I was curious what are the different ways BS' discorvered the horrible revelation.

Voicemail message on WS' cell. Found out after a return from an MC session (unbeknown to me there was an A - we went because his sister (w/bi-polar disorders) was having problems and we were asked to help out, then decided we needed to work on our communication skills - so this 1 MC session was scheduled). WS was soundly sleeping at the time......

1st VM: Man stating the room was not available.

2nd VM: OW left vm and ended it w/ a soft lilt in her voice like a question: 'ILY'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />


U can imagine where it went from there.

Yes I can imagine...because that is how I originally found out was voice mail messages on wife cell and I was suspecious, sooooo I figured out how to tap my home phone and get to her office voice mail. Some of the crap I heard made me sick. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


Tellmewhy

Basically, I discovered my W’’s A by accident. The power had gone off on last winter in the middle of the night and the house was cold as he!! W got up early and was writing in her journal, got tired of the electricity being off and went out for a drive. As soon as she left the lights came on. I got up to turn them off and she had candles lit all over the house. As I blew them out, I noticed her journal was open, so I read it. There on the pages was evidence of the A , her and the neighbor (a friend of mine). I tried to go back to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. (For the rest of the story, see the link below). But, we're in recovery now, but it hasn't been easy.

RH

i also found out by voicemail on h's cell. friend of the family saying hi! i know your with my girl, call me back.i called her back and i said whats going on with my h and your girl. unbeknownst to me my h was telling these people we had divorced! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and its been going downhill since.i knew he was cheating from a gut feeling. when he realized i had his cell records and was calling the numbers on them was when he left because he knew i was going to find out the truth. the day before i found out he was swearing to me up and down that he was not cheating on me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> the liar.

Vision that drew me to go by OM's house on WW's day off, then idea to check email and it was confirmed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ September 02, 2004, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>

Cell phone bill. Average of 75 incoming text messages a month from the same # for two months.
Boy that phone # will be burned into my brain for the rest of my life.
If I had just checked the detailed bill in August & caught it, the EA would have never gone PA! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Suspected for a while - found text message on H's phone - he talked his way out of that one - saw her vehicle at my house - he talked me out of that one, too. (He never told a lie in 31 years!!!) Then I found e mails on Mother's Day that erased all doubt. Happy Mother's Day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

My H told me about his affair after acting very angry, mean, irrational for 2 weeks.

Me: 28 yo faithful wife of 3 years
Him: 30 yo cheating H; dropped bomb and left May '04 after admitting to 4-month affair with another woman. Currently in Plan A.

Suspected for a couple of weeks, then WW refused SF and I noticed an obvious sign of recent SF activity that I was not involved in. WW had been 'shopping with a friend' That day. Acually in a motel with OM.
I then went & checked cellphone, put 2 & 2 together and my heart snapped all there on the same night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> sad memory , just made my heart ache. Maybe one day it won't.

I found out fathers day weekend when my WW did ont come home Friday night. Her brother was babysitting, she was supposed to be home by 10:30pm. I got home at 3:30am (that was arrainged). I called the police in three towns, all the bars I knew of, one of her new friends and all of our friends. The phone call at 6:30am was "We have to talk" I am still sick.

I suspected it for awhile, his actions and his attitude towards me was just horrible. Then there were just too many wrong phone number calls when I was around. Then I found the detailed cell phone bill on the internet. (those darn cell phones will get you every time).

When I finally called him on the phone number, I got the excuse of it was a Christmas present he was working on for me. Now ask me if I got anything for Christmas? You got it, NOTHING.

Finally I just shut up and let him dig his own hole. In the mean time I just collected evidence and it all just came togther. BUSTED.

This month is the month they crossed that dreaded line and I'm not handling it to awfully well.

My husband had to go away for about six weeks for school (he's in military). A mutual friend was at the same school. I liked this friend and had no problems with them hanging out. After all, she had JUST gotten married three months before. I even gave my blessings for them to go to his parents' house together. Step-Mom even called me to make sure that was o'kay with me. It was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He was getting kinda weird with me on the phone a few days before he was due home. Chalked it up to just being apart for so long.

When he came home...that night we went to make love. He kissed me WAY different than we usually kiss and it was kind of awkward. I said to him, "WHAT have you been doing??!?!?" with a HUGE emphasis on the 'what'. He said nothing and that he just wanted to try something different. So we continue kissing and our mouths were just not working the right way together. I started crying and asked him again. He confessed to an affair. For the first couple of minutes I still didn't connect our "friend" to this affair..even though I knew they had spent a lot of time together. He finally told me it was her.

gag--puke...every time I think about calling his room and him telling me she was there studying with him I just want to hurl. I've forgiven the affair, but that thought still makes me sick.

And now we're separated and he's dating. He's been fairly open (not entirely) about that. Still some lies mixed in..but mostly open.

My son had been viewing porn on his computer and going to some "adult" chat rooms. I setup a network "sniffer" to capture what sites he was visiting so I could block them with my firewall. When I looked through the capture, I found an email from my wife to a friend that said I would be served with divorce papers in 3 days. I confronted her with that and she agreed to hold off on the divorce if I got counseling. I did, made the changes she wanted but I got suspicious. I searched her computer and found emails that said she had sent to a new OM that she was having an EA with (started one month after I started counseling). She revealed to him that she had a PA with another OM the previous year. I also found out about another EA she had 2 years prior when I accidentally came across some old love letters to the OM when I was cleaning the basement. I also went through her diary and found she had dated a couple of men after she had first started divorce proceedings. So I discovered 2 affairs electronically, one accidentally and another just by snooping.

I had started to suspect my H was having an A. All of a sudden, H was exercising, bought new underwear, started drinking more (heavily) and was pretty mean to my kids and me.

D-day was 6/20/03. I was happy that week. I just received a terrific raise from a new boss that I struggled with for the past two years. My kids had been on vacation with their Dad all week long and I felt good because it seemed like H and I had reconnected a little. I had been feeling better (health-wise) since recovering from an illness that had affected my inner ear (I was off balance) for the prior year and a half.

I can still remember walking into H’s office at noon, hearing him typing on his computer as I entered, seeing him freeze, his face turn red and noticed what looked like tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong. He didn’t say anything, just sat there staring at me. I asked him if he was sending an email he shouldn’t be sending. He didn’t say anything. I asked him again what was wrong. He finally answered “nothing”. Turns out he had been typing an email to the OW.

I can still remember feeling like someone punched me in the stomach (or should I say heart) at that moment. I felt like my H was sexually excited and thought if I looked under his desk, there would be a woman under there. The atmosphere in his office was just…weird. It’s like I felt another presence. I knew at that moment he was cheating on me.

H had errands to run before he came home for lunch. I went home for lunch and dialed into his work voice mail. I stood in my bathroom listening to five voice mail messages left by the OW and I thought I was going die. I can still remember standing there feeling complete shock and disbelief. Those five voice mail messages told me everything I needed to know and are burned into my brain. In fact, sadly enough, I can probably still recite them, word-for-word… right now…14 months later.

sss

My WH mother lives in North Carolina. He started going down more frequently and never called me the whole weekend when he was there. I thought that was strange. Then I started having these dreams about another woman in his arms. I would tell him about them. He would just chuckle and say what color hair did she have.

Things didn't add up. On my credit card there were charges coming from South Carolina. He said him and a guy friend went there. But his story didn't add up. He was so withdrawn from me I knew something was wrong. I kept asking him to tell me. On Christmas Day he admitted everything. I guess I knew all the time just didn't want to allow myself to think he was capable of hurting me so badly. Also noticed a lot of phone card receipts.

First noticed an email about a hotel room, it was addressed to OM, but explained to me as just business. Then I woke up in the mid of night to get a drink and her cell was buzzing on the counter. There were some explicit text messages on there. My heart is racing just remembering this. Gotta go...

Suspected for a long time that something was up, asked all the time always got the NO your crazy speech .

Yep he was a hard one to catch LOL
HOw I discovered it like a tracking DOG !

I had to catch him brfore he would admit to anything .

A parking ticket was the lead to a cell number (OW) who then denied .
Then my SON (puke ) always saying about dads friend from work they run in to at the movies, ice skating , aqaurium ect....
Then I just got into a car a nd drove for hours ,,, around the area I was thinking they might be and BING ! I pulled up to a pizza place and right in back of his car while he was KISSING her !

Called his cell and told him I SEE YOU <<< he said BULL CRAP ,,, TURN AROUND !!!!!!!!!

He pulled away and I cashed them !!!

Next day he called and told me that was another guys friend in the car and he was leaning over changeing radio station and there heads butted LOL

They where not kissing LOL LOL

Then I went away and stupid for got to erase the caller ID ,,, I got her MOMS NUMBER !!!

And well then the fun began !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AAHHH the fog >>>>
In recovery a year but what an amusing thought of an idiot he was !

I saw a couple of charges for lunch on our online statement. FWS never took a lunch and he didn't tell me about meeting friends. I didn't say anything until the following week, when another charge showed up. I calmly asked him who he was having lunch with. When he didn't want to talk about it, I knew.

I had a dream that my H came to me and said he was in love with someone else. I had it once before he deployed in Sept. 03 and once again when he came home for the birth of our son in Jan 04. I told him about it both times and he told me that could never happen.

On May 13th he told me he no longer thought marriage was for him. Two weeks later I told him I had proof of an A, which I didn't at the time, and he admitted to it.

He came home for 7 days in July and filed for divorce and finally admitted that things were pretty serious with this girl. He filed for divorce July 8th.

He came home from his deployment on Aug. 8th and that week I found out they have been together since March.