I came home on Holy Thursday night from work to find our computer purposely left on with love letter emails and pictures of my WW and her OM. I did not know where my WW was for three days.

Great Thread.

I was told by my ex-husband. Husband kissed OW in front of ex-husband. I was told on New Years Eve. What a way to start the year. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I never suspected a thing. Trusted WH completely.
He was forced to tell me because OW "accidently" left an email on her computer she was writing to my WH and the OWH found the email.

My WH told the OW, he was not going to leave me unless I found out and he wasn't going to tell me. So she did her best so her H would find out.

My WH told me on January 7th, he was afraid the OWH was going to tell me. As soon as he told me, I knew exactly who the OW was. She was constantly trying to get into our lives and his family for years. Always had this gut feeling about her, and boy was I right.

I should never estimate how malipulating the OW can be, I thought because she was married she would never go after my WH. I guess I wanted to believe the best in a person and now I know to trust my instincts.

I knew something was wrong when WH stayed at work late all the time, and bought new silk boxers (he claimed at the time it was because they were on sale). But I never thought he was capable of having an A and was too scared to ask. After 6 weeks he confessed to me that he was having an A with a married co-worker. OWH threatened to send an e-mail to their entire company exposing them. At the time I was horrified and thought it was the worst thing that could happen. WH is friends with the IT person and had OWH's e-mail address blocked from the system. Besides confessing to me he told his family, his friends and his boss.

I got an anonymous e-mail (presumably from a friend of OW) that said my husband was behaving in the a way that brought shame to my family. The e-mai said i should ask about a gift of vibrating underware he gave her and the e-mail also gave me her cell#. At first I didn't believe it. Forwarded e-mail to husband, called OW to tell her about letter. After a couple of hours and no response from WH, the truth sunk in. He actually believed he was going to be able to lie his way through it. Thanks goodness for that anonymous e-mail!

Gillian

July 3, 2004. My wife seemed a little down when I got home from work. She had mentioned that her period was late a week ago. (We use the rhythm method and I wasn’t too worried after I looked at her personal calendar) She went to lie down since I could watch the boys. (they can be a handful) I gave her a few minutes to relax then went to check on her. I laid beside her stroking her face and hair and her quiet crying turned to sobbing. I didn’t say anything, just tried to comfort her. There was a voice, louder than a thought, but less than a whisper that said: “There is another man and she is pregnant.” It shocked me for a second, then I was left with a great feeling of protecting and comforting my beloved wife. She finally blurted out that she had done something awful and didn’t deserve me and there was an affair and she may be pregnant as a result. All I could say was “I know”. She still doesn’t understand that.

Now that I look back on it, I can't believe it took me so long to be suspicious. We went a long time hardly talking other than to take care of DD with no SF (her choice) and she eventually started sleeping in the guest room and talking about divorce. I just thought we were just in a bad place. One day I walked in the door while she was on the phone and ended it quickly and strangely. I was immediately suspicious and then looked at her emails on her phone and was shocked at what I saw.

It's amazing how long I thought she just wasn't in love with me. Never occured to me she was capable of an A. No more A, but she's still sleeping in the guest room and not sure she loves me anymore. She had her first session of IC yesterday and even that first one opened her eyes a bit to herself so I have hope.

WH attitude toward me had been deteriorating for a long time. The night before my 50th birthday, he said he was no longer attracted to me. I put it down to depression. He wen on anti-depressants.

Last Nov. WH decided to take an apartment in the town where he works - about 60 miles from home. It was to "save time, and the cost of gas".

People kept telling me he was hiding something - maybe he had OW. I would say "NO! WH would not do something like that". He was always so honest.

Then, one weekend in May, I came down with a (what I thought was) yeast infection. It wouldn't go away. The doctor I work for gave me culture swabs. It turned out to be herpes.

Called WH. Told him about the tests. He said "you didn't get it from me". Came all the way home to have blood tests to prove it wasn't him. Of COURSE it was.

Guess I was in denial. He led me to believe it was a one night thing. Then, two weeks after the blood tests, someone anonymous called me at work - "Ms @@@@? T$$$$ M&&&& at the %%%%% Building is who your husband has been sleeping with." They hung up.

I totally came unglued!! Had to leave work!! Now the whole ugly story has unfolded. The A has been going on for over 3 years (that's the latest from WH). He's lied so much, I cannot believe this is the man I always thought to be the most honest person in the world.

Hi Everyone--newbie here. I've been lurking around getting to know you all. I appreciate so much everyone's honesty--it's helped me a lot. I feel like I'm a new member of a club that no one ever anticipated being a part of. Bleh.

Looking back, I see how naive I was. He was spending all his free time IMing his "friend" who I had spoken to online, who had sent our family gifts, who, in my stupidity, I thought was a Christian woman happily married with a child.

I think God was trying to reveal clues to what was really going on for over a year--I was just in so much denial. Then, December 31st 2003 The Lord just had to shout in my heart "go turn on his instant message archives. NOW."

He kept the same passoword for everything online, so I knew it and logged into his instant message system and flipped the archive button. The funny thing is--I felt so guilty about doing it. It felt sneaky and distrustful. But I'm so thankful I did it. Well, it's a bittersweet thankfulness, and I'm sure you all know very well what I mean.

Two days later when he left for work, I got out of bed and I logged back into his system. I read things that will be burned into my brain forever. It was like I had no idea who this person was; the content of those conversations sent me into physical shock. I found out that they were having an EA, but were fantasizing about moving it into a PA. My children were in the next room so I had to keep it together somewhat.

I printed out the conversations and called him on his cell phone.
"we need to talk"
"about what?"
"I know about you."

He came home from work and we had a talk. I don't really remember what I said--I was really out of it. He was repentant and pledged to do anything I requested to try to rebuild our marriage. The upshot was he immediately began NC that day. we met with our M&F pastor, started MC, and he began attending a sexual addiction support group within our church. I think we will be okay. I struggle with flashbacks and doubts constantly, but I'm committed to our marriage, and I believe he is as well.

So, as I said--a bittersweet day for sure. Bitter, mostly--but certainly a new beginning for my husband and I.

Sorry this post was sooo long. I've been wanting to jump in here for a while. God Bless all of you who are struggling to do the right thing.

Candid

WH left for an overseas trip and that night I was looking through email messages. I came across a strange one sent by WH in March '04. It listed prior messages dating back to December '03 when we were on vacation in Hawaii. In email message, WH expressed both his love for OW and his anger at her and regret he had ever met her because she used him. (Not that it stopped the contact even now.)

WH was suppose to call next morning to let me know he arrived. I slept about two hours that night and had to get up early for appt. with customer. I did everything I could to be composed--luckily it was a short meeting. I went to office, but could not stay. I drove home at about 80 miles per hour. I got home and phone rang--it was WH. He was all cheery and I confronted him with name from email. He said he had to see who it was from. When I started to read the content, then he revealed some info, but continued to lie all through the explanation.

He called all that night, but I would not take his call. God was watching over me because I found MB web sight that night. I printed out about every article I could. Didn't sleep again that night and left next morning for east coast. I remember sitting in airport, reading the MB articles.

WH was gone for two weeks, but he chose to come home instead of immediately separating because I followed the MB principles.

<small>[ September 03, 2004, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: SureSurvivor ]</small>

My WW told me she had "went out to the movies" with a guy that helped her by mowing my yard, helped paint a room in my house - while I was deployed. She followed the "movie statement" with "we're just friends". Later that same day, WW told me she "wasn't sure if she wanted to be married anymore". I guess the guilt tookover and the last seven weeks have been textbook MB.....LS

Long story, but would believe that our pre- adolesant(sp?) daughter told me?

H away on business. G/F & her H away on romantic holiday. I was asked to feed their pets so had key to house. Read G/F's dairy & it was all about her A with my H. Had been suspicious for 15months, but naturally H denied (read about it in G/F's diary). H admitted to 2 A's on his return from trip, & I showed him the copies I had of the diary. Became model H. He had to go away a few months later, me to join him after a week. G/F told me that she was one of many. H then admitted to having 7 A's over 10 yrs.10 months later, H is trying very hard to do everything to make up, but because of continued lying so that he doesn't hurt me ?????, I am having trouble with this whole mess. He feels better now that he is not leading a double life anymore, but awful for what I am going through.

My H was 150% trustworthy and simply incapable of having an affair, so I had absolutely no idea.

He had been out every night that week, mostly 'til late. On the Friday evening I went to an art exhibition and he went to a cocktail party. After the exhibition, I decided to join him, so went to the cocktail party venue. He wasn't there so I called him. He said he had just left and was in the car park going to his car; we must just have missed one another. I go to car park expecting him to be waiting for me, but he wasn't there. I rang him again and he said that he was on the way home. So I went home. When I got there he wasn't there either, so I rang again. He said that he had stopped off at the ***** Bar. I was annoyed, so I hung up, then thought "Why should i stay at home on my own waiting for him again". I got in my car and went to the bar. I expected to see him with a bunch of mates, but he was at a table with a guy that I knew and two chicks. When I walked over to him, he looked up, somewhat surprised to see me!, and put his hand out to shake hands!!!!!!!! I struggled to have a conversation with the chicks (am I a moron or what?), but it was hard work. Eventually I turned to my H and said, laughingly, "help me!". And he said "I can't help you any more".

And that was the end of life as I knew it and the start of one he!! of a journey.

July of 2003 my H started working at a new jobsite at a nursing home at night. He had gotten a cell phone so we could keep in touch at nighttime. He stopped calling me, seemed annoyed when I would call him, didn't give me a kiss goodbye anymore. This went on for a few months, so I became suspicious. Around October, I confronted him and asked him if he was falling out of love with me, he said he thought he was. Had a long talk & encouraged him to talk to someone about how he was feeling if he couldn't talk to me.

He talked to my sister & came home & told me that he needed to get away by himself for awhile. He denied any other woman to everyone. I was devastated. A few days later, I was checking his cell phone records b/c something just didn't seem right. I found this # a lot on there, one that I wasn't familiar with, so I called & confirmed he was having an A. Little did I know, but he was there when I called! He called me the next day & confirmed his "love" for this OW.

We're working on things now but I will never forget that day as long as I live. We're coming up on the year of D-day in a month so I'm having all kinds of triggers lately. God, help me through it!

Y

Thanks to all who have replied. I have weondered how many people thought that their spouse was the most honest person they ever knew and NEVER thought their WS would ever have an A, so you go on in denial for a long time. Then you get a sudden jolt from God, like HEY something is wrong. You are drawn to something like email or diary's or voice mail or cell phones. When I found out I was shocked. My WW has some serious sexual hang ups. I am the only man she has ever been with. To her anything about sex is taboo. So obviously I came apart when I found out she had been meeting OM at a motel for sex on a regular basis. But what really hurt was when I confronted her she said we are just friends and we go to lunch together blah. I asked her Why are you telling each other I love you. She said well it is like I tell my girl friends I love them. I told her that was B*!! S**t. Finally she says I am sorry I let our friend ship go to far, I will never speak to him again, and looked me straight in the eye and said I never cheated on you. I told her telling another man I love you IS cheating. I asked her did you kiss him she said no. We talked for a long time. I kind of believed her. But I ended the conversation with Never EVER speak to him again, If you see him at work walk the other way. She OK. Well 8 days passed and I was cleaning the house while WW and Daughter were shopping. I found a box of genital wart medication. I freaked and for some reason started going through her night stand. In the botton drawr under a bunch of clothes was a black plastic bag, I pulled it out and inside was a viberator (used and never cleaned up) and a bottle of lubricant and get this a reciept with OM's name and home phone number. I got sick threw up. My WW came home and I confronted her again and she tried to lie about it. She told me they only had sex once. She thought if I knew the whole story I would throw her out and never speak to her or let her see our daughter again. Well she finally came clean about the whole thing. She is very repentant and things are going well. Turns out OM is a sexual predator and has done this before. I know the a**hole and his wife and I don't like them anyway. However his wife does not know and I think she should because it is not right fro him to cheat on her and prey on married women. Any way the wart medication was for a wart on her foot (confirmed by Dr.) She did not hav unprotected sex with him...thank God! We are doing well her attitude is very good, and our marriage is better than it has been in 10 years.

Thanks again and God bless you all.

Tellmewhy

I was not very computer literate. I knew H had sent some pictures from our computer and I wanted to see the pictures again, so I looked in the sent messages to view them. I found picures, but the wrong ones. There were about 20 pictures of a young woman. She looked about 18. (he is 50 so just wondered why he'd taken them) I kept scrolling thru them and eventually found a couple of him with his arms around her. I couldn't believe it. I started to hyperventilate. He called to ask where we were going for dinner. I told him I felt too ill to eat and was he having an A? No. I asked three times, and he said no. Then I said that I've seen the pictures. He said "that isn't an A". He came home immediately and told me that there has been something going on, but they haven't had sex. I asked how old she was. He said 26. I wish I'd walked out right then. I think I was so hurt I was beyond thinking.

I had dreampt about it 2 months earlier. First time I'd ever dreamed that my H was unfaithful, in 30 yrs of M. I told him about the dream - that I dreamed he was having sex with a maid and that she was very young and a virgin. Apparently she'd told him she was a virgin. As I would never have been so ungenerous to think of my H as cheating, I was blind sided.

WH came home from work and was acting funny. I asked him what was wrong and he let it all out. I sat there in shock. He the proceeded to tell me that he hasn't been happy for many years and that he wants more out of life. He says he thinks I am a wonderful wife and mother but for him that's not enough. "I need to better myself". His words!
The OW is a doctor!
Nice huh????

Which time? Oh...it was the same way...my ever-perceptive teenage daughter. She is a godsend...I only wish I had done a better job of protecting HER.

WH is a knight in shining armour for any needy woman but me (guess I'm too stable) and DD got tired of him using her as an excuse to see OWs.

The As had already ended when I found out. H went for movies with 'friends' and I decided to check the stack of cds he had in his briefcase.

Lots of porn (as usual) but something that night made me click on the text files. He backed up his emails to OWs and from OWs to him (what the heck for? sentiment?), his chats on the internet trying to pick up girls, persuing them, promising them luxurious hotel stays if they dressed up for him etc. He also created ficticious characters for OWs to read-- like he was being pursued by another OW-- just to show how much sought after he is!! LOL!! That could only come from a person with deep inferior complex.

So yes, sometimes I do remind FWH of how happy he was when he was with OW, the roses, he promised to buy her a house, their 5x a day sexual trysts, g-strings etc. I am still angry. She (they) can have him.