2long: I don't know if I'm fully aware of your story. I only recently became aware that your FWW had a 10 or 11 year A (now your handle seems very appropriate). Anyway, I have a few questions maybe you can help me with that will relate to my si2uation (like that 2long verbiage?).

You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ...forgiving RM? I'll forgive him when he chooses not 2 respond 2 my W or send "howdys" 2 her. I'll also forgive him if he's in the ground...So, I've still got some work 2 do. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was wondering, is OM still nearby that your FWW (I'm assuming that she is a formerWW) gets frequent hello's? How do you deal with this? Living as close as I do to OM, in my case, has been difficult enough without him 'talking' or trying to communicate to us. And now his W is taking his side, believing that he was talking to the dog. It's like he is trying to deflect attention away from himself. Or possibly retest the waters while still covering his A$$ with his W. At least, at first glance, this appears to be the case.

I had been close to the point of indifference towards this [censored] (OM), until he felt the need to talk to my W yesterday. Now, it has just brought old feelings to the surface again. It feels like I need to respond, but I don't want to do something stupid and mainly just need help in dealing with these feelings. Thoughts?

Thanks,
RH

2long's W communicates with OM mostly by email. He doesn't even live in the same state, so there is not frequent personal contact, but there has been some professional personal contact that really bothers 2long.

I'll let him asnswer the rest, but you don't have to let OM get to you. Your W wants to fix things, and she tells you about contact. OM's W chooses not to believe and you can't do anything about that, but you can encourage your W, thank her for being truthful, and continue to meet her needs well. In time (about two to three years) you will notice that things are really good, and almost all your fears are gone, but it takes time.

Often we want to do something to wake up the OP (like something involving black powder) but I think you would do well to concentrate on you, and on your W that loves you, and let OM go out of your thoughts.


It needed a bump for 2long anyway.
SS

bump

RH:

Saw it that time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yep.

It sounds like your W tells you whenever there is contact? That's great, if true. Mine doesn't, only after the fact. I have yet 2 see her SHOW me the contents of emails, either. She has been truthful with me otherwise, in GENERAL, but she believes that her emotional attachment with him is a private matter rather than one of secrecy.

Based on what I've relayed 2 Penny, Penny believes that the A is over and the best way 2 deal with this is 2 just let the contact (allegedly 3 times since March) fade away. Even during the 2nd A, they were only 2gether 2wice, so it was mostly email (disgusting though it was).

I don't have much difficulty giving people the benefit of the doubt, when there is doubt. RM has blown his family apart for my W, who's 11 years his senior, and when I sent an exposure letter 2 him this past March, he ac2ally thought it gave him "hope" that there was still something there and that maybe there was a chance 2 renew the A. ...even though he's got a new GF... ...even though the email I sent was right off SYMC, and couldn't possibly have been interpreted by any sentient life form as "giving hope". Well, hope that he could pull himself 2gether if he would just get lost, but not hope that he could renew his illicit relationship with my W.

I do not respect RM. I would not lose sleep if he were run over by a Peterbuilt this afternoon at 4:12pm. (note: I drive VWs! And it'd take me a 2ple days 2 get there. So, if by some "miracle" he gets squarshed, it won't be me!)... ...so I've still got some work 2 do.

-ol' 2long

I cope ith OM still being on the scene because he is currently shovelling what is left of his life into a garbage sack.

He is alnmost insignificant to our M recovery now.

2L: Thanks.

You said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do not respect RM. I would not lose sleep if he were run over by a Peterbuilt this afternoon at 4:12pm. (note: I drive VWs! And it'd take me a 2ple days 2 get there. So, if by some "miracle" he gets squarshed, it won't be me!)... ...so I've still got some work 2 do. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel the same way about this idiot, though at times like this I wish to do so much more to him, to somehow "get back" at him. His family is very arrogant. They have an attitude that they own the valley (and if you look at the tax rolls, they do own a significant portion of this side of the river) and take what they want. This is probably the hardest to deal with. I guess that I was hoping that someone would say to go to an attorney and ask for _____. And that would solve it. I knew though that there really isn't anything like that. And I'll just have to work through this.

I also realize that my W made a mistake and she is paying dearly for it and beating herself up in times like these. I wish there was more I could do for her. But as she told me last night, "it feels like he mentally raped me." I try to be there for her, but this is uncharted territory for me.

RH