My H went to his induction ceremony tonight. He didn't know in advance so we didn't have the opportunity to plan [we usually do] or come to some sort of arrangement that I can be comfortable with while not being overtly anti-social <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Tonight some things took place that I am unhappy about. My husband has been drinking..as a matter of fact he is passed out incoherant falling down drunk. I told him I would talk to him about it when he is sober. So at least I have an opportunity to act and not react. I'm very disappointed. It is a part of our agreement that he not drink outside of the house when I am not with him. So he has violated our agreement. That will have to be addressed. He also did not call to tell me what was going on [I knew where he was because I called looking for him and was told he was at the ceremony/binge (one and the same with this bunch) which would have given me the opportunity to arrive [and I would have]. So he arrived home drunk at about 9pm...many hours late with no notice..this also violates our agreement.

No doubt about it..he botched this one..handled it BADLY. He was not where he should have been, he didn't tell me, and he broke a couple of our agreements. Why am I not furious? Honestly..I don't think he intended any of it. I think he found himself up to his eyeballs before he realized he was in trouble. I don't think he realized that this ceremony wasn't just one more errand to run before he was done and therefore not note worthy. I really want to make that clear before we burn him at the stake. I'm not going to excuse..because there surely came a point where he had that uncomfortable twinge..that little voice...that jiminy cricket chirping in his ear that a few things about this situation are amiss and amuck...but I also recognize that he is very susceptable to social pressure [especially if the people applying pressure happen to be his bosses] and that he did not voluntarily put himself at risk.

So folks..probably tomorrow after work..when he is sober...we have things to discuss. I'd really appreciate any and all advice about how and what and..stuff. Anything that stomps through your brain and onto this screen will be considerred. Thanks--Noodle

Hi noodle,

Well I am just about out of steam for the night but I did want to say that I had a spasm? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> when I read that you didn't think your WH intended any of it(meaning his actions).Hmmm.Yes he screwed up BUT he is also responsible for his actions all the way down the line.If you know you end up a stumbling fool after a few beers,well,you just don't HAVE ANY.CHOICE.That in itself probably interfered with the other agreements.

Another example.I know that if I don't take a dramamine before going out on a boat,I will be sea sick.So,I always take a box with me and if I don't have any or ran out,I don't get on the boat.Simple.I just don't understand why people are not preventing their lives from becoming big ole messes.It seems so clear to me."Life is not complicated,we make it that way".True?

Well,I wouldn't blast your WH but I would have a stern talk with him.Actually,I don't know if your H is a WH,sorry if that's not the case.

~Night~

O

Og...

Yeah, I trip over it too. Here's the thing..it was a work related thing..literally. Still in uniform, at his company, no choice about going, no warning that he was going...and then it got blurry. So, yes, I agree with you and that will be the primary issue I think..there was a line crossed and he is responsible for being aware of where the line is. It was not, however, a situation where he was seeking this out. It wasn't his idea of a good time, more something obligatory that got way out of hand unexpectedly. I don't think he knew what to do. I think he failed to see the ball and fumbled it. I don't want to let him off the hook though..and certainly not to set a convenient precedent either [well, honey..it was work ..I had no choice..]. Yes, he is a FWS, and yes both alcohol and work were involved in his ONS. I don't want him to slip back in. He doesn't want to slip back in, my instinct here says he found himself in a bad position and didn't know what to do about it. Yes, that makes it more complicated than it is. Things often look that way though when we unexpectedly find ourselves in the thick of them. Much clarity to be gained from the distance, I notice. To me it looks very clear..I have the benefit of perspective though. I also have the benefit of having no trouble telling people to go hang if I don't like their suggestions...that sure makes my boundaries easy to enforce socially <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So, I'm wonderring this. He will no doubt be very contrite...he already was as contrite as a drunk person can be. I'm not looking for an apology though..I'll accept one if and only if he knows what he is sorry for. Right now he seems sorry that I'm unhappy about him coming home drunk. It hasn't fully sunk in though. He doesn't *get it*. I want him to really understand the graveness of the situation. I don't want to lecture, and I don't want to bluster. Frankly, I want him nice and open and vulnerable because the knife goes in easier that way...better chance of hitting a vital organ rather than a flesh wound. Hope that's not too graphic...I don't intend it to be a violent image so much as convey that I want to use this to make a permanent impression if I can. Any suggestions?

You know what is really frustrating about this? I have to be patient. I'd like to go wake him up right now, and just....just...be done with it. No point though, and it may be impossible anyway. I wasn't overstating in the slightest about the falling down, staggering, incoherant drunk part...

I wish I could just deal with this already. I hate having to wait until tomorrow evening at earliest.

To me..it is so very obvious..why is it not to him? I understand..but I do not understand. I have vulnerable areas..things I trip over if I'm not looking..I understand that. Why wasn't he looking? I'm not upset about the 10th drink..I'm upset about the first one. It isn't that he's drunk...it's that he allowed the possibility to exist. I'll need to get that across. vent vent vent vent

This is one of those things that is gonna eat me alive until I kill it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sorry to bump..but I'll be dealing with this shortly, and I'd like to take a stab at having some counsel before I do re: approach.