more faith than me because after all those talk...at bed time...she still prays "let papa come home"...so i asked her why she stills say that...and she answered" she wants papa home" as simple as that.

During our conversation last night...out of the blue...WH asked me this question..."since you are having so much fun and getting attention from your boyfriends, what would you say if i said i want to come back?" Then immediately he said dont answer it and that he does not want to know the answer and that he only wants to get "IT" off his chest. Of course i did not answer him since he said not to give him any. I dont know the answer anyway but i am surprise he actually asked! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

OW is also still hiding her relationship from her parents...he said sometimes her parents call up to check where she is and who she is with and OW lies about who and her whereabouts. I told WH how can he trust this OW who still lies to her parents and is afraid and hiding their relationship? WH is prepared to lose everything to show his affection for her yet OW has done nothing to prove her love etc etc...i told him this to plant the seed of doubt.

Then WH told me, just that afternoon while having a discussion with OW...he accidently called her "MY" name... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> WH also claimed that he had done this a few times. I sure relised the thought of seeing OW face when that happened!

WH told me OW is very possessive and is afraid that he might cheat on her!!!1 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am very sure if i keep this on...getting WH to come home every so often, OW will love bust like hell... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ruffled...saya tahu jika saya drag this on...itu ikan bilis tidak boleh menang and kemungkinan besar akan menyerah kalah dulu tetapi saya mahu si buaya itu pulang kerana dia menghargai perkahwinan kami and bukan kerana ikan bilis melepaskan dia.

"WH told me OW is very possessive and is afraid that he might cheat on her!!!1 I am very sure if i keep this on...getting WH to come home every so often, OW will love bust like hell..."


Go for it Zizzy! Have you read Carolh'S 180 which brought her husband home for real?

Toomuchcoffee has it in his sig line. You and WH sound like prime candidates for this to me.

Weaver

This is the best reply I've seen from you in a long while, zizzy! Yay! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Last update...

I am tired of this perpetual dilemma to move or wait. WH has rejected me for the last time and i have decided to close the door on him for good.

I will not take WH back after D.

I am also going back to a semi Plan B...i dont want any communication with WH because the continued contact seemed to keep me in that state of perpetual dilemma.

The other night i hinted about having intimacy when i return from my company dinner. WH was VERY interested and went on talking about how he misses me and everything. However the next day WH had his own 180 degrees and told me in not so many words that he has to decline the offer.

Wellll...that was IT for me. I packed all his last belongings and stuff them into the boxes. Told WH to take it with him. Called up the lawyer and demanded that they do the papers soonest possible.

I cannot continue doing this. There are MEN out! WH is NOT the only one for me. I want more than this begging for attention crap that i have to put out each time.

WH has told me that he is worried that OW will leave him if she finds out that he cheated on her. He said OW feels unsecure and threatened whenever he is with me...DUH!...WH is a fool.

I want to be free from WH. Free to have a relationship with OM...i am going to chase after the lawyers from now onwards.

I remembered that oneday after he broke the news about his affair. I rememberewd sitting at KFC watching my DD play and thinking my whole life was falling apart. About how WH has move on so far ahead of me. Me? I was only a housewife, baggy clothes, unattractive and has no income.

Look at me now...i am earning almost as much as WH, looking sooooo good i keep looking at myself in the mirror all the time, Men are also looking and best of all...my life did not fall apart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In fact i think i have moved on so fast that i am ahead of WH...he is still stuck in fog land... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

double post

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>

err same post again.

Hey did I mention you're quite a vain pot? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>

moootiple posts.
musssst be mb server being cranky and slow

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>